I (20F) met my boyfriend (23M) a year ago and I am just starting to realise that this relationship doesn't contribute much to my life. More than anything, I just don't think he is very interested in me or cares about my life. I feel like a booty call to him more than a girlfriend despite being together for a year. Our relationship is shallow af and the only time we ever have 'deep' conversations is when he is drunk. I just want something deeper, want to feel more connected and understood and I really don't think this is asking for too much. I have tried talking to him about it but he barely even acknowledges it and keeps assuring me that he loves me even though his actions don't seem to say that.

I moved to my current city shortly before I met him for university and because of the pandemic I haven't made many friends as most things have been done online. Even apart from the pandemic, I have found it very difficult to make friends because I have always been introverted and found it difficult to connect to people. It's especially difficult here because of the language barrier, the culture isn't very open and people tend to remain in their tight-knit social groups they've had since they were in school. Most of the people I hang out with have been my boyfriends friend so breaking up will mean that I will lose all my social contacts pretty much.

Since I am only going to be living here for 2 more years until I graduate (I am 100% decided on leaving once I'm done with university), I also don't want to start seeing anyone here as I will end up leaving anyway.

The thought of being alone, without any close friends, without a support network, in a foreign country in the middle of a health crisis feels scary af to me. Even if he doesn't treat me as I want him to, it's nice just having someone to hang out with and I really did love him and still don't want to hurt him.

How do I navigate this breakup and stop myself from going insane? This is the only relationship I've been in and the emotional turmoil even within the relationship has left me so miserable. I spend way too much time thinking about him, obsessing over our relationship, and neeeeed to stop. How do I care less, how do I become more independent, how do I have more self respect ???

Thank you for reading and your time <3