~ archived since 2018 ~

Gay Men are Women

January 1, 2015

"Gay men are basically just women". It's a thought that passes through my mind from time to time as I navigate the waters of dating and relationships with men. Of course I can think of no community more than this one that would both reject that statement and at the same time understand it's meaning. We are not women, of course not. Most of us here have a strong understanding of our masculinity and firmly root our person-hoods there in. And still, looking outward we deal with an increasingly effeminate pool of men. We have all at one point or another had this thought. And you know what? Thats the way it should be.

There is a discomfort withing the gay community and amongst gay men talking about this dynamic. The question "who's the guy and who's the girl?" has been satirized into oblivion. Its now taboo to ask anything of the sort. The sexual roles of a couple are kept a closely guarded secret from outsiders. Culture shuts down conversation of the dynamic with thought-terminating clichés like "You don't ask two chopsticks which one is the fork". The black out on talking about this topic is so pervasive that for some time I really thought that gay men were just chopsticks. Two equal partners. Friends with benefits. I thought my preferences were not representative of the whole.

But of course, as anyone who spends some time gaying out will find, thats not the case. Men tend to fit into certain stereotypes and they want their partners to as well. They respond positively when you act a certain way and get disinterested when you don't. They don't want someone just like themselves to share their bed with. They want a man so they can be a woman.

The regularity to which gay men fit into these roles is astounding. This study by Nick Yee nicely illustrates the preferences of different gay men. Certainly there is quite a bit of versatility displayed by the respondents to his study. There are people who purport to like others of the same age, height, body type, ect. But They fall withing the bathtub curve of those who prefer contrasting partners. Those who are primarily sexually receptive (bottoms) are attracted to older, taller, hairier men. And, shockingly, tops are attracted to younger, shorter, smooth-skinned. The preferences mimick male-female relations, even down to the love for rough sex.

Whats important to note is that, just like hetero attractions, these egalitarian "someone similar to me" preferences are paid lip service by a large portion of the population, but that doesn't change the fact that those who more closely fit their respective male female roles are found more attractive by their counterparts. None of this is of much surprise to anybody, but somehow it's not being discussed in the wider gay community. Whether its out of fear that bottoms will feel emasculated or just general disdain for observing the workings of the sexual market place, it doesn't matter. Understanding this will let you attract the men you want.

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Post Information
Title Gay Men are Women
Author Jobby_jabber
Upvotes 9
Comments 3
Date January 1, 2015 7:44 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit /r/altTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/altTRP/gay-men-are-women.163354
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/altTRP/comments/2r11v7/gay_men_are_women/
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[–]BosomsaurusRex 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't know if I buy this. Most of my "gay circle" consists of the same cut of man: somewhat hairy, muscular, outdoorsy or athletic, maybe a little more in tune with fashion or music than the average straight guy, but still generally what you'd call the "male role" by your description. We're all mostly vers but have a handful of bottoms who are just as "male role" as the rest. And sure, I'll admit to having found some pretty feminine bottoms on Grindr romps, as most of us could, but my taste definitely lies in the same type of guy.

I'm gay because I'm a man who's attracted to men, not smooth-skinned, primped, women in mens' bodies, and I'm sure some of you can relate.

[–]frankie_q 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think this boils down to there being two main types of homosexual. The first is, as per your title, men with women's brains (I won't discuss lesbians, just invert the genders and it all applies the same). Many (perhaps most?) men-with-women's-brains grow up feeling like they're in the wrong body; they suffer gender dysmorphia, and we understand this as transgenderism.

However, it's conceivable that there are also men-with-women's-brains who don't feel like they're in the wrong body. They are happy with the sex they were born into. But they still have women's brains, women's thought processes and women's sexual preference. This is your typical effeminate homo. Let's call him the Type 1 Homosexual.

Now, consider the prevalence of homosexuality in the following places: Ancient Greece. The Navy. Prison. It's hard to believe that the Spartan / Theban 300 were women trapped in men's bodies. There was no question of their masculinity, nor of their romantic devotion to one another. Put in certain scenarios, a large percentage of men will engage in homosexual activities, and enjoy it too. Whether or not they take feminine or masculine partners will depend on what made them like men in the first place.

Type 2 Homosexuals are men-with-men's-brains - otherwise perfectly normal men - and this will include most bisexual men - who for some unexplained reason have come to prefer sex with their own gender.

Type-1 homosexuals, having women's brains, will indeed probably act like women and adopt the typical feminine roles in a relationship. Type 2 homos on the other hand, will probably act like the normal men they are.

I'm not really convinced by the research linked. The source was gay.com users (a website deeply embedded within the "gay community" and "queer culture"), and the authors assumed that hairy, tall, fat and old == more masculine. Not sure that can really be asserted. I can't think of any time I've ever known a masculine homosexual to prefer effeminate partners. It's always "masc4masc", "no femmes", etc. on dating profiles and thinking of men I know in real life, this pattern seems pretty dominant.

[–]ordinator2008 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree with the other comments. I've known effeminate gay guys who think and emote like men, masc gays who think and emote like women, Big hairy bottoms, twinky tops, - the whole spectrum. But we must look at an individual, and using generalizations, determine what combo of traits they hold. Knowing that a specific guy self-identifies as twink, or bear, or bro, or muscle Mary, but emotes as male or female, and thinks like dom or sub, and, man or boy, is the key when we Alt/tRP them.

I'm the cliche Masc-Bear-Top who likes Boy-Twink-Bottoms, but the important aspect in my relationship choices, is if the guy has a male oriented emotional being, I will be successful. I've dated trans-girls, who have a male mindset, and loved their beautiful tits! I've dated perfect ambercrombie models who have a female mindset -and couldn't get away fast enough!

TLDR; Identify which combo of traits your target has, determine if that's what you want, then utilize your knowledge and charms to seduce that target into being the perfect short term or long term companion.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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