I don’t want to break up with him, I just want him to be the person I need him to be. I really want it to be him, but he doesn’t treat me right. He never plans dates, never gets me flowers, he never even calls me babe or baby. He never thinks about the future like I do. He makes jokes like “wait, you have a boyfriend?” Or “wait, we’re in a relationship?” every time i bring up our relationship and it makes me feel so rejected. I cry every day because I want to be loved and adored by him. I want him to be thinking of me like I think of him.

These past few days have been so hard. I can’t stop thinking about how he just doesn’t give me what I feel like I deserve. It feels like he just doesn’t care about me or doesn’t even like me. It seems like it would be so simple to just end things and try to move on to someone who will give me what I deserve but I just can’t let him go. It’s like I don’t have the confidence or courage to stand up for myself and say “you’re not treating me right, I’m leaving.”

The straw that broke the camels back was that yesterday I picked him up from the airport and I told him I was going to get dolled up for him and his response was “you don’t have to do that, I don’t really care.” I ended up not even doing it because i was so hurt and when I picked him up he came over later and spent the night. When he left in the morning I sent him a sweet message (something he literally has never done) saying how I had a nice time with him and asking if he would like to get dinner with me on Saturday. He has not responded yet and when I was scrolling through Instagram just now I saw he is active. He is actively ignoring my text. My sweet text to him and my invitation to see him later this week. I have not stopped sobbing because like, what did I even do to him? Why does he feel like he needs to ignore my message when I was nothing but sweet and sincere with him?

Why would you leave your girlfriend that you supposedly care for hanging like that? And more importantly why didn’t HE suggest seeing me later and plan a date in the first place. I cannot stress this enough but in the 9 months we’ve been together he’s only taken me out to two places and actually picked the place and planned the date. Everything else has been “I don’t care, whatever you want.” So I do it, like an idiot, because I care about him and I want to see him.

I want someone who wants to see me though. Who thinks about where they’re going to take me and if I’m going to like it. Someone who adores and cherishes me for who I am. Someone I don’t have to pull all the weight in the relationship for. Someone who gives me what I am willing to give to them, which is the world. Unfortunately, he has proven time after time he is not that person. So why it is so hard to just let go? How do I even go about this? What do I even say?