Most biologists would agree that what most people consider “love” is really just a cocktail of hormones. These include testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin. Yes, it involves a lot of other physical, psychological, and neurological systems, but love all starts with biology.

To be sure, a deeper, more meaningful set of feelings can grow between couples over time as well. Shared experiences, challenges, support, culture, sacrifices, upbringing, and companionship (to name several) can help to build trust and respect – the foundations of intimacy. These are mostly sociological factors.

Many older couples will tell you that THIS is true love. And without these biological and sociological components working together there is little chance of sustaining a relationship in the long run.

Regardless of your goal – marriage, a serious LTR, serial monogamy, or simply a FWB - you should work to minimize the effect that the biological factors can have on you. The main reason for this, is that the hormones discussed above have a VERY powerful impact on our psychology.

Think back to a time when you felt deeply connected to a girl/woman. Was the sex good? Did you get buzzed AF after sex (and during, and before)? If so, then that was all chemical. We know this to be true because psych meds work so well. So do other chemicals - we have all seen someone drunk or high, and what that does to their behavior and decision making.

When the chemicals take hold of us in the lust phase, we often call it “thinking with your little head” and I think this is a foolish mistake. This is an attempt to make a joke about a very serious and dangerous phenomenon – Addiction.

That’s right. I said it. Love, at least in the first few years, is mainly an addiction. And I think it is much worse for men than for women. Her natural hypergamy allows her to more easily walk away and to get over you more quickly. She may express more emotion in the short term, but she will be done with you super fast.

If you have ever had your heart broken, then you know this to be true.

So what does this have to do with this sub, and why not post this on TRP or somewhere similar? Because this post has nothing to do with picking up women, game, plates, or self-improvement; it is about awareness.

The more aware we are of our deepest drives, the more likely we are to find ways to manage them. We CANNOT get rid of this part of our nature. If men were never addicted to their women, and never felt strong bonds with their children, think of the insanity that would bring. There would be no such thing as family. Look up r selection vs K selection. Paradoxically, we are better off as a species because of this powerful drive (Love), but individually we can be greatly harmed by it.

This is arguably the main reason why blue pill conditioning is so common across the globe. What would the world look like if more men knew this? What if no new boys being born today would ever be told the lies we were told. To be sure, the whole world would change dramatically and quickly. And not necessarily for the better! We are not responsible for our biology or programming. All we can do it learn how it works and protect ourselves from harm. It is when we KNOW these things and take those risks anyway, that we deserve scorn from other men.

So what does this all mean?

  1. When you first meet a woman, she is already idealized in your mind by your social conditioning. Be mindful of that. She is a real person and will never live up to the fantasy in your head.

  2. When you start having sex, your mind is no longer your own. The chemicals own you and she knows instinctively how to work that to her benefit. She is not necessarily evil for this – she is merely being a primitive woman.

  3. Do NOT get married. If these thoughts do enter your mind, ask yourself if this is based on a careful analysis of her as a long-term partner, including her past and her ongoing behavior? Or if this is just a powerful surge of feelings that seem “magical” and based on her saying words you want or need to hear.

  4. Never ever trust a woman’s words as they relate to love. But DO believe her no matter what she says. If she says she loves you, then she means it. If two days later she says she wants someone else, she means that shit too. Watch her behaviors, and know that her whole entire brain housing unit can shift in a nanosecond regardless of the impact on you.

A lot of our suffering could be prevented if we were better trained from a young age to watch out for these things.

Now that you have read this, you have no excuse. You HAVE been warned. When you allow your addiction to cloud your judgment and stay with a woman that is bad for you, that is all on you.

When we read posts over at /r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen we can see why this works on some men. Because they don't know better, or they are addicts.