~ archived since 2018 ~

Guy friend turned creepy. I told him it’s making me uncomfortable but he said it’s my fault.

kittycakes22
July 30, 2021
116 upvotes
/r/askFDS

I told him I’m not attracted to him in that way. He’s overweight, 7 years older than me and has a very dirty apartment. We became friends because he was helping me out with music recording for my band.

He was incredibly nice and understanding. He knew about my celibacy and that I’m not dating anyone, and he was very polite and respectful. Until he wasn’t. He would make creepy comments like “I wouldn’t mind a girl like you giving me a lap dance” “you have nice feet”. As well as a bunch of creepy staring, and talking about how id “like to be slapped”. I saw him with his friends while bar hopping and he grabbed me in a non friend kind of way.

After explaining this he thinks I “led him on because people usually don’t respond when someone says something that makes you uncomfortable.”

And this is why women feel uncomfortable opening up. What a scrote. Was I in the wrong here? I could have said something sooner but I’ve had enough situations like this. Thanks.

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Post Information
Title Guy friend turned creepy. I told him it’s making me uncomfortable but he said it’s my fault.
Author kittycakes22
Upvotes 116
Comments 7
Date July 30, 2021 8:21 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/guy-friend-turned-creepy-i-told-him-its-making-me.795744
https://theredarchive.com/post/795744
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/out4ec/guy_friend_turned_creepy_i_told_him_its_making_me/
Top posts by kittycakes22

Why is this so accurate? Have men always been like this?

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Her man of 6 years faked a proposal. I’d leave in a heartbeat.

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This PostSecret shook me, I think most women can relate to this.

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It should be that simple. I’ve had a guy literally do all of these things, then proceed to say he doesn’t want us to be “official”.

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Comments

[–]mashibeans 100 points101 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

The time to drop this LVM like a hot potato is long due, my sister.

[–]miloba_ 64 points65 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This.

This is not a “friend”. He was hoping to get close to you and was playing the part to do so. Luckily he showed his cards (they always do!).

There is nothing you need to apologize for. Cut this man off, for your sake. Not only is he creepy, he’s specifically made remarks about abuse and sexualizing you.

[–]kittycakes22[S] 23 points24 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think because I was basically paying him to record us I felt uncomfortable saying anything. I’m glad I did now cause I’m over it! So creepy.

[–]miloba_ 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So glad you did!

In the future, there is next to nothing that should stop you from speaking up if you’re uncomfortable. Obviously please put your safety first, so if it happens when you’re alone and you don’t feel safe, prioritize getting out of the situation over everything else. But if you’re otherwise in a public setting and can leave immediately after calling him out, definitely do. Especially in an instance like this! You were PAYING him. You have even more power in this situation to call his behavior out.

[–]bleda_princezna 45 points46 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh hell no. You were not in the wrong. That guy sounds nasty! Hearing that stuff would make me uncomfortable as well, he sounds like a nightmare.

He's probably the typical "nice guy", treating you nice just because he thinks you'll put out and when it backfires, he'll turn nasty - showing you what he's really like as a person.

[–]kittycakes22[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I explained how that slapping comment sounds like he watches too much porn and he said I’m kink shaming. Rather than just apologizing and saying that he’ll stop he’s getting defensive and turning it all around on me. So yeah cutting his ass off.

[–]Sea_SoilFDS Specialist 42 points43 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

He's not your friend and he never was.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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