~ archived since 2018 ~

I have nothing to ask, I just want someone to listen.

September 19, 2020

Today, the man I thought I would grow old with, the man I committed my life to, chose to binge drink every Friday night instead of spending his life with me.

I told him his behaviour upsets me, as I have every other Saturday for how many weeks, and explained why it is unacceptable and that he makes me cry when he is that drunk - nope, still chose booze.

My heart says "Just ignore it" and my head says "Fuck that. No man who loves you would roll his eyes when you cry!"

I'm going to spend the rest of the day crying and writing every single reason I'm leaving on my wedding dress before I burn it tonight.

Fuckin A1 for choosing a 'HVM'.

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Post Information
Title I have nothing to ask, I just want someone to listen.
Author 2021IsOurYearToShine
Upvotes 83
Comments 6
Date September 19, 2020 3:06 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/i-have-nothing-to-ask-i-just-want-someone-to.1068438
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/ivklau/i_have_nothing_to_ask_i_just_want_someone_to/

[–]moxymoxalone 58 points59 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is a painful, brutal lesson dear, but you are doing the right thing.

Alcoholism is no joke and you will never be an alcoholic’s first love. You will never be able to trust him or rely on him. He will always be more of a burden than a pleasure. He will embarrass you in front of family and friends. You will be judged by others for his behavior. There will never be true clarity in your relationship because the goalposts will always be moving. Nothing will ever be his fault. He will be selfish in many ways, not just about drinking. He will hate you if you try to come between he and his mistress, Alcohol. If you give him an ultimatum, the booze or you, you will lose.

Burn that dress. Free yourself. You are too young to tie yourself to a problem that has no solution, which isn’t even yours.

[–]dzgataFDS Specialist 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I’m sorry to hear that love. Truly. I recognize the amount of strength and willpower it takes to end a relationship with someone you love. You’re gonna feel a lot of pain and you’ll probably cry a lot and that’s okay. It’s human and it’s a testimony to how much of a loving person you are. It’ll take time to heal from this but you will heal. Just make sure you don’t feel weak or lesser than because you have these feelings or experience a great deal of grief. It’s normal. You’re strong for choosing you in the end. You can cry as much as you want, it’s healthy and will help you move on in the long run actually. Sending you warm wishes and hugs.

[–]sewingmachinesavior 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This hurts. It’s so SO hard when you realize people are choosing their addiction, over you.

I used to love men for their potential. I can see you saying you see his potential. But, I also see you standing in your queen energy, and saying, “but I am not okay with what is. His actions don’t align with my values.”

You are right to leave. He has to deal with whatever it is that drives him to drink. You cannot fix it for him. You can only save yourself.

It hurts, absolutely. But you will not regret it. And don’t let anyone guilt you into staying. You DESERVE someone who will treat you with respect.

You are brave and stronger than you think. 💖💖💖

[–]miloba_ 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

My heart breaks to read this. I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. Sadly, addiction is difficult to overcome, and no amount of begging will change his mind. He needs to want to do it for himself.

I have close family members who battle with addiction everyday, and it has been a losing battle for my family. We have tried every tactic. It doesn’t work. Until they make the effort on their side, the addiction will win every time.

Take the time to cry, yell, scream, whatever you need to cope with this. The real man for you would not say he “only makes you cry on Fridays”. Sending you all of my love and strength. You deserve better, Queen 👑

[–]2021IsOurYearToShine-1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

Edit: We made up and are back together...

Real Edit: KIDDING... Real update below...

Full disclosure, I am wine drunk.

I have never told my husband about FDS. He has no idea where I remind myself of my values or where my 'friends' that give me advice are from.

Okay, so he wanted to talk. I still haven't stopped crying all day and even when he came to me to talk I couldn't stop crying.

He told me that since we married, I have been a more grumpy. I acknowledged the truth in that but pointed out I was grumpy because he wasn't the same person I married.

He told me he was "willing" to give up drinking for me. I told him I was "willing" to fuck a cactus and see if that made me cry less. He wasn't the high value man I married.

"High value?"

"Yeah, high value. You pretend to be all high value and you want a high value wife, but expect me to be a Pickmeisha along the way to stroke your ego."

He didn't know what I was talking about so I told him to learn for the next wife because I would hunt her down to make sure she stuck to her standards.

He cried, I cried and now I'm at a hotel.

I can't even go to the pub because my state is in lock down, but my 'bubble buddy' is on her way.

[–]miloba_ 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You should be proud of sticking up for yourself ❤️ It hurts like hell now, but just imagine all the incredible things you can do on your Fridays from now on!

Also, I have to admit I laughed when you said your cactus bit. I’m storing that one for future use if need be.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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