"Women are the gatekeepers of sex, men are the gatekeepers of commitment."

Those are the relative burdens and boundaries, so to speak. She decides when, where, with whom, and under what circumstances sex happens. He decides when, to whom, and under what circumstances he will commit.

It's a man's job to sell a woman on why she should have sex with him. It's also his job to sell her on why she should keep having sex with him. You have the burden of proving to her that you are fun, exciting, good looking, nonjudgmental, and sexy. You have the burden of proving to her your strength, capability, competence, toughness, and resilience, which enable you to protect her and her children.

It's a woman's job to sell a man on pretty much everything else. She has to sell him on spending time and money on her, on dating her, on dating only her, and on eventually committing to her through long term relationship and family. She has the burden of proving to you that commitment to her will bring value to you and will enhance your life.

Or, to put it kind of crudely, she has the burden of showing him why he should stick around for upcoming sex, or after sex has happened.

Where most men mess up is in taking on some of her relationship burdens. Most men will go all in and show her signs of commitment, or give her tokens of commitment, in the erroneous belief this will help sell her on sex. That's a mistake.

If she will not have sex with you, then you've failed to carry your burden with her. You've failed to sell this particular woman on why she should have sex with you. That's fine. It happens all the time. You didn't bring enough to the table, you weren't her type, she wasn't attracted to you, she was out of sorts because she didn't have her coffee and scone from Starbucks that particular morning. Fine.

But do not then think that voluntarily taking on some of her burdens like why you should see or date each other, or why you should spend more time and money on her, will get you anything you want. It will not. It's doomed to failure. And do not allow her to shift some of her burdens onto you: "Oh, if you'd just spend more time with me, maybe I'd want sex!" "If you'd just do some chores around here, maybe I'd want sex!" "If maybe you'd court me and appreciate me and buy me gifts now and then, I'll want sex!"

No. That's not how it works.

Your ONLY burden is to sell her on sex. That's it. You are not going to accomplish anything or get a relationship with her or anything else you want from her if you start taking on relationship burdens that belong to her, not you.

Make her accept or reject you sexually because that then sets the tone for the rest of the relationship. This is a SEXUAL relationship and the first three letters of that word are S E X. Which means: No sex? No commitment.

You cannot make her have sex with you. You can, however, require her to make a choice. You can require her to say "yes" or "no" to sex.

If you've failed to sell her on sex, that's fine, but at that point, it's over. All interactions need to stop. Do not do anything further. Do not start spending more time or money or investing anything in her in the misguided belief that this will help sell her on sex. It will not.

And it might be that you've sold her on sex, and she's sold you on some commitment. Very well. Things are going fine. Until she stops giving you sex. At that point, you are not selling her on sex for one reason or another. When that happens you must immediately withdraw commitment. You must also withdraw and withhold everything else you gave her: Time, attention, resources, labor. She doesn't get to have those anymore.

Sell her on sex. Make her do everything else. Don't take on burdens that don't belong to you.

Make her sell you why you should commit to her. She has the burden of showing you why you should commit to her. She has the burden of proving to you that your commitment to her will bring value to you and enhance your life. Don't relieve her of that burden for one fucking second. Because rest assured, gents: She's making you sell her on sex and she is evaluating you with the finest toothed comb there is. If she thinks you're not delivering, she'll stop sex. If that happens, you MUST withdraw commitment.

Make her carry that burden. Make her prove it.

You sell her on sex; she sells you on everything else.