~ archived since 2018 ~

Do you give out your social medias or withhold them from the men you date?

January 27, 2021

Hello there everyone! My backstory with this post: So before the covid lockdown happened, last year in March, I was talking to different men on Hinge and while I don’t have a problem giving my number out (It’s a google voice number lol. I NEVER give out my real number to any man. Never.) I do have a problem sharing my social medias. Not all the men I talked to would ask for it but some would and I’d simply tell them, “I’m sorry but I don’t feel comfortable giving out my social media handles until I get to know you better. We can still text or talk on the phone though of course” .

Now one reason why I don’t give out my social medias to any man I date is because I had a bad experience in the past with a man who was angry because I didn’t want to pursue anything more with him. I made the mistake of giving him my Instagram handle (stupid of me I know; this was over 3 years ago) one day while we were out on a date. It seemed harmless at first but quite quickly I realized my mistake.

About 4 dates in I realized this man and I did not have much in common, he was a LVM trying to masquerade as a HVM with “money”, nor was I interested in pursuing things much further with him. I let him know, on our final 4th date, that while he seemed nice I just wasn’t feeling a connection with him and that I wished him all the best in life. He asked me if we could still be friends and I told him no because it’s insanely awkward doing that. Lol. He seemingly took it well in person and did not have much of a reaction besides “Ok I understand, best of luck to you too”.

Until one day, 2 weeks after I told him I wasn’t interested in dating him anymore, he went on a rampage on my Instagram account. He made comments accusing me of sleeping with the men I followed. He then tagged a couple of my best friends (all women) and started bad mouthing me under their posts. He then went onto the men I followed and started tagging me under their posts; again bad mouthing me and then exposing my street name (not my full address but just the street I lived in and city). To say I was mortified was an understatement lol. My friends all messaged me asking who the heck he was and why was he talking sh*t about me. They were smart enough to just ignore him, delete his comments, and block. I explained to them the story. I was advised to put my account on private and block him, all of this I did the second I saw his insane outbursts on my account.

I ended up putting my account on private for months because of that incident. It was somewhat of an annoying setback for me as I do modeling on the side so it stopped my side hustle for awhile. But besides that I was more concerned over my safety first and foremost. That incident made me realize that no matter how “nice” a man seems I am never giving him my social media accounts. You really never know how far a man will go when they don’t get their way.

I also never posted my full name on any of my social media accounts nor do I post my personal life on there because I was always afraid of stalkers. That incident I had 3 years ago just reminded me of my fear and because of that I will never post my family or friends. Not even the school I go to, where I work, zip NADA. 🙃

I’ve gotten a handful of men become agitated when I refuse to “hand over” my social media’s to them and go on to accuse me of being a catfish. I usually tell them “I won’t repeat myself again, I do not exchange social handles with someone I just met. Good day to you.” And I swiftly block right after lol.

I don’t judge anyone else for exchanging social media’s with the men they date, but I would advise everyone to be CAREFUL when doing that. Especially if you post A LOT of your personal + family life and have your real name on there!

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Post Information
Title Do you give out your social medias or withhold them from the men you date?
Author rukia_kuchiki00
Upvotes 61
Comments 14
Date January 27, 2021 6:22 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/do-you-give-out-your-social-medias-or-withhold.1059695
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/l6b0ak/do_you_give_out_your_social_medias_or_withhold/

[–]cherieblosum 50 points51 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I wouldn't give out my social media to a man unless we were dating. A lot of guys just like to collect social media to give them local chicks to jack off to.

[–]rukia_kuchiki00[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes 🙌🏻 I find it so alarming when they give out their social media’s instantly. Like right off the bat they’re like “Here’s my Instagram/Twitter/Snapchat/etc. follow me I’ll follow you back too!” . On the one hand it’s great because that why you can find out if they’re a scrote or not by seeing their social media activity (unless they hide it really well or have a finsta) . On the other hand it’s very alarming that they don’t seem to take into account their safety when giving out their socials to people they JUST MET.

[–]honumaluhia13 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

I support you in not handing out your social media accounts, but you should definitely try to find out their handles so you can vet them online.

Are they following Instagram bikini models?

Are the vast majority of the people they follow women?

Does he post pictures with drugs in the background?

Does he have racist or sexist tweets even from 4 years ago?

Social media is yet another way to eliminate men from your dating pool. It's another layer of protection— to protect you— so make sure you use it! One part of FDS guidelines is to vet potential dates by their online presence!

[–]rukia_kuchiki00[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Haha yes I’ve done this before! Men give out their social media’s so easily! When I ask them “Doesn’t it make you uncomfortable to give out your socials to everyone? You never know what kind of person they can be.” They’re literally like “Nah I’m not worried at all” and I’m just like 🙄 .

When they give out their social media’s to me I do use the opportunity to lurk through their accounts and it either goes 2 ways: 1.) They hardly post on there -like their last post is from a year ago- and mainly follow family and friends. 2.) They’re extremely active on social media’s -to the point where they’re posting EVERY DAY- and follow a TON of nude/bikini models/camgirls/porn stars/etc.

The guy I mentioned in this post was the latter (following over 1,000 accounts and almost all of them being camgirls/pornstars/nude models/etc.) and ultimately that was what made me become completely disinterested in him. And also because I searched through his Twitter account and found a lot of sexist remarks he made. 👀 Social media can be your friend and very insightful when it comes to finding out who’s a scrote and who’s not lol! That I agree with :)

[–]sewingmachinesavior 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I tell men I don’t give out my socials unless I’m engaged. My primary social has my kids pics. Not even sorry.

I recently got Instagram so that I could maybe share a social media. But I kinda hate it. So not sure if I’m keeping it.

[–]rukia_kuchiki00[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Instagram can be fun depending on who you follow! :) I mainly go on there now to follow a lot of women empowerment type of accounts though

[–]even_thriller 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I definitely don't give mine out at all. I agree with you and I have gotten pushback and men do get agitated when I haven't handed mine over either. Its better to be safer than also giving them easier access to you as well.

[–]rukia_kuchiki00[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes 🙌🏻 Better safe than sorry

[–]saint-jezebel 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Men: Do you have [social media]?

Me: No. Im not on anything. You?

Men: [insert handle here]

Me: Oh... Ill ask my cousin if she can help me

No is still a complete sentence that avoids the harassment.

[–]IwillMasticateYou 5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I've heard of other women being afraid to give out their phone number - why? What kind of information can they get from it? I just figured if it ever went badly I would block them and that would be enough.

[–]rukia_kuchiki00[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you give out your personal phone number then it can be easily tracked , unless you’re using an app like google voice (or any other second phone number app) , and there is a lot of websites where your phone number is available to view as well as your full name, address, etc. It’s usually from people search engines , where you type in a phone number and it will show you the persons name and address. I have done that before and requested these websites to take my information down and they have. You just have to send a request to them via email or on their website. But that is usually why a lot of people are wary to give out their real personal phone numbers.

[–]sewingmachinesavior 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My real phone number gets my full name and address if entered into google, due to being in a state directory. This applies to any one with any kind of state license from daycare to doctor.

[–]sewingmachinesavior 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My real phone number gets my full name and address if entered into google.

[–]sewingmachinesavior 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My real phone number gets my full name and address if entered into google, due to being in a state directory.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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