How to break up with someone when you still love them

sewingmachinesavior · 2021-01-13T07:38:16+00:00

I have done it. And it is devastatingly hard. But a poor match is not worth it.

Love is not enough. We are brainwashed to believe it is, that if we just love them enough, it will all be okay. And it’s utter bullshit.

It takes great strength and self-awareness to leave someone you love but whom you know is not healthy for you.

Be brave.

sstena · 2021-01-13T12:15:35+00:00

when I met my bf I thought this is it, I did it, I found the one.

This right here is a big problem.

You'll be willing to excuse poor behavior and disrespect if you've labeled a man "the one". Don't do it. Men are on probation until the day you die because they're great at lying and manipulating. You know why they're so good at it? Because they lie to themselves too.

He doesn't love you, you provide emotional security to him and he doesn't want to lose that. So value what you offer and stop giving it to people who don't.

Ancient-Cucumber · 2021-01-13T13:56:00+00:00

Love is not enough. Love is nothing without consistency, effort, respect, etc.

2021-01-13T11:29:14+00:00

Sis, I think you need a break from dating. I think you both love each other but its just that the present you and the present him are not compatible.

Both of you will change, but he doesn't have to be there while you both grow.

I highly suggest to focus on your personal growth, be totally deaf on men and just do what you think is truly right. I also see that you are on the right track, because you did the right thing. Keep safe :)

Car0llle · 2021-01-13T15:38:19+00:00

This sounds very familiar. 4 days ago I have moved out and left a man I thought "was it" for me. This is after nearly 3 years together. I just couldn't handle how LV he was anymore. I realise I have stayed longer than I should have for my own mental health, but I felt commited to the idea of him being the one too much to leave, so I wasted more time and was even planning our wedding. The thing is no matter how much you want it to workout, it takes two compatible people to make it work , not to mention good communication and comprehension. We said and did too many wrong things for it to be salvageable and then we continued to try and glue ourselves together by force, but there was too much resentment and disappointment already, and some things you just can't forget or fix. Sometimes it would seem like better times were coming, but this would never last long.

I made a hard decision to leave. Let me tell you, it won't be easy. I am the dumper but it hurts just the same. I just wish things would have been different, I wish he was a little bit different and that I would have been better. I really love him and always will, but it doesn't matter because we were not happy with each other. Can you imagine wasting your life like this - looking for a fulfilling relationship with someone who can't give it to you?

In the end you need to think what is best for you and if you are struggling to get what you need in a relationship from him, you need to stop beating a dead horse. Try to imagine how different your life would be without him and how much energy you could save if you didn't worry about an unsuccessful relationship all the time.

If you don't leave, you will later regret not doing it sooner. Life is precious, treasure yourself. I wish you luck!

scrotesgonnascrote · 2021-01-13T14:36:58+00:00

Love is not enough and “no” is a complete sentence. When he says he wants to talk things out, “No.” If he asks to stay a few nights to get things in order, “No.” He has X number of days to get he stuff out or it will be brought to be donated. Not sitting on the curb where he can just come pick it up after you’ve done the labor. Not in trash bags where he can attempt to do the same. Donated. Have the locks changed. Have a friend with you when he picks up his stuff. If you don’t want him rummaging, then at most move his stuff to one room. Just double check local laws on the rights he has to the home as well, make sure you go about booting him properly.

Acbc0077 · 2021-01-13T13:06:20+00:00

Hi, leaving will hurt but sometimes it is better to leave at a better point than the worst. It will take time but you will detach and move on from him. I hole you find the strength to do what your heart wishes and to move on enough youre never distracted about it.💌

redbirdflies · 2021-01-14T00:03:32+00:00

In that time between meeting your boyfriend and breaking up, while you were working on yourself, you made the mistake of discontinuing doing the work you needed to heal and chose to get into a relationship with someone else as a balm to your hurt feelings

Now you’re in a situation where you aren’t ready to let go because of sunk cost fallacy. This is the belief that you’re throwing away all of the time and effort you have put into your relationship. The reality is that if you stay you will only lose more and things will get worse, not better. So don’t waste any more time on trying to fix something that is toxic and dragging you down

What you need to do is leave him and do the work it takes to heal and rise above the tendency to ever get into a relationship with a man that isn’t good for you ever again

You need to get out and spend a long time alone to process whatever trauma brought you down this path to begin with.

Title	How to break up with someone when you still love them
Author	serilda2020
Upvotes	62
Comments	10
Date	January 13, 2021 6:24 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/kwari2/how_to_break_up_with_someone_when_you_still_love/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/how-to-break-up-with-someone-when-you-still-love.1059788 https://theredarchive.com/post/1059788