Okay Chubby McGee. Let’s chat. What's your deal?

Me

Yes bitch Did I stutter?

How tall are you?

5’3”

How much do you weigh

Petite

Bitch, I said HOW MUCH DO YOU WEIGH. Say that shit one more fucking time…

Curvy

Fuck it. Okay, you’re chubby and afraid to admit it. i get it.

What else is fucked up about you?

Divorced

Yeah. That’ll do it.

What did you have for lunch.

3 Boys

Dude. WTF! Do you mean...

My interest vary

Yeah, but damn woman! Are you saying that you...

So just ask

I am TRYING BITCH!

How do you cope with being a cannibal (or a pederast – not sure and afraid to ask)?

I drink

Yeah. I bet you do.

What else is nasty about you since we’re so far down this rabbit hole.

I Smoke

Oof. Do you have any self respect at all?

…And 420 friendly

Well, that explains a lot.

So, what are you looking for in a man?

You

NO BITCH! Not me You are undateable - especially to me.

What are you looking for in ANY MAN. Answer the fucking question. Start with the most important thing about a man that is a make or break thing. Like he is smart, kind, hard working, good moral character - you know, like admirable traits.

It’s a simple FUCKING QUESTION!

At least 6’

You are one nasty superficial broad. I don’t like you.

So what else should said man be, aside from tall?

Single

Well, that’s the most sensible thing you have said so fa….

Alpha male

Are you fucking joking right now?

Reside in (blackness)

Are you putting out a racial preference right now or was that some sort of joke. Either way, its Racist!

Please be respectful

BITCH! You did NOT just…

I have a brain

Oh the fuck you do! Your brain is about as large as…

And a personality

HOLY SHITE! Your personality is about as appealing as….

I’m happy where I am in my life, Just...

Bitch you are lying! And stop cutting me off. You are missing something upstairs and you should really ….

Just missing someone

BITCH. You are certifiable! Someone to what?

to share it with

And by “it” do you mean HERPES!?

I don’t understand female code language. Oh, who am I bulltshitting. I am a skank whisperer. I can see right through you sugar tits

So let’s get this over with. What The FUCK Are you looking for?

Looking for something with potential

Potential for what? Incarceration?

To grow

Then get a houseplant bitch!

Let’s meet and talk

face slap

Okay. Fine. But you bring the booze, the protective gear, and the condoms.

And let's keep this on the DL. if my friends on WAATGM find out, my reputation will be toast.

FML...Blame it on Corona Fever.

Edit- Artistic license.


Thanks to /u/Solomon_Knight for the Original

Also, shout out to my man /u/goodmansaysfuckyou for his contribution to a similar previous post.