Hey all, I've been lurking on fds on different accounts for a while now, and I seriously credit the sub and all you wonderful ladies (and much needed therapy) for giving me the slap in the face I needed.
I left a long term relationshit with a nvm in late spring of 2019, and I'm happy to say that my life has only improved since, even with the pandemic. Almost immediately my financial situation improved, (though I'm still working on paying off his debt) and it became obvious that almost everything going wrong with my life was because I attached myself to a loser. This wasn't before he got me pregnant (a child HE wanted) and did his best to destroy my life. I could go on forever about how he refused to work for the last year of our "relationship", played video games and made a mess all day, would scream and throw things at me in front of our kid, told me I was a bad mom because I had to work two full-time jobs to support us and couldn't spend as much time with said kid (woke me up at 6am on mother's day because he thought I'd want to spend more time with her, got me nothing), told me I was insane and that nobody would want me, etc.
Before him I was in an even more abusive relationship, and I haven't dated anyone who didn't make my life hell. Which brings me to now. I've been reading all the excellent advice here about vetting men for a while, but i honestly cannot see myself getting into another relationship. I do not trust my judgment at all, and now that I have a daughter there is NO WAY IN HELL I would trust a man around her. I do not want a stepfather for my kid, I do not want to do anything that could place her in danger, and we all know how men will lie for years until you put your guard down.
HERE'S WHERE YOU WON'T LIKE ME Unfortunately I am still attracted to men for some reason, and lately with the pandemic the loneliness is getting harder. I usually have my kid to hang out with, but I work late on weekends and she stays with family, and that's when it's at it's worse. Against my better judgement I started hooking up with a guy I know. Not because I can't make myself orgasm, but because I just want a chest to lie on on weekends when I've had a few depression fueled drinks. Even though I said I don't want a relationship, he's doing the shitty thing men do to try and make you fall in love with them and it's really fucking annoying (like saying he's going to take me skating when we both know full well he won't)
I know what everyone's going to say about that, but I'm wondering if others have struggled with this and what you've done to help. I think once everything's open and I can go out dancing with friends or whatever it won't be such an issue (I was perfectly fine being celibate last winter), but I don't know when that'll be. thanks for reading this far