In response to this

If you're looking for a hookup, keep moving

WOAH! I am moving. Moving along. Moving Moving Moving.... HELP!

Because I'm not going to match with you

Oh, you can bet all two tons of your sweet ass that I am not going to match with you.

I have my shit together

Your bowel movements are the last thing I want to think about rn.

and I'm not here for games.

Well, you are a joke, so not sure what you have against games.

I want a good man in my life

BWUAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAA!

Oh shit. My sides.

Nanny

Daddy.

I love this game!

God is first

I am going to guess that God comes second to Ronald McDonald. Just a guess.

Sister to a bunch of brothers

STEP brothers?

(He he)

I love football

Oh, the old "I'm not like other girls" ploy.

yawn

I want to settle down with the right person one day

Yeah, well, one day came and went and you missed that boat. Sorry..

I know my worth and I'm not settling for less

You are worth about 3,169 Big Macs in my estimation. So where does the "settling" come in here?

Always up for a gym partner

BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Oh shit! I just got it! This is a joke profile! Damn, you almost had me! Nice!

You just became cool and funny af!

If we can't play cornhole on Saturday, then go to church together on Sunday, I don't want it

Uh. ok.

Ask for the snap

Wait, you were being serious?!!

Thanks to /u/asdf333aza for the original.