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Boyfriend suddenly making 0 effort for sex?

March 11, 2021
94 upvotes

So when I first started having sex with my boyfriend he was very gentle, a lot of foreplay and he would always make sure I had an orgasm before we even started having sex.

Recently however, he seems to think it’s OK to just do a half assed foreplay for two minutes and then go straight for sex. He’s not really gentle or romantic anymore and even is a bit vulgar about it. We have sex for about five minutes, he cums and then sometimes apologises for not making me cum and other times doesn’t address it. Either way he just then gets up and goes about his day, leaving me feeling super annoyed.

Today I put on a cute underwear set and went to surprise him as he woke up. Same thing again. Didn’t even show any appreciation for my effort or say anything about it.

How do I address this with him? It’s honestly putting me off having sex with him altogether.

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Post Information
Title Boyfriend suddenly making 0 effort for sex?
Author luceario
Upvotes 94
Comments 19
Date March 11, 2021 5:39 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/boyfriend-suddenly-making-0-effort-for-sex.792408
https://theredarchive.com/post/792408
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/m2vxcl/boyfriend_suddenly_making_0_effort_for_sex/
Comments

[–][deleted] 126 points127 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

At this point I’m concerned that he lovebombed you sexually and now he’s showing you what he’s really willing to give. He knows what’s pleasurable for you because he used to do it. In my experience, things never improve when guys pull this shit. I have nearly two decades of experience of this pattern in relationships. Try to talk to him about it but if he gives you even a hint of gaslighting or blame shifting, leave. If he says ok and then proceeds to continue his behavior, don’t have sex with him again. Just leave and move on with your life. If you have to chase a man for sex, you’ll be in for a vicious cycle that ruins your self esteem.

[–]onlyrhetorical 169 points170 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Also, wtf is apologizing for not making you cum. That is the stupidest shit I heard. If only there was a way he could fix that by, you know, making you cum.

[–]ASeaOfQuotesFDS Specialist 148 points149 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The first time this happened you should have stopped having sex, yes, even in the middle of the act. Foreplay for 2 minutes, and he goes for penetration? You tell him you’re not ready. If he whines about it, tries to continue, etc, then he doesn’t care about your feelings, he’s using you as a human flesh light. It’s one thing to be eager; it’s another to be impatient. He’s found out he can get away with it because it keeps happening, so either stop having bad sex with him until he steps his game up, or leave him.

I vote for leave him.

[–]onlyrhetorical 136 points137 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I would leave. He's showing you that he doesn't give a shit about you and only cares for his pleasure. For me, sex is an important part of a relationship, so, I don't see how I would be able to be with a partner who only cares about his penis and sees me like a warm fleshlight.
If you would post this and ask for advice on other relationship subreddits, you would get advice to cOmMuNicate and "tell him how it makes you feel". But let's be real; he knows. He is not stupid. He knows how sex works, this doesn't come from a place of inexperience, because he knew about foreplay and actually put effort at the beginning of your relationship. I think he just thinks he can get away with being a lazy and inconsiderate lover because he feels comfortable in your relationship and thinks you won't leave him. Or he doesn't give a shit about the relationship and the fact that you might leave. It's just not worth it to communicate the obvious

[–]stillcantsee 68 points69 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You address it by breaking up with him. Why does everything need to be investigated? This man, to your face, acknowledges he does not even care to try to please you sexually. Where are the redeeming qualities here? I don't see any

[–]socalqueenofcheese 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"Where are the redeeming qualities?" LOL. Gold!!!!

[–]ENFP_Canadian 37 points38 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My narc ex did this too me. Love bombed me sexually then became extremely selfish and made it all about him. Rejected me all the time. Should've left him sooner.

[–]Buckley92 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'd break up. Not even bother with 'Either things go back to how they were...' It'll be ok for a week then this again.

[–]saint-jezebel 26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You can talk to him about it and see what excuses he comes up with, but he’s not interested in your pleasure, just his. Even if it does change, he will always revert back. Dump him.

[–]sweet_birthday_babyy 22 points23 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Tell him he needs to fix it. If he values you enough, he will, immediately.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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