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Attachment Theory?

February 23, 2021
29 upvotes

Has anyone looked into attachment theory when implementing FDS principles? If so, what was your style? Have you moved towards a Secure style? Have you worked on it?

I did a therapy session recently and my therapist had me take the assessment. I'm shocked to say I got Fearful Avoidant. I thought for a long time I was just Anxious-Preoccupied but now that I think about it, it makes more sense. It's like I want intimacy and approval with men and (as a young and spry PickMeisha) went WAY over the top with it, effectively having no standards or requirements as long as they wouldn't leave me. There is also an element to me, due to family trauma, that is very wounded and can be cold too and push them away. Evidently not cold enough to dump their asses when they treat me bad, even if they needed to go. I still had the PickMe in me to keep going and make excuses and keep them around for not even breadcrumbs, but dog kibbles. Dog kibbles. So I had always thought I had Anxious attachment for this very reason.

I found this to be insightful in understanding my personality. That you can be a variable of an avoidant and still be a PickMeisha. Up until then, I thought only Anxious-Preoccupied = 100% PickMeisha and I thought my occasional cold nature was me just standing up for myself or "punishing" in a way, which isn't right.

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Post Information
Title Attachment Theory?
Author dancedancedance83
Upvotes 29
Comments 3
Date February 23, 2021 11:38 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/attachment-theory.792519
https://theredarchive.com/post/792519
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/lqwokc/attachment_theory/
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Comments

[–]luvmyvulvaxoxoFDS Specialist 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think it can be useful as long as it’s not a meter for decisions or working on yourself.

We all have aspects of every type of personality. And you can quickly ignore red flags or issues in yourself if you get too attached to these personality tests.

And our views of ourselves isn’t always accurate. What you see in yourself isn’t going to be what your last bf saw, or your mom, or your gf.

I think I just talked myself into thinking personality tests are actually detrimental to self realization. You may think you’re fearful for taking it slow and then be convinced “oh I’m just anxious, I need to get over that” when you’re fearful because there’s red flags!

[–]FluffandRaincloudsFDS Moderator 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You may think you’re fearful for taking it slow and then be convinced “oh I’m just anxious, I need to get over that” when you’re fearful because there’s red flags!

Oh, if this isn't the truth! This is something I would lie to myself about but I would still feel miserable and uneasy. If not done right, tests can absolutely divert you from the north star "gut"/danger signal into that dangerous, cognitive-dissonant rationalizing mindspace.

[–]fierce_and_mightyFDS Specialist 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I (21) am a huge lover of Attachment Theory and really devoted my me-time to it before I found FDS about 4 months ago. I watched tons of Thais Gibson on youtube and did a heap of her paid courses. It helped me get out of a relationship with my toxic ex (21m). He was a huge DA (maybe FA but a relationship triggered his deactivation) and I was mostly anxious preoccupied and a third ish secure. I would say that with all the work I have done, most of it hard, I have been able to become sooo much more secure. Which for me looked like breaking codependence and learning how to self soothe. My learning is far from done and I am really passionate about it now. I highlyyyy recommend watching Personal Development School youtube channel with Thais if you haven’t already. She is an angel.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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