How do I allow myself to be properly loved or pursued by potential suitors?

My dating history has been... not great. I’ve noticed my pattern was to heavily pursue or attract men who do not respect me or value me even though I invest so much in them and allowed myself to be used for sex in hopes they’d love me.

In the background though, there have been a few decent guys who have heavily pursued me and were able to without issue give me what I’d beg or wish for in the men I went after— going on dates, taking it slow physically, being there for me, respecting my boundaries, accepting me etc. very enthusiastically. I felt like I didn’t have to “try” with them, and it felt weird that they’d check on me as a person and cared about what I wanted or how I felt on things. If they tried to make a move on me, like a kiss or hold my hand after a few dates, I’d shut down and feel very uncomfortable, leading me to break up with them shortly after. There wasn’t anything wrong in the attraction department either. This was the exact opposite behavior of what I’d do with the men that I’d pursue— things would go really fast and I felt I had to keep giving to get an ounce of their “love” and attention.

It makes me uncomfortable that logically, I don’t have to manage or control a person to love me, as bad as that sounds (I learned about that from reading “Women Who Love Too Much”)

Looking back, I see the error in doing that but in the present, I’m not sure how to open myself up for healthy love and affection. As a woman, how do you let yourself be pursued or loved?

I haven’t dated since December 2019 when I broke up with my LVX of 2.5 years. I’m not saying I’m ready to date now, but I’d like to be better at being turned on or drawn to men who pursue me without feeling uncomfortable or unworthy. I still feel deep down that I am attracted to dysfunction. It’s really uncomfortable seeing a man really excited about me and willing to put effort in, which I know is just bare minimum.

Have you been through the same? What are some ways to improve? Any books/podcasts/recommendations/tips are appreciated.