~ archived since 2018 ~

Do LV men change?

February 26, 2021

Was thinking about this as I was reflecting on (and laughing about) my LV/NVM exes. I'm pretty sure one is married with a child and I wouldn't be surprised if the others are in other relationships. Of course getting in another relationship doesn't exactly mean changed behavior, but in terms of looking for and meeting a HVM-- what if they were LV before? Or is the concept of HV something that's pretty stable and embedded in a man's character?

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Post Information
Title Do LV men change?
Author dancedancedance83
Upvotes 16
Comments 9
Date February 26, 2021 8:01 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/do-lv-men-change.792487
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/lssycc/do_lv_men_change/

[–]stillcantsee 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Maybe, but probably not. I certainly have no intention or interest in sticking around to see if it happens 🀣

[–]LordDunderhead15 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

Certainly possible, but only after hurting someone else in the process and never while being with the person they're currently dating.

They might be HV for the next person after undergoing some degree of self reflection.

There's just no way of knowing if maybe he'd been shit in the past and it definitely helps not getting too attached too quickly lol. I guess that's the sad part about dating any HVM.

[–]HighPriestess31 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I was going to say, it usually only happens if they get dumped by a HVW and realize it's their fault. But this requires a lot of self-awareness and self-reflection.

[–]okeyda 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'd like to remain hopeful. But since it's something they're gonna have to want themselves, it's not going to happen. Enter fds informing women to not putting up with shit anymore.

[–]MelatoninNightmaresFDS Specialist 6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

It's technically possible, especially if the LV traits were due to something like immaturity, addictions (incl porn), or a LV friend group. For example, a 21yo party guy who grows up, sobers up, and gets serious about his life at age 26 would probably have been LV when he was partying, but might be HV after sobering up and choosing to lead a more ambitious, healthy life.

However, a LVM will probably never have the self-awareness and humility to make that choice. So I think the issue is more accurately framed as "men of HV character can make bad choices and fall into LV behavior," rather than "LVM can become HVM." I think that's a more fair and accurate way of putting it. Good people can make bad choices, but bad people rarely become good people.

That said, we'll never know from the outside which is which. And we aren't Bob the Builder chicks who stay with men who exhibit LV behavior in the hopes of "saving" them.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]MelatoninNightmaresFDS Specialist 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The kind of man who would see a woman who partied in college or whatever as "damaged goods" isn't the kind of man we're trying to date anyway. Why would we care what some insecure scrotes think of us? Nobody here would claim that a woman who partied in her youth or struggled with addiction or made less-than-ideal choices is a low-value woman undeserving of love. Don't base your standards or your self-worth on what a scrote might think.

My point is, if a man is currently acting like a LVM, it doesn't matter if he might become a HVM someday, you don't waste your time on him. And maybe he will. It's possible. But it's not for us to figure out.

[–]dancedancedance83[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Fair enough, this is a good explanation! I wonder for (hopefully) a future HVM that I come across, he may have a past as you describe-- having exhibited LV behavior when he was younger, but choosing and have been leading a more ambitious, healthy life for some time. I didn't want to think expecting a HVM from the womb was just way too aspirational and unrealistic while at the same time I'm not into entertaining LV behavior or building a dude to an upward bridge to get on my level either.

[–]MelatoninNightmaresFDS Specialist 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think that's a healthy attitude. Men are people, just like us. There's not a single woman here who is proud of every single thing she has ever done in her past. We should consider a man's past when vetting him, of course. Past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior. And there's a difference between a guy who abused his past girlfriends, and say, a guy who used to party a lot and play a lot of video games. The former suggests a fundamental flaw in character. The latter suggests immaturity, which, by definition, we can grow out of. There's some room for nuance here, is what I'm getting at. Don't excuse obvious red flags in the name of giving of a guy the benefit of the doubt. View current behavior through the lens of past behavior, and keep your eyes wide open for the difference between legitimate maturation and change, and faking to get what he wants. Vet hard, and never stop vetting.

And remember - we don't build, and we don't give second chances. If a LVM wants to mature and change on his own, that's great. Maybe he'll be a great, HV partner for some other woman some day. But once a guy has established those behavior patterns with you, they won't change.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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