I’m 24 and have been dating a man 14 years my senior since September, and I’m beginning to suspect that he is a narcissist.
He is a very intellectually inclined man which has been the biggest draw for me. His great intellectualism and superb writing skills have lead him to some acclaim as a journalist. In fact, he works for one of the biggest networks in television producing news content. However, he often seems restless and dissatisfied with his current position. His only been working in his current position for a little over a year and a half, but he seems desperate to give it up and explore “bigger and better things.” Namely, he is overly obsessed with doing journalistic work in South America and Africa; sometimes it is all he can talk about, and it doesn’t seem to be for any clear altruistic reasons just selfish reasons mostly. It seems pretty absurd that one would risk a steady network television job with benefits to travel for an undetermined amount of time in the midst of a pandemic with the expectation that jobs will be available for him when he returns to the U.S. The more I’m thinking about it the more I’m realizing that he is out of touch with reality. Not to mention the emotionally distance is really crazy. We can have such a great time together when emotions are not involved and times aren’t tough; but he seems to completely shut down when it comes time to discuss my emotions. Nevertheless, when it comes time to discuss his hardships I’m all ears.
For example, 3 weeks ago my mother was hospitalized with COVID and suffered a psychiatric episode during her extended hospital stay and I was so worried about her well being, particularly since she lives on the opposite coast. Also I was trying to get through my college final exams at the same time. As a result, I had an emotional breakdown in front of him and he could hardly touch me and gave me a pitiful pat on the back then proceeded to go into the kitchen to wash dishes. Like what the hell? Then when I returned to my apartment that evening he sends a message about how he enjoys my company, blah blah blah...like why not just engage with me emotionally when I’m in front of you?
Up until that point I really felt that we were growing closer emotionally, as we went through a very difficult lose of pregnancy a couple months prior. In fact, he paid for all my medical expenses related and he stayed by my side for several days afterwards when I was recovering. He seemed very concerned about my physical health, but it seemed he couldn’t really manage to discuss my emotional health in depth. I felt hurt that he was discussing my situation in depth with family and friends but he couldn’t seem to discuss the situation we were going through in depth with me; and he ensured to refer to me as a “friend” to his family when discussing the situation. A friend? Really? I forgave all of this because I figured it was just emotionally overwhelming for him but now I’m just really starting to think there is a real dark nature about him.