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Downstairs neighbor having extremely loud sex

October 29, 2021

I live in a small building and the walls and wood floors are pretty thin. There's a single woman below me who has been seeing (who I believe is) a scrote. Scraggly, homeless looking guy who drives a dusty Smart Car... and we don't live in a city lol.

Anyway, for the past week or so, they've been having extremely loud, primal sex. I can hear it in my living room as well as my bedroom. It's always between 7PM and 2 AM. Hours long sessions. At first it was funny, then it became very annoying quickly, especially when I was in bed trying to sleep and could hear everything they were doing.

The other night, I banged my vacuum cleaner on the floor loudly to let them know I could hear it and to (presumably, if they were normal, decent people) to stop. They were quieter but it was still hard to sleep. The next morning, I could tell she wasn't happy about it because she glared at me when I went to out my car and saw them outside saying bye.

He didn't come back yesterday but tonight they're doing it again. And I banged on the floor again. They stopped for a little while and I heard him scream "Sorry!" and went right back to it.

I'm not sure how to escalate it further and tactfully because honestly, it sounds like they need a hotel room or go to this man's place if they're going to be that loud. I still have to work and sleep. My options are:

  1. Tell HOA
  2. Call 911

I'm leaving out passive aggressive sticky notes for obvious reasons-- probably not going to work and I think most people don't respect that. What other suggestions do you have to nip this in the bud?

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Post Information
Title Downstairs neighbor having extremely loud sex
Author dancedancedance83
Upvotes 49
Comments 21
Date October 29, 2021 4:47 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/downstairs-neighbor-having-extremely-loud-sex.1081212
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/qi4yfu/downstairs_neighbor_having_extremely_loud_sex/

[–]thenotoriousaep 48 points49 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Invest in an impressive stereo system and then play one of those YouTube channels that's list 6 hours of construction sounds... hammering and drilling etc... make sure you have a subwoofer. Put it on, go out for the evening.

[–]dancedancedance83[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I did pick up a Sonos speaker Friday night, and got to check that off my wish list. Set it up on the floor. Watched Rocky Horror Picture Show on 100 on the TV. Then tested out the Sonos on full blast til 3am. Excellent subwoofer, the sound quality is amazing. Did the same when I got up the next morning.

Haven’t heard any screaming from them since.

I modified my plan a little bit: do your thing but as long as I don’t hear yall screaming, the 3 of us won’t hear “MMM Bop” or Bon Jovi on full blast 😂

[–]thenotoriousaep 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well done my friend :) another suggestion: just a baby crying for like 6 hours

[–]thenotoriousaep 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Also, just for interest, go look up "The Evolution of Trust"... Good explanation of game theory and what strategy works best in this situation 😂

[–]bananasplitchocodip 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

White noise machine maybe?

[–]dancedancedance7 52 points53 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Oof this situation is usually impossible to resolve. If you live in a nice neighborhood (read: the police occupy themselves by handing out jaywalking tickets to teenagers) - you can call the police on them after 10pm. If not... You're SOL. Do you have any other neighbors who are bothered by it so you can gang up on these bozos?

[–]dancedancedance83[S] 31 points32 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I looked up my city's ordinance-- quiet hours are from 10pm to 7am and I can call 311. 311 doesn't do anything. I don't know if anyone else can hear it as it's a fourplex type of building, and I'm directly above her.

Might be good to ask my next door neighbor if he can hear it. He's a "run to the HOA hall monitor" type so if he does he's eager to make complaints.

It's just like... look, I already told you once. Now I had to again. And now I'm really pissed off. It's not hard to be reasonable or go somewhere else.

Edit: I'm above her, not below

[–]dancedancedance7 31 points32 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yeah try to recruit the other guy. Honestly you're pretty screwed, people who are loud and inconsiderate are a bane on our society and no one takes it seriously... Here's hoping she dumps him and uses a vibrator instead amirite 🤣

[–]dancedancedance83[S] 7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Lol true. Maybe instead since people don’t care/I can’t do much, I can take it as an opportunity to be as loud as I want then. I was SO pissed, sleep deprived and mortified.

As I mentioned in another comment, I accommodate my neighbor who has mental health issues and has the ambulance come out several times a year. She has her outbursts. But the difference is she can’t help them, but ok, I’ll just treat the other one like she can’t help it either. Fine.

Since they are loud and don’t care, why can’t I be? I actually LOVE to clean at night but I don’t because it’s rude to do it at 11pm, so I wouldn’t. Welp, I’ll be doing that now. Guess I’ll take out my old instrument and start playing that at 12 am. Could use the practice. Perhaps I can take the opportunity to blast my music on full blast at 6am to get my ass up instead of sleeping through my alarm because I am so tired. Do high impact workouts in my bedroom. Drop shit everywhere. Move furniture. Randomly scream. Obnoxiously laugh at shit not funny. Keep my TV on ALLL night on 100.

Whatever! Any other suggestions I’ll take it!

[–]dancedancedance7 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Lol uhhh so I know that feel. Honestly all that will just wind you up more... Hate to say it but only way to fix that shit is to move somewhere that (idc if I get downvoted) prices most people out. I used to live in some shit neighborhoods when I was younger and constantly had problems. Now? Not so much.

[–]dancedancedance83[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Actually, I live in a really nice, older area of my city. It was not gentrified either as it was always predominately white and upper middle class. Older and more established people/families live in my area. Nice schools and low crime. For reference, homes here start in the mid-upper 700s. I can afford to rent in the area bc it’s a one bedroom and the owners are great but forget about buying the condo outright or a different one in the area. I think it’s down to my downstairs neighbor + her bf are just dicks.

I do agree with your point though, there’s not much I can do to force their hand and there is the option to leave. But some of the things I can do in the meantime benefit me (like getting up early and actually playing music helps me get out of bed to start my day or drowning out the noise). And yeah, if they give no fucks, I’m not going to either (within reason).

I’ll see about it maybe when my lease is up how I feel about staying another year.

[–]Whateverbabe2FDS Specialist 11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It kind of is?? I mean its gross that she's with a lvm but she's not your friend or family. It's not your business. And the assumption that's its not a big deal to go somewhere else to have sex is flabbergasting. It's really presumptuous of you to suggest that your neighbor can't have sex in her own house. The solution is that they need to be quieter.

[–]dancedancedance83[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I said it's not hard to be reasonable or go somewhere else. I didn't say they couldn't have sex nor did I presume anything.

[–]Phoenix__Rising2018FDS Moderator 14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You're so much nicer than me. I would have already called the cops eight times on them to make a noise complaint. Fuck them. You don't get to have loud sex when you share a wall with someone else's living space. Who cares of she glares at you.

[–]dancedancedance83[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I get that. My neighborhood is a little unique because, for example, there is clearly a disabled/mentally ill woman that I share a wall with that sometimes has outbursts during the day and calls 911 on herself a few times a year for false alarms/panic attacks, but I know she has hired help and is also elderly so I've learned to drown it out.

It's not about the fact the girl is getting it in, it is that it is extremely loud and obnoxious and choosing to do it when they both know, twice, that it is so loud that I can hear it. Have some pride about yourself to tone it down or yes, there's the option to go to somewhere else to scream your hearts desire if that's your thing. But there isn't a middle ground here and that's why I'm pissed. IDGAF about the dude and it's hilarious she is screaming bloody murder over THAT, like protecc ya man if you must but like... shut the actual fuck up.

[–]cupittycakesFDS Specialist 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Just call HOA and make a noise complaint. You don't even have to specify it's sex noises, just that your neighbors are very loud, screaming, yelling, moaning, after hours

You may have to make numerous complaints before they issue a warning to the neighbors but they should eventually inform them to quiet down

[–]dancedancedance83[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I emailed them and specified that after I wrote this post. Haven’t heard back from them but going forward this is going to be my plan:

I’m not going to be courteous about my noise level anymore. And if they want to complain to me about my noise and the HOA contacts me, I’ll just refer to the complaint that I lodged already. They won’t stop being obnoxiously loud, I have every right to drown it out so I can peacefully roam around my home that I pay rent for every month. Girlie doesn’t want to speak to me face to face and that’s fine too.

Calling the police I’ll put as last resort because I am a WOC in a predominately white area, and I have to think about that angle.

It’s the huge boundary violation that I’m pissed about. Like, do your thing with Smart Car Bae (TM), but it’s the fact that you know that I know how loud you are and you’re willfully doing nothing to keep the noise down that is really irritating. So okay. I won’t be cognizant of me dropping shit or if I want to blast music at 5/6 am or in the middle of the night while you’re sleeping. Or if I get a burst of energy to deep clean and vacuum in the middle of the night, I’ll just do all that while YOU sleep since y’all don’t care. I will not be careful anymore. Whatever!

[–]_cnz_ 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’d call the non emergency number and say that it sounded like someone was being hurt or there’s a really loud disturbance downstairs. I get really anal about neighborhood noise. I pay a lot of money to live where I do and I’m not having someone ruin it for me

[–]tasteefreezee 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

You should try to talk to her when you see her in passing. If that doesn’t work contact the hoa

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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