A bit of background my girlfriend and I are 30 and 31 respectively. We have been dating for about a year. I work as a high-level engineer at a good firm and my girlfriend works as a payroll specialist at a good firm too. I make significantly more than her (3x).
Things were good in our relationship until I showed her my retirement/savings. She now doesn't see the point of working and has started framing our relationship in that, she is the beautiful one and that I am the nerdy engineer that was lucky to have her. Before, when we met she was all about making it her own way, eventually starting her own company with her sister in sourcing and recruiting. But now she jokes about driving a Range Rover and wearing Lululemon and going to Yoga.
We were having a discussion again about this 'trophy wife' stuff she brought up that I was nerdy back in the day while she was very popular. I told her she is not a trophy wife, that yes she is attractive but its not a huge difference between us.
I told her had it been the case that I met her when she was 22 and I was my current age than sure, but she isn't 22 anymore. After I said that she just started crying like crazy.
She started saying that I think of her as ugly and used up that her best years are behind are. She just told me that if I am not happy to be with her, why am I even here? to stop wasting her time.
I tried to talk to her but she was in no state for a conversation. I don't know what to say, guys, for me, I just wanted to say that I think we are of similar attractiveness. Like I don't think anyone when they see us turns their head and is like oh she is with him the cause of money? Or damn he is so lucky to be with her. I think it's mutual. She was the one that if anything went after my attractiveness first.
What should I do? I like the fact that we both work and I don't want to change that dynamic. And I don't want her to think too that she is above me that I am so lucky to have her. I want her to think of us as equals and in my attempt to do that I hurt her feelings. What's the next move?
Tl;Dr- ever since my girlfriend found out about my savings she has more often entertained the idea of being a stay at home wife. She has tried to bring up the fact that she was more attractive than me as justification why I am so lucky to be with her and why I should accept this.
[–]moorekomMod[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children) | Copy Link
OP, this does not fit the theme of the sub. We don't allow link posts here. Posts must be analysis based text posts or your story about GYOW.
If you choose to repost it, please do so with an analysis and an archived link to the original.
[–][deleted] 27 points28 points29 points (0 children) | Copy Link
I never understood the concept of a SAHM without kids. If you're not working and you're not raising kids, you're just a freeloader. No self-respecting man would agree to that.
[–]AdorabeHummingbirb[S] 48 points49 points50 points (2 children) | Copy Link
This is really a case of fragile ego and female entitlement, however, since she is a female and that sub is mediocre, people have started discussing about how society puts a lot of pressure on women to look good. It’s so pathetic.
[–]EDGY_WEDGE6911 points12 points13 points (1 child) | Copy Link
yea i went through the comments, ppl were saying OP is so cruel for being so straightforward and "needs to work on his communication skills". Reverse the roles and they would have blamed OP of fragile ego
[–]DeeplyDisturbed1Mod4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Well, let's be honest. Those comments are correct. What man can be truly honest with a woman?
Also, "Communication skills" is another way of saying "You aren't allowed to say things I don't like"
[–]beenthere78916 points17 points18 points (2 children) | Copy Link
As the old heavy metal tune goes..
"run for the hills, Run for your life"
You gotta put a whole lot of gone between you and a crazy narcissitic bitch like that...
[–]Jakeybaby1253 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Run To The Hills, Run For Your Life.
[–]new_account_201560 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
I bought that single when it was released....
[–]HornsOfApathy12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Her: I'm the prize!
Him: uhhh, not really?
Her: My fee fees! I hit the wall, put me on the pedestal!
Him: nah.
[–]Alturius12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
This looks very one-sided, ie her plan is that you are doing all the work whilst she plans on lounging around loafing all day. What is she bringing to the table? This is not the recipe for a partnership. Would you invest in a company where you put in 100% of the capital whilst your other partner put in nothing, but if the company went bust they would automatically get 50% of the assets by law? Whilst you are out trying to reduce operating costs, attract new business, increase your profits, grow the business and invest in your company, the other partner is living it up with expensive office furniture, generous expenses accounts, lavish dinners at exclusive restaurants, hires luxury limos and travels first class on flights. Your working hours get longer whilst the other partner loafs and spends at leisure.
You might not like this but it is a well researched fact that people generally tend to pair up with some of the opposite sex who is of similar attractiveness to themselves. Sports Personalities and Pop Stars tend to pair up with supermodels, A-list celebs with A-list celebs, 10's with 10's, 9's with 9's etc. If she thinks she's more attractive than you then beware because the partner who considers they are the more attractive is more likely to have an affair with an affair partner who they perceive is as equally attractive as themselves. The less attractive partner tends to become more controlling, maybe jealous and adopts mate guarding tactics. Also remember that you are approaching your prime, she has already past hers. In reality, your market value is increasing whilst hers is decreasing.
Look down! That black and gold cord is the ejection seat handle – it can save your life. Maintain situational awareness and do not allow yourself to get too low. If she is unresponsive to you, despite several attempts at emergency restart or correcting manoeuvres or still won't fly straight, then it is Martin Baker Time (or ACES II Time if you are in the USA)! Please don't crash and burn - you only have the one life! YOURS! So live your life - Not hers!
"A successful man is one who earns more than his wife can spend! A successful woman is one who can find such a man!" [Lana Turner]
[–]R41nmaker16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Without knowing what their respective SMVs are, she should be incredibly grateful and to be in a relationship with a guy like him. The guy likely makes 6 figures ($120k at least) and he can find himself a younger, hotter and tighter woman to settle down with. The fact that he’s even in a relationshit [sic] with a 30F who’s best years are behind her, is nothing short of a miracle for her.
[–]Sumfuc14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
All I saw was her not wanting to work as soon as she knew his 401k/savings acct. He’s a sucker if he doesn’t keep her in her place.
[–]PenisRice6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Once a woman starts up with the tears, she’s admitting defeat. It’s the last shot to fire and it’s designed to make a guy feel like shit and second guess himself.
Sounds like OP isn’t falling for this and sticking to his guns. Smart move
[–]CuriousIncel23 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
She thought she was so high value that she "settled" for the beta male, a good provider (makes 3x what she does), only to find the husband doesn't share this delusion.
[–]TimeyWimey14671 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
The comments are cancer there. All of them suggesting counselling or that she is only feeling insecure and therefore not a gold digger.
If she is insecure about lower financial contributions than him, she wouldn't be talking about leaving her job and staying at home. She isn't insecure about finance. She is gold digger.
She definitely is insecure about her looks, atleast after OPs comment about age.
He should dump her.
[–]mr_kuk0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
If she was making more than he, then she is insecure that he isn't good enough. In all scenarios she is the one who is insecure and in all scenarios he is the one to blame.
[–]DeeplyDisturbed1Mod0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Her:
Him:
Her: