How to stand up to men?

flowerpower102938 · 2021-05-03T12:14:37+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. My best advice is to maintain assertiveness. Make sure your posture is excellent. Don't be afraid to take up space. I used to be so conscious of men starring, then one day a woman told me to straight up look directly at them. Intimidate them. Look with disgust. Most often this will make them stop. Next thing to do is make a scene. "Excuse me sir, why are you starring at me?" You can also say "Stop starring at me!" Loud and firm. Make notes if the same guy does it again. Keep track of these men. Also make sure you tell your family that this is happening and keep your heads up to date with your experience. This has worked for me. I hope it works for you.

bananasplitchocodip · 2021-05-03T11:27:22+00:00

Same. I have learned to tolerate it unfortunately. Sometimes I will just give a look. The other day a guy stared at me so intense he scared me. His light went green, he did not drive away.. and then put down his window. I was shaking. But I am too nervous to be confrontational. I might start recording honestly. Seems to make them uncomfortable.. wish I had better advice. It sucks.

sweet_birthday_babyy · 2021-05-03T14:12:08+00:00

My instinct is that a lot of men do this because they feel entitled to it and they are banking on your shyness/meekness/idealized feminine traits not to hold them accountable for it. I think it would be amazing if you did hold them accountable! If you managed to solidly embarrass them then afterwards they might not be so flagrant towards other women.

If I were in your shoes, I might say something as simple as “you are making me feel uncomfortable.” Assertively. Not in a meek, please leave me alone way. But an almost confrontational way. Like you are calling them out on bad behavior as if they were children.

the_jaywalker · 2021-05-03T16:02:46+00:00

The subject of whoever is staring at becomes the object. To avoid being an object, you stare back. That brings an active component to the interaction that cannot render you an object. Stare. And definitely not with a positive expression on your face. That makes them an "object" too, so to speak. When we look away we give them power.

That's one view. Another option is to set a mental boundary with yourself that you are going to embody your sexuality and appearance without thinking of anyone staring, meaning you have a firm agreement with yourself that if someone is staring there is nothing to take note of. Carry on and be comfortable within yourself, seperate from other people. Live truly from the inside of your body, disregarding the outside. There is a way to de-internalize the male gaze.

cherryspacesong · 2021-05-03T09:00:52+00:00

You don't have to be in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable. You have a right not to be intimidated at work. If a man is being innappropriate hand him off to someone else or the manager.

steeped_tea123 · 2021-05-03T19:39:15+00:00

Stare them dead in the eyes and say "can I help you?". Try mastering a dangerous stare.

Title	How to stand up to men?
Author	cherryspacesong
Upvotes	82
Comments	19
Date	May 3, 2021 8:26 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/n3r5gd/how_to_stand_up_to_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/how-to-stand-up-to-men.792059 https://theredarchive.com/post/792059