(Edit below w/ update)

Hello fellow redditors. I’m feeling like I’m kind of in a pickle here and feel the need to reach out for outside perspective. I bought a house a little over a year ago, on my own. At the time of purchasing the house my SO and I had been together a little over a year. He didn’t seem to want to partake much in house searching with me even though we knew eventually, he’d be living there too. I was living with a family member for a few months while going through the whole process and I suggested I just move in with him to continue saving money and looking for a home that would suit us both, to which.. he didn’t seem like he was ready for. Okay, that was fine. So I proceeded to do my own thing. This was my very first home, it’s not perfect but it’s special. I’m in the middle of a custody battle with my ex husband, one that’s dragged out for nearly 5 years and things are finally coming to an end hopefully by late spring. Since buying the house my job has went from being 20 minutes away to 50 minutes away as is his. Moving makes sense, even more so if I wind up with full custody of my child like it is looking but this would mean we would need to sell by summer because I wouldn’t want to take my child from one school, to the one in our district, just to up and move him again come next fall. We have a few renovations we need to do but he solely wants to do it in a manner to make it sell. So little to no taste of my own will be able to go into these things. When I bought this house I had full intentions on being there for at least 5-7 years. I wanted to fix it up and make it my own (with him included as well eventually.) We’ve been together for nearly 3 years now, we are not married and I really don’t know that there are plans to be engaged anytime soon. I honestly just don’t know what the right move is. Selling my one thing that holds a decent amount of value that’s solely in my name, to buy a house with someone whom I’m not married too, scares me in more ways than one. I also don’t want to jump the gun on selling a house in general. I can’t seem to get a solid time line, that’s another thing thats bothering me. With no true timeline of “we need to have all this done by said date and have the house on the market no later than this date” then there is no way of knowing when he’ll decide to pop the question (to which we’ve talked about and he says he plans on doing it soon... he’s been saying this for awhile now) but I don’t want to be engaged and planning a wedding, while also trying to renovate things in our current home and trying to house hunt for another to move into. That’s incredibly stressful and expensive. Especially while juggling a school aged child and working full time nearly an hour from home. Do you guys have any suggestions on how we should go about this? Should we wait to do this until after we are married? Should we try to fix what needs fixed and put the house on the market by summer so my son doesn’t have to switch schools more than once? This entire situation has me in a tizzy and I need advice.

Tl;dr

SO wants to renovate a few things in the house that I own, for us to sell within the next year. Currently in a custody battle on the path to getting my child full time and don’t want him to start another school just to up and be moved again by next fall. We aren’t married. We aren’t engaged. We don’t even share a bank account together at this point. I don’t know if selling my house is a good idea at this point with all the things at play but I also don’t want my child to be moving around a bunch the first couple years he’s finally back with me. I don’t know what the right thing to do is at this point and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Edit: We already live together and have since I bought my house.. I have been divorced for nearly 5 years but the custody has been an ongoing issue.

UPDATE:

First of all I want to thank everyone of you for you point of view and advice. Secondly I want you all to be aware that in no way was he pressuring me to sell my house. It was simply a discussion we had a couple of times and the more and more we talked about it, the more and more I disagreed with wanting to sell but did not let him know that until I sat down and worked it all out in my mind as to why with valid reasoning behind it. We sat down and talked last night. I let him know I was not comfortable selling the house and laid out the reasoning. Reason one: I haven't even owned the house for two years. I've not gained any equity and have only been paying towards the interest. Reason two: Capital gains tax... (he had no idea what this was.) Reason three: This is my first home. My pride and joy from all my hard work put forth after having my life crumble to the ground before me, I'm not ready to sell it and move just yet as the only reason for doing so would simply be due to a longer commute to work for the both of us. Reason four: I'm in the middle of a custody battle and till this is settled I have no room to focus on anything else. Reason five: We are not married. We are not engaged and therefore these type of conversations shouldn't be happening until there is a ring on my finger. Reason six: I need to ensure that myself and my son come first until he makes that leap of commitment with me and even then, I will still want things of my own. (these reasons I did not share with him in any particular order. They just kind of came out as the conversation flowed.)

His response was just as I knew it would be. He was for starters shocked to learn about the capital gains tax and was actually happy I further looked into the pros and cons of selling a house after not having lived in it for a decent amount of time. When I explained to him in a manner that if the situation was completely reversed and he was the one who owned a home that he not only was prideful of but also loved and I came in not even a year and a half after purchasing it and suggested we should sell it just for convenience he'd look at me like I was crazy. He really sat and thought about this in depth and absolutely agreed. He apologized for not seeing my perspective on every moving piece of selling a home that is mine, especially when we are not a married couple. It seemed to help him understand when I made him put my shoes on for a moment. He did agree that waiting until we are married to buy a home together is not a bad option and agreed to do so. He promised me that by discussing everything we have previously that he was in no way trying to push me into something that I did not feel comfortable doing. He made me aware whenever we do take that step that he fully intends on putting half down on the home we decide to buy together (as I stated in several comments, he does have more financial stability such as a large savings and investments.) Therefore leaving me with something to put in my savings and or investment accounts of my own. He is fully aware of what I went through with my ex husband. He understands my fears. He understands I see people in a different light due to realizing you can think you know someone, when in reality you never knew them at all. He has helped me in so many ways even before he and I started dating nearly three years ago. We were best friends for a few years prior to our relationship blooming into a romantic one. He has always been and even after the conversation last night been very understanding of where I am coming from with my perspective. He is by no means a mooch nor do I believe he is trying to screw me over financially in any way. I do believe he is the one for me and my son. He is a fantastic role model and very active with my son to which brings me great joy as his own biological father isn't even that way with him. I also want to add, this man refused to tell me he loved me until he knew he loved my son. He went into this with a very open mind as someone with no prior marriages or children of his own and mind you he had only just turned 23 at the time.

My key take away from this entire situation is communication always. Even when you feel uncomfortable about it, talking it all the way out and expressing your needs, wants and fears will take you further than you realize. Without communication, a relationship is pointless. Without trust, a relationship is pointless. Without respect, a relationship is pointless. Without perspective and compromise, a relationship is pointless. I believe he and I do have those things and last night was a prime example.

Again, thank you all so much for the feed back on this entire situation and giving me the confidence to stand up and speak out about how I am feeling regarding the situation. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders not only because I stood my ground but also because the person I have chose to make my partner, live in my home and invite into my sons life is the right person. I will say though without your feed back I may have just went along with what he wanted, as its something I am custom to doing for everyone but myself. With all that being said, I am not selling the house and after we are finally married, I will then make the decision to sell or rent my property and enter the next chapter of my life.