Recently a video from one of the many washed-up, irrelevant celebrities popped up in my newsfeed. I normally scroll by this stuff without a second thought, but it was posted by an acquaintance who is the definition of “feminist.” She is a cookie-cutter privileged white woman who endlessly posts videos and screencaps with in-depth commentary like “YAAASSSS Queen” and “hands up emoji” because she is “woke” but I digress.

So, I watched this video titled “The Male Ally Manifesto.” Roughly three years post-MeToo women are still struggling, but not in the ways you would think. This video insists that men shrug off the demands of “metoo” and embrace women again, literally. According, to this celebrity feminist men, shouldn’t shy away from hugging women. Men should guide women and foster their promotions. Men should insert themselves into situations that might be sexual harassment. Men should give money to financially support feminist causes. And, men’s default setting should be to believe women regardless of facts and evidence.

For this post, I will analyze each segment of her manifesto and explain why she’s wrong. I am going to generate my responses from a professional work environment perspective, but they can be applied to nearly any aspect of your life.

The Manifesto

  1. Listen more than you assert. Read the emotional room and see what women need, not what you think they need based on your opinions. Support the efforts for equality and change being led by women—most especially women of color and in the LGBTQIA community. Let them lead the charge; don’t lead by taking charge.

When I’m at work it’s my job to do my job. Unless I was hired to address the emotional needs of employees then it’s not my job to “read the room” and provide emotional support. If a woman needs emotional support to do her job, she has her supervisor, the people working for her, HR, and social media. If I spent all my time dealing with other people’s problems, typically caused by themselves nothing would get done.

  1. No matter what your job title is, if there is a woman in your field of work who is doing the exact same job you are doing, tell her how much money you make and then do something about it when you realize how much more you are being paid. Men earn almost double women’s salaries and almost triple the amount made by women of color. The pay gap between genders and races in America is indicative of the overall equality gap in America, and one of the best ways men can help level it out is by being transparent about their income. Talk to your bosses about getting women additional pay, or support the efforts of a woman in your field trying to get paid more. Make space for women to be on staff and make sure they are paid not just what they deserve, but what their potential is, the same way you would nurture young men’s potential. Ask your CEOs, your chairs, your managers, your directors, your staffers to include women in their rooms.

No. MeToo, feminism and this manifesto all said that women don’t want to be coddled. Women are strong and independent. If they want better compensation, then they need to assert themselves during job interviews. They need to learn to articulate their skill sets, document their accomplishments, and show their CEOs, chairs, managers, directors, and staffers what they contribute to the company. I would recommend they ask their successful colleagues how to do those things, but in my experience, that kind of advice falls on deaf ears. According to feminists, it’s not a woman’s job to promote herself. It’s a man’s job to recognize her potential and pay her accordingly.

  1. If you see something, say something. If a woman is being harassed, bullied, or silenced in your presence, have a zero-tolerance policy. Don’t tell yourself it’s their problem to solve. Workplace harassment and assault can often be ended if someone of parallel privilege and power does something about it. Put your neck out on the line for those who, as Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg once said, live with feet on their necks. When more women are in positions of power and there is equal representation in the room, there is less space for the abuse of power, physical or otherwise.

No. Just Hell no. Never stick your neck out. There is a fine line between sexual harassment and a woman living her workplace power struggle fantasy. You don’t want to find yourself on the receiving end of disciplinary action because you lifted the veil on her love affair. If you see something, say something, absolutely. Don’t be the senior person with a secret. Report what happened to your supervisor to HR, or if your company has a nonretaliation policy take advantage and report it to the proper people. Do not attempt to handle the situation on your own.

  1. Put your money where your matriarchs are. Support organizations and causes that help to build and strengthen the next generation of women, from politics to creative writing. Organizations such as the Pink Door Writing Retreat, TWOCC (Trans Women of Color Collective), EMILY’s List, Girls Rock, Time’s Up, and Jack Jones Literary Arts, to name a few.

No. It’s your money. You earned it. Put it wherever you choose. Give to charities and causes you support because you support them. Or, don’t give to charity at all. I don’t care. It’s none of my business neither is it anyone else’s. On a side note, I find it interesting she mentioned these charities specifically by name. It wouldn’t surprise me if she gets paid to endorse them.

5) When it comes to men being accused of bad behavior, leave Sir William Garrow and his ancient law to the messy American justice system and instead listen to the rational and reasonable intelligence of women like Roxane Gay. On whether or not she believes Woody Allen did or did not molest his daughter, Dylan Farrow, she once wrote: “I know where I stand and why. I know I would rather stand where I stand and eventually be proven wrong than support Woody Allen and eventually be proven wrong.” In other words: Err on the side of women, not on the side of your brethren.

Because women are incapable of lying, cheating, manipulation, and all forms of wrongdoing. Err of the side of objectivity. News travels fast and sentences by the court of public opinion travel even faster. If an investigation is being conducted in your workplace say nothing unless you are called to talk about the case. If you are asked to speak stick to facts. And, don’t spread rumors or let people bait you into taking sides. What’s the best response to “what do you think of the (accusation)?” I’m not involved in it, so I don’t know anything about it.

I find it ironic that men continue to go out of their way to give women the world they want, and women continue to complain that it’s not what they wanted or it’s not good enough. The best course of action for the foreseeable future is for men to look out for themselves, keep their professional lives professional, and their private lives private. Women won’t be happy until they live in a socialist utopia where all their needs and wants are met and then they will still complain.