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How do you make it clear from the start that you only want friendship?

June 22, 2021

I met a guy recently through mutual friends. We met at a small party and got along well. I'm not interested in him for various reasons (one is that he is younger than me), but I would like to be friends with him. Everyone speaks highly of him, and he seems like a pretty good guy. He has a lot of female friends but doesn't seem like the player type, and I know he's been a good friend to our mutual female friends. Anyway, he reached out to show me around as I'm pretty new to this city and I agreed. I don't know that he's interested in me - he may just genuinely be trying to make a new friend. That said, how do I subtly (not directly as he has not directly expressed interest) make it clear that I'm only interested in friendship? I'm generally not friends with straight men and haven't made a straight male friend since college so I'm kind of lost.

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Post Information
Title How do you make it clear from the start that you only want friendship?
Author fogplum
Upvotes 56
Comments 9
Date June 22, 2021 3:37 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]Human_Summer_1709 30 points31 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't think you need to do anything unless and until he makes a move or expresses interest.

Right now, he's behaving in a way becoming of a well-bred gentleman. A high value women will recognize that for what it is, and welcome gentlemanly behavior. As soon as he expresses romantic interest or hits on you, you can either just be honest with him and tell him you value him just as a friend and are not looking for a relationship, or you can laugh off his come-ons.

[–]Twohagsover30 82 points83 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You don't.

Being platonic friends with men is like walking blindfolded through a minefield.

The risks outweigh the benefits.

Go find his female friends and build platonic relationships with them!

[–]flowerpower102938 58 points59 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Looks like I need to post this comment I made every other week.....

Here you go-

Comment I made on another post-


Which one applies to you?

He wants to fuck you✔️

He wants to fuck your friends✔️

He uses you as his FREE therapist✔️

Please note: This can be a combination of all 3 as well😉🤗

*Friends: A guy you talk to often. He shares things, you share things. Communication is as frequent as 2+ times a month.

[–]spiderunderweb 25 points26 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Please don’t, I had male friends for years thinking we were just friends. A lot of them just want to use you or fuck you and your friends. Save yourself the trouble

[–]so_crat_ic 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

All you have to do is not show him extra attention. Treat him like a brother or relative.

[–]warinmymind94 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's a very RARE case you can just be platonic friends with a male. The few exceptions are if he is related to you, if he is gay, or maybe he is a family friend or neighbor that ends up coming to your parents events or something like that. You can have coworker "friends" or classmate friends you are amicable or professional with to create a more pleasant classroom or work environment, but generally not too many people are actually close friends with their male coworkers. You can socialize as groups, but usually guys show up at a group thing to pickup chick's and hope to meet women.

You need to come to terms that most guys are looking to shoot their shot with you, use you as a wing woman to get to their crush /use use to triangulate, or want free labor/therapy from you.

You can tell him "I am not interested in ever dating or hooking up with you" blatantly as that, but it doesn't matter. This will get overlooked and he may even take it as a challenge.

My male "friend" pretended to be friends with me for THREE years, and almost instantly when I became single we started hanging out one on one. He knew I didn't ever want to date or hookup with him. I even helped set him up with his crush.... and he tried to RAPE me.

Be careful.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]myeggsarebig 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You can say all you want to him about not being romantically interested, but as long as you’re giving him attention, he’s going to believe he has a shot. This is the case 99.99% of the time.

Why would you want to subtly tell him? That seems passive aggressively like leaving the door open to a possibility. Again, bc men are going to hold on to that, “well, she wasn’t explicit”

What do you get out of this relationship that you can’t get from a female? It’s masculine sexual attention, platonic or not. That’s what you get. Is that what you want?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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