I (24 y.o.) feel really stressed out about this and I'm seeking some advice, insight, or support.
I formerly identified as childfree, but right now I'm technically on the fence about having a kid. The lack of certainty on my position came on kind of abruptly, and it was accompanied by thoughts of how it might be different and more enjoyable to be a parent who is well off vs. a parent who is forced to constantly struggle and self-sacrifice due to insufficient funds. Who knows though - I may revert to being childfree within the week.
The thing is, one thing that hasn't (and won't) change about my stance is that I don't want to give birth, myself - meaning that if I have a child, it will be through adoption. My preference would be to adopt an infant.
On the whole, I think my situation can be summed up like this: my main aversion to parenthood is a fear of nonstop self-sacrifice. I like kids and kind of like the idea of having my own. If there are viable workarounds to my biggest concerns, the picture changes. Some of these workarounds would be: adoption rather than giving birth, being able to pay for childcare when I need time for self-care, being financially abundant enough that I don't have to worry and stress about money, having just 1 child to make things a bit simpler and easier, raising the kid on a very healthy diet so they don't get addicted to junk food and lose interest in healthy food, and sticking to my minimalist values even while raising a child. I'd also ideally like a HV partner because I think that when you factor out HV vs. LV, it's easier to raise a kid as a couple than as a single parent.
I'm stressed out because it's my perception that very few men would be interested in raising/investing in a kid that isn't biologically related to them - particularly coupled with the fact that they wouldn't be having any bio related kids since I won't be getting pregnant. At the end of the day, whether I remain CF or decide to adopt, I'll still be pretty unconventional in my preferences. I really want a partner, and I'm stressed because I think it's either going to be impossible or VERY difficult to find a HVM who is enthusiastic about my vision and is ok with not having bio kids with me.
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