In an apartment complex that I lived in Houston, there was a loose knit collection of about 10-15 singles. We would meet at the pool on the weekends, and have informal parities. If one person knew of a singles event, they would inform the rest, and whoever wanted could attend. I even dated one of the girls in the group for a short time.

In the group, was an attractive girl named Heidi. She was a degreed professional in the oil business. And you couldn’t miss her. She was 5’11”, blonde hair, with blue eyes. Typical for a tall girl, she didn’t have much up top, but she have broad curvy hips and an hour glass waist. She, needless to say, she got the attention of single men.

One Saturday, I was catching rays and drinking beer with some of the other guys at the apartment complex pool, when one man I knew walked up to the group of us. He stated he had proposed to Heidi, and she had turned him down. He approached us in the off chance that someone might know Heidi and put the good word in for him with her. Months later, I was at my section’s pool of the apartment complex. There was a water polo game in progress, one man about 10 feet away me on my left, was playing boom box, and about 10 feet in the other direction were two girls from the group talking about how Heidi had rejected two other men's marriage proposals. I wasn’t getting all the details of the conversation due to noise at the pool and that fact I didn’t really care, so I don’t know if the two girls were jealous of Heidi getting the attention of these two men, or if these women were mocking these men as losers, due to Heidi rejecting them. But the point here is not only was Heidi getting the attention of single men, but marriage proposals.

Fast forward 12 years, one child and one divorce later on my part. A friend wanted me to join a dating agency. He would get a bonus if I joined, and I could join at a discount. I said before I join, I wanted to see what the single girls in the agency look like. I was given a binder of women 30-34 years of age. In the binder were pages of women. At the top of the page, in about 1 inch high letters was the girl's name, then below that a 2"x3" photo of her and below that 3 or 4 paragraphs that she wrote of herself. I started looking, when I got to page 7 or 8, I noticed the name Heidi. I took a good look, and it was her. I quickly scanned her paragraphs. I remembered a phrase of one sentence, it read, “34 years old, never married, no children.” I thought how could this be? I knew of three men who wanted to marry her, and in the 12 years that had passed there must have been more. How was it possible she never married given all the advantages she had? What dating parameters did she employ that failed her so miserably that resulted in her being never married given all the physical advantages she had?

In a social setting, if she were not the most desirable girl, she certainly was one of the more desirable girls. And I am here to tell you Heidi could have had absolutely any man she wanted, and I mean absolutely any man. If a poll had been taken by the single men in the complex of who would be most likely single at the age of 34, I am here to tell you Heidi’s name would not have been at the top of the list. What had she done with her life? How was it possible she never married? Did she think at the age of 34, she would have a bigger and better selection of single males than when she was 24?

I suspect in her 20's, she had a male qualification list as long as her inseam, and if a male were lacking any one of these parameters, he was immediately rejected. She kept saying no to men, until there were no men to say no, to.

I also suspect that all during her early years, she was used to getting plenty of male attention, and assumed her future would be like her past. Why would it change? In her years 17-26, she most likely was the crème de la crème of women. But as she entered her late 20’s, much to her dismay, there were lots of younger girls, many prettier and more approachable, meaning shorter. At 5’11”, she was taller than 99% of the women, 80% of the men and at 28 years of age, older than 90% of both men and women in a single’s bar. She stood out like a sore thumb due to her height and age.

How her story ends? I don’t know. I didn’t join the dating agency. But it was Heidi’s actions and Heidi’s actions alone that made her single. I bet never in her worse nightmare, did she ever think she would be childless and single at the age of 34. She wasted her youth and fertility using extremely flawed dating parameters that she created and imposed on herself and refused to change in spite of years of obvious failure. I can’t say for sure, but I will bet a dollar to a dime, she was a heightist, which made her prospects to find a man even harder.

Updated 11-5-2019

I had been looking at other sites concerning dating, and I discovered the term, Alpha Widow. An Alpha Widow is a woman who pursues Alpha males into her mid 30’s but does not catch them. This is my best guess as to what happened to Heidi.

Updated comments 6/17/2021 from Reddit

I had a Heidi in my family. One of my aunts while in her 20s and early 30s had plenty of marriage proposals but turned them all down for different reasons. This one was too short, that one was bald, this one didn't make enough money, this one isn't from a connected family, etc, etc. She thought because she was attractive the proposals would never end and "Mr. Perfect" would show up eventually if she held out. Well, as she aged the proposals started coming less and less until her late 30s when they stopped completely. She ended up dying all by herself. No husband, no boyfriend, no kids, nothing. Just her in that house by herself. Today my female cousins use her as an example of what could happen wherever one of their friends is being too picky with men.

At my 20th High School reunion one of my classmates had matured into a complete stunner. She was pretty in high school but at the reunion she was really phenomenal looking. A few weeks later I emailed her to let her know and she wrote back with a response that I've never really wrapped my head around. She thanked me for my "encouragement" which really left me puzzled. In hindsight I think she probably took the Heidi route and found herself pushing 40 with no husband, no kids and a damaged ego.