My ex (I thought he was HVM but probably a LVM in hindsight) told me I was too quantitative because apparently I think doing xyz thing will get me to a result. I don't even really know what he means by that. It sounds somewhat ableist to OCD people. Anyway, I guess loosely related context is that I come from a lower class family so I don't have the luxury to go with the flow about my career. I plan unlike him because he's rich enough to ask daddy for help and not feel pressure of not surviving. I pretty much planned all our dates and aside from giving me some flowers and several gifts (I think he spent >=$50 with a card with just 2 or 3 sentences and a drawing) in a plain brown bag, he did not plan events for my birthday. They were pretty good gifts, but this is pretty basic isn't it? I did say thank you, but was it really unacceptable of me to hint that I wanted something different/more like an act of service/bigger gesture? How could I have done so in a better way?

And he said it felt like I was always testing him. Like I hinted/said that I expect my birthday to be a big celebration with many gifts and I want to feel special. I don't get what he means by "testing" either? I don't know how to pinpoint why people think testing is bad. Can someone translate this? Is it something like he feels he can never relax or be enough for me? In which case, I wonder why can't he step up. I think he has said so that he worried he can never be the guy I like (I did, I just expected more but would've been fine without it), saying I deserved better and brought down his self-esteem. Do I make relationships feel unnatural with vetting?

It sounds like he's annoyed that I vet and for clearly communicating my expectations for how I want to be treated in a relationship. I'm too uptight for wanting clear structure and planning? I know to not settle less, but I'm confused what he means by "testing too much" and being "too quantitative." I feel like it makes sense, like I wouldn't like feeling tested either, but I can't pinpoint it.