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I kind of get annoyed when I see my friends spending tons of money on their boyfriends who never do the same

March 13, 2021
166 upvotes

I’m in my 20s and so a lot of my friends are in relationships.

One of my friends, buys several gifts for anniversary/birthday/Christmas/“well done for finishing your essay” but I rarely hear anything about the gifts he gets for her. I know he drew her a card and once bought her a Victoria secret body spray (my friend hates artificial smells and only likes her beauty products to be vegan and cruelty free but I guess the thought counts?)

Another friend has gone through hell and back to sort her visa so she can visit her boyfriend (he never visits her, she has to come to him) and she buys him so many presents to bring to him but she’s just happy with “his company”.

I’m not against relationships or treating your significant other. I love to make/give gifts to my friends and family. I send valentines gifts to my friends, I make personalised cards on birthdays - I’m not against being kind and generous.

I notice that some of my older friends who have been in longer relationships, don’t do this as much. At least not in an unbalanced way.

I feel like when we are young and feel validated/wanted/beautiful from a guy, it can overwhelm us and want to focus all of our energy into this person without keeping a balance.

I don’t want to spoil someone that doesn’t want to spoil me in return. I’m not going to spend my money, effort and time into someone who is spending none of these things on me.

I think it’s because I was that person.

I bought gifts for a guy that didn’t even bring a card to my birthday dinner.

So i just have to silently watch as my friends tell me “picked up those specialty coffee beans that David loves! 💖💖 and I also bought him some new hair products and a handmade pillowcase that I embroidered myself. He’s such a cutie, he deserves it”

And what do they get in return?

The delusion that this guy is the best they can do.

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Post Information
Title I kind of get annoyed when I see my friends spending tons of money on their boyfriends who never do the same
Author thanarealnobody
Upvotes 166
Comments 5
Date March 13, 2021 5:19 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/i-kind-of-get-annoyed-when-i-see-my-friends.792384
https://theredarchive.com/post/792384
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/m4apde/i_kind_of_get_annoyed_when_i_see_my_friends/
Comments

[–]dollymyfolly 96 points97 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I feel like whenever I see a woman “spoiling” her bf it’s a red flag, because women tend to do for others what they’d like to have done to them. If she’s doing it excessively, it’s almost like she’s trying extra hard to get him off his ass to return the favor.

[–]thanarealnobody[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is a really interesting insight. I used to do so many things for this guy, little gifts, thoughtful surprises and I think deep down I thought it would make him realise that I’m special and therefore love me more and be thoughtful in return. It didn’t work. Because the person who truly loves you, won’t need any reminders or prompts to love and adore you.

[–]FluffandRaincloudsFDS Moderator 42 points43 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My past self feels called out. "If I work extra hard, he'll love and respect me!" 🤡

[–]souredskittlesFDS Specialist 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I had the same thought.

[–]souredskittlesFDS Specialist 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sounds like your friends need an fds rescue mission

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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