Phrases in quotes. Translations in italics.

The everpopular "My child(ren) is (are) my world"

--The kids are more important to me than any man ever will be to me, because their father(s) is (are) shit, every man i've ever known is shit, and therefore, all men are shit. Men exist to for my utility, exploitation, and resource extraction. YOU are shit. But I'll happily accept your money and resources.

"Exercise 1-2 times a week"

--Takes a walk around the block once a month. Makes extra trips up and down the stairs carrying laundry baskets.

Descriptions of preferred builds/body types for men:

"About average" looks like this

"Athletic and toned" looks like this

"A few extra pounds" looks like this

"Stocky" looks like this

"Keeping in shape is a big part of my life and I want it to be important to my man too."

--No fat guys. No average guys. If you have even a little bit of a gut, forget it. If you don't look like this or this or, for God's sake, AT LEAST like this, stay the fuck away from me.

"I'm looking for an established man"

--I want a man who's making a lot of money in a prestigious job.

"I'm looking for a distinguished man"

--I want an older man with money. A sugar daddy or a Silver Fox.

"I'm looking for a guy to have some fun with."

--I'm looking for a younger man with a hot body and a 9 inch cock who can get hard in 5 seconds for some down and dirty backbreaking sex.

Identifies as having children/is a mother; but also as "never married"

--I am low value, white trash, or underclass, and was unable to get a man of acceptable quality to commit to me. I had no problems letting at least one man knock me up and keeping the kid, though. He and I shacked up for a while but it just didn't work out.

I lack the appearance, discipline, maturity, demeanor, and/or future time orientation necessary to attract a decent quality man, keep him, and stay with him through tough times. I'm either a total bitch, colossally stupid, or irredeemably self-centered.

"I've been single/divorced for X years."

I've been UNMARRIED for X years. I've been divorced from my ex husband(s) for X years. That does NOT mean I have not been dating men, having a few relationships with a few men, hooking up with men, and having sex with men during those X years. I most definitely HAVE been doing all those things, and more, during these past X years.

Identifies as Roman Catholic, is divorced, and says "my faith is important to me"

--My faith really isn't important to me. I have every intention of meeting men on here and having sex with attractive men, even though my professed faith still considers me married to the man i divorced and even though my faith prohibits extramarital sex. According to my professed faith I'm a married woman and I intend to commit adultery with men I'm not married to. I also have every intention of remarrying if possible, even though my professed faith says I cannot do that and will not recognize me as married except to the man i divorced.

So, being a Catholic and observing the rules on sex and marriage is not important to me. I know what those rules are and i know what they allow and don't allow. I just don't care. I have to say my faith is important to me because I know i am breaking those rules and committing mortal sin (according to the tenets of my faith), and I need my hamster to help me justify my breaking those rules.

"No games, no players"

--The last few guys pumped and dumped me. But, yeah, you can be a player or play games if you're hot enough.

"My faith in God is important to me and i need for it to be important to you too."

--I need to virtue signal here for several reasons. First, I believe claiming religious faith increases my value to the beta provider nice guys I am trying to attract for utility and exploitation. Second, I need to feel better about my past fuckups and my divorce(s) because God sure wasn't important to me then. Third, presenting as a religious woman helps me sort out and separate the betas who actually believe i'm religious and who i can use and exploit; from the hot men i really want, but who see through my bullshit. Fourth, announcing my alleged faith keeps players away until i want them.

"I'm not here looking for hookups, so if that's what you're wanting, swipe left."

--More virtue signaling. More attempts to separate attractive men from unattractive men. I am definitely down for a hookup if you are hot enough.

"I've been hurt before, my marriage ended because i was young and he was a jerk."

--My ex husband actually expected me to be a wife. He expected me to hold up my end of the marriage bargain. He expected me to actually bond to him and stay with him. Can you believe the nerve of this guy? He actually expected me to COOPERATE with him! He actually expected me to take responsibility! He actually expected me to be accountable to him!

He wanted me to do things to make that marriage work. He expected me to have sex with him at reasonable intervals, even though it was only once every 10 to 14 days. I mean that is SOOOO unreasonable. It was SOOOO limiting and constricting! It is not fair to expect me to do things or to take on obligations or responsibilities in a marriage.

"My ex and i are great friends."

--When I kicked my ex to the curb, he agreed to everything i demanded threatened him with asked for. Mostly because if he didn't, i would have had my lawyer and the family court judge ram a spike studded baseball bat up his ass. But the court takes out his alimony and child support payments every month, and he works hard and takes the kids every other weekend so i can have my neverending string of men over to my place. So yeah. My ex is great.

In profile, woman aged 40+ seeking younger men

--I am a cougar looking for cubs to hook up with.

In profile, woman seeking "marriage, serious relationships, casual relationships, friendship"

--I am open to hookups and casual sex, regardless of anything else in this profile.

Woman identifies as "athletic and toned" actually looks like this.

Woman identifies as "about average" actually looks like this

Woman identifies as "a few extra pounds" actually looks like this

Woman identifies as "politically conservative":

--Lauren Southern and Fox News are awesome. I listen to contemporary Christian music. I am against abortion. But i still like all the gains feminism made for us women and will take full advantage of them.

Woman identifies as "politically middle of the road":

--If you voted for Trump I will cut your dick off and stuff it in your mouth.

Woman identifies as "politically liberal":

--If you voted for Trump I will stab you in the heart and then shoot you in the head, call my friends, and have them help me bury you in a shallow grave.

"I love men with a sense of humor, who can make me laugh. I also find an intelligent man attractive."

--I want these things in a man for a relationship, but he must also look like this.

"My man must be able to deal with my sarcasm. Because i can be sarcastic sometimes, and that's just who i am."

--I can be a real cuntbitch sometimes and you're just going to have to deal with that. I'm emotionally volatile, I'm mentally unstable, and I'm probably an undiagnosed Cluster B personality disorder. But I am not going to change for any man.

"I've been to Hawaii, Spain, the Maldives, Italy and London. Places I want to go: Cancun, Montreal, Iceland, Greece, Australia"

--I fucked a lot of hot guys in those places I've been to. I want to go to these other places and fuck hot guys there.

Also, I believe that listing out all the places I've been and all the "experiences" I've had makes me appear interesting, cosmopolitan, worldly, ambitious, and well rounded, and I believe this makes me more attractive to men. When, actually, I am massively projecting what I find attractive in men and believing that what I find attractive in men is what men find attractive in women.

"I love traveling to new places, catching a movie, eating out, shopping, trying new wine, and ziplining."

--Here i list all the things I want to do that I expect you to take me on and pay for. I'll enjoy myself and make eyes at whatever hot guys i can find, while you take care of the bills.

"I'm a traditional kind of girl. I want a man to be chivalrous to me. I am really attracted to gentlemen."

--These are things i expect of men I'm not attracted to so i can justify my using and exploiting them. Also it helps me separate out the attractive men from the beta bucks guys.

"I already have my kids, I'm not looking to take on another one."

--My last boyfriend was a real asshole. I supported us, I took care of us, he lived off me, I fronted him some rent money he still hasn't paid back, I washed his skid stained underwear, and nursed him during his hangovers. The sex was awesome, but I'm not going through that again.

"My kids and my family are important to me and I hope they're important to you too."

--I expect you to start supporting me and my children immediately.

"I'm looking to spend some time with somebody on the nights I don't have my kids."

--Finally, i can whore around like i always wanted to! I'm looking for a guy (or guys) to be my booty call. I'm looking for guys to come to my place and fuck me when I feel like it. I don't want my kids to know what a slutbag i am. You must be ready with hard cock upon demand.