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Approaching my self harm scars as a HVW? *potential TW*

May 25, 2021

As a child I had some serious mental health issues which unfortunately resulted in a very short episode of self harming which left me with some very noticeable and extreme scars on my arms. I’m completely fine now and it hasn’t happened in about 10 years, but obviously all of the stigma attached to it is still present sometimes in my life because people can clearly see what happened and without knowing the history and time period etc may just assume that I am mentally ill and still engage in these behaviours.

I guess I’m just wondering how I can approach this in a HVW way, especially with regards to dating new men. I usually wear long sleeves to work and on a first date but in general day to day life I very rarely cover them up (not on purpose anyway!).

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Post Information
Title Approaching my self harm scars as a HVW? *potential TW*
Author luceario
Upvotes 20
Comments 4
Date May 25, 2021 8:35 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/approaching-my-self-harm-scars-as-a-hvw-potential.791882
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/nkktgc/approaching_my_self_harm_scars_as_a_hvw_potential/

[–]ASeaOfQuotesFDS Specialist 34 points35 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I would say, if you are asked about them, give succinct explanation of what you said here. “I had some troubling issues when I was 12, these are very old scars. But that’s not something I talk about on dates, let’s talk about XYZ instead.” And move on.

If they start pressuring you for more information it’s a good way to vet out disingenuous men who want to hear your trauma before you are ready to talk about it. You do not owe anyone an explanation, but of course context can be helpful in framing your current mindset by providing the general age these scars were obtained.

[–]seawitchbitch 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Get some HIGH QUALITY tattoos to cover it. Covering that kind of pain which something truly unique and beautiful will negate the focus and change where the attention goes.

[–]marimare21 15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I too had self arm scars on my upper arms and decided that when I was ready to move on from the trauma, that I would get them tattooed over. And I did ! They are beautiful and I feel that the past is in the past now.

[–]sarahsanchez1220 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m in a similar position as you, having self-harm scars from many years ago. Also like you, it’s not something I’ve struggled with for a very long time, so it’s not something I think about often. Also, mine are on my leg, so it doesn’t come up until much later in a relationship.

But when I told my current HV boyfriend about it, he listened well and was very kind, but did not pry further or make a big deal out of it at all. I just explained the I used to self-injure to deal with pain brought on by not having other tools to deal with the pain after a very hard situation. I referenced what the situation was, but kept it general then and still haven’t felt like I needed to go into more detail. He’s not brought it up since and it doesn’t seem to have affected his views of me at all (which I was concerned about, as I didn’t want him to view me differently). I think seeing how a partner handles this kind of information can be very telling. I was really nervous to share, but it was much less of a thing than I thought. I’d be wary of a man who seems too interested in them/what lead up to them. It feels like trauma porn and I would be very uncomfortable. Simply listening and acknowledging that you were in a hard place, but are doing great now is plenty imo. Good luck and I’m so glad you’re in a much healthier place!

P.S. I have also gotten tattoos in that area and that’s made me feel much more empowered as well.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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