My comment here rustled more than a few jimmies and caused quite the butthurt over at "againsthatesubreddits", a subreddit devoted to going around and finding things to get pissed off about.

It's too bad those folks don't have much of a sense of humor.

Well.

In spite of that, I still don't want the message of the original comment to get lost. Here's why. I love women. I really do. I love women and I want them to be happy. I also want to help them correct their mistakes to the extent they can. And I'm here to help. I really am and I mean that in good faith.

So in the interests of extending a little teeny olive branch, I am going to rewrite and paraphrase my original comment into earnest, heartfelt advice for women who really do want to stop slutting it up.

1) Stop dating, and stop having sex. Go voluntary celibate. Get off the dating apps. No more dating at all. Stay away from your party spots and your slut friends. Avoid old playmates and old playgrounds. Do this for at least one full year, one consecutive 12 month period.

The idea behind this is to help straighten out your priorities, and an effort to reset your attraction vectors and triggers. Taking time off can help someone recalibrate attraction triggers, get reasonable, and come back down to earth.

2) Get a full physical, head to toe, full STD panel. Make sure you're clean. Also, get in shape. Stop eating junk, cut down on your drinking, and lose excess weight.

3) Get counseling. There's a reason you went out slutting it up. There's a reason you were having a lot of sex that wasn't fulfilling you or satisfying you. You need to find out what that reason is. Maybe it's daddy issues, maybe your single mom messed you up, maybe it's a personality disorder or a character defect. Maybe it's childhood trauma of some kind (best bet). Maybe your slutty friends corrupted you.

I mean, you're saying you want a relationship. You're saying that what you've been doing hasn't worked. You're saying you don't want to do this anymore and you want to try something else. Well, that "something else" won't work unless you find out why you were doing what hasn't worked. And usually, there's some underlying reason, something that happened to you in your past, something or things you did, that sent you down that path. Find out what it is, and deal with it.

You say you want serious relationship with one man. You want marriage. You want to be a wife. Then you need to develop wife skills. You need to show him you have something to offer him.

4) Get your finances in order. Eliminate or reduce debt. Learn to live frugally and within your means. If you want to be a wife, you need to show your man you can be trusted to handle money, both earning it and managing it wisely.

5) Learn domestic skills. You need to show your man you have something to offer him, something he cannot do or be for himself. If you want to be a wife you need to show a man you can take care of and manage a household.

Now your year of voluntary celibacy is up. Now you are ready to start dating again.

6) This is one of the toughest things for women. I know that it is. The dilemma most women have is: sexually attracted to men who won't commit; just not feeling it for the men who will commit. I get it. That's tough. It is very, very tough to find men who tingle you AND who will commit to you. Part of that is men; but part of that is YOU and your experiences. You need to deal with and address that. I suggest you face the fact that you are going to have to get realistic here about what you can attract for marriage vis a vis what you can attract for casual sex.

Decide who you can reasonably attract for marriage. Then decide whether you can actually be attracted to those men. I mean SEXUALLY attracted to them. Want to fuck them. It's not the fucking that keeps you together down the road. It's the fucking early on that bonds you to him and him to you. The bonding leads to intimacy that leads to lots of time spent together that leads to shared experiences over a long arc of time. It's that bonding and shared set of experiences that keeps you together, and that starts with immediate hot and heavy sexual attraction.

If you really honestly cannot ratchet up enough sexual attraction for any of the men you can reasonably get, then don't pick any of them and be content with either serial dating or a return to a casual sex lifestyle. You need to be brutally, painfully honest with yourself here. If you compromise too far on sexual attraction you will ruin your life, his life, and the lives of any children you have. Don't do it. Don't pick a guy you don't want to have lots and lots of wild sex with. It won't work.

This means many of you will be single. This means many of you will not marry. So be it - better to be alone and content than forever tethered to a man you never really wanted.

7) Once you find a man you are sexually attracted to and you both want to commit to each other, and you're exclusive, you need to tell him about your past. No, you don't need to go into lots of blow by blow detail. But you do need to tell him your N and you do need to tell him that you were promiscuous. Because, trust me - he will find out, regardless of what certain other subreddit purveyors say. The truth always comes out, usually through something you say or do yourself or one of your friends. It will be better coming from you in a sober conversation rather than from one of your friends or from his discovery of some set of souvenirs from your past.

Whatever he asks, you must be forthcoming and straightforward. He's taking on enormous risks committing to you, in no small part because of your past. You're asking him to commit to you and you alone. If he commits to you, he will be taking on the vast majority of the risk, and will bear almost all of the costs of failure. He has a right to know whatever he wants to know, and you have an obligation to tell him. Just as you have rights to know about him and what you're committing to, he has rights to know about you and what he is committing to.

8) And once you tell him and he accepts you, then be grateful to him. Be grateful that he has accepted you despite your flaws, as you accept him and his flaws. Be grateful that a man was willing to accept you. Have some humility, grace, and gratitude.

And have lots of sex with him. The very least you can do is have the sex with him that you had with the men you gave it up to for so little effort. The very least you can do is to give him the frequent enthusiastic sex he wants.

And if you cannot do that, if you really can't do that because he's not attractive enough or he doesn't do it for you or whatever, then do the right, decent thing, and cut him loose. Be kind to him and let him go. Be kind to him, release him, and let him try to find someone who will treat him the way he wants to be treated.

What I was trying to say, and what humorless strident militant anti-males missed, is that you must compromise. You must do some giving along with the taking. You are not going to get everything you want. No one does.

And the fact of the matter is that you don't want to compromise. Most of you have never been told or shown that you have to compromise. Most of you have been given literally everything you want, all your lives. Most of you have been told from your earliest memories how wonderful and smart and beautiful you are. People have simply given you things and been unfailingly nice to you, because you are women. Life has come much, much easier to you than it has for most men.

As a result of this, you have never learned to compromise. You have never been required to compromise. You have never learned, or been required to, participate in the give-and-take of a long term relationship. Whenever something got difficult, you simply ended the relationship or made life so painful and oppressive for the man that he ended it. And why not, right? You don't have to keep him.

But if you want a relationship that goes the distance, you have to compromise. You have to put your head down, push through, make concessions, and make it work.

I don't need to tell men this. Men are told and shown all the time, from every corner, from every media outlet, from every aspect of culture and society, that they must compromise. Men learn early on how to give and take, how to go along to get along, how to negotiate and bargain. How to give something to get something. Almost all men learn this because if they don't, they immediately learn they will get NOTHING. Every man, from the most humble to the most exalted, learns very, very quickly that the only one looking out for him is himself. If he doesn't learn to compromise to get something for himself, no one will give it to him. And if he wants to get something, he has to have something to give. He has to compromise.

It seems we do have to tell women this, though. That's what I was trying to do with my post - to tell you to compromise - something so few women will do, or even are able to do. If you, an imperfect woman, want marriage to an imperfect man, you will have to compromise. You will have to give him some things. You will have to give up some things in order to get some other things.

And if you really cannot do that, if you really cannot find a man who is sufficiently appealing to you that you're willing to give up some things to get more, if you really can't find a man who is sexually attractive enough, then learn to be content as a single woman. Stop complaining about the lack of good men who you don't want anyway, and get about the business of the rest of your life.

Cheers.