~ archived since 2018 ~

Is there any point of me trying to date ?

September 28, 2021
61 upvotes

I'm 23 years old and I haven't been in a relationship, but I have dated one guy (which looking back, wasn't particularly good) and I haven't had any luck since then. I live in a city filled with LVM that think it is a womens job to court, go heavy on 50/50 and arent very gentleman like. The dating scene is heavily based on men just messaging women through dating apps or through social media.

I am trying to think why I even want to date, and the conclusion was nothing more than because it is what society pushes towards women. I have more to lose to date than to not date. For example, I don't want to have any kids, I don't care about marriage etc. I have good friendships (emotional comfort), I also have access to a therapist atm (mental support) and also I am doing well financially and I know money isn't or will ever be an issue with me.Then you have the factor in the dating pool for most men, as most men want kids, I only have maybe a pool of 20% of men, or even less. Then it is even smaller, when I consider attractive, high earning men, with great personalities, not misogynist, not porn addicts etc. Not only that, but you have to do with the narcs, the cheaters, abusers that could also potentially happen. Its then.... what am I left with lol? I barely have any options and it is harder to find once I also factor in the bad dating scene.

So what is the point of me trying lol? I don't even try I'm the first place anyway, but I still have that "but I want a relationship" mindset that I have sometimes that I need to get rid off, because I know my "dream man" doesn't exist!

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Post Information
Title Is there any point of me trying to date ?
Author Sweetlikecream
Upvotes 61
Comments 5
Date September 28, 2021 9:36 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/is-there-any-point-of-me-trying-to-date.1073808
https://theredarchive.com/post/1073808
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/px2qj0/is_there_any_point_of_me_trying_to_date/
Comments

[–]ASeaOfQuotesFDS Specialist 37 points38 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Choosing to date is a personal decision. You don’t have to pursue it (like on OLD) to still be open to it should a man you find intriguing cross your path and ask you out. You’re young and now is the perfect time to focus on career goals, education, and building yourself up with good habits while setting up financial success.

Many FDS women have chosen to stop OLD. What does that leave except living your life to the best of your ability and seeing what comes? In my option that’s the best way to live. You get all of your own focus.

[–]OkChocolate7617 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m much like you, so I’m going to answer your question based on my experience. There’s no point in dating on OLD - the time spent talking to LVM is not worth your mental health and overall energy. BUT, don’t treat it as the only way to date. And don’t get pessimistic about dating, if you truly want to find a HV partner. Your attitude needs to be more about focusing on yourself and leveling up so that you naturally find yourself around HV people.

So, spend some time understanding what you want in your partner. I’ve made a list of characteristics I want in a partner. And I stay optimistic about it, and by chance, I’ve found someone I’m currently vetting that seems HV.

Be open to dating people you find attractive, but don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t go beyond a date or two.

[–]ms_monquisFDS Specialist 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It sounds like you're building a good life for yourself, which should always be our focus. Stay on that positive!

I kinda hate to even go there, but The Media have made it seem like finding a man (literally any man) should be Priority #1 for women for decades, so it's easy to see why a lot of people think it's just the thing to do. Here's the thing about that: It's just lazy.

Lazy media centers around lazy "love stories." It's the most low-effort content out there, and it's e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e. Lazy love songs, lazy romantic movies, even the advertisements are all about coupledom because it's easy to portray and lowest-common-denominator. Lazy lazy. So it's no surprise you wonder why you aren't more focused on it — all this external bullshit keeps telling you you should be. But I think you're seeing through it.

I'm happy to see that a lot of young people FULLY grasp that what you see on, say, instagram isn't really what people look or live like. It's all lazy, venal, and frankly boring. Also not accurate to what people want. It's not describing life, it's attempting to PREscribe life.

If you don't feel like your life is missing something by not having a date, then it isn't. To me, it's honestly that simple. I'd be far more worried if you didn't have the smarts to be doing all those great things you're doing to have an excellent life — and then still being surrounded by LV people. The good news is, you don't have to worry about them because you're on another level and you aren't feeling so desperate for A MAYUN that you feel like you need to lower yourself.

[–]heliodrome 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If I didn’t want kids I would absolutely never date. (Consider yourself lucky you don’t want kids). Now that I’ve come to an age where I most likely won’t have kids anyway, I’ve stopped dating, and any encounters I’ve had that resembled a date, weren’t worth it.

[–]Optimal_Grapefruit_5 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

From what you described there is no point - at least for now. Take two years off dating, there's little difference between a 23 and 25 year old. Make the most of these two years focusing on yourself and continuing to build yourself up as it sounds like you're already doing.
You're in a really good place right now, so make the most of it. Don't compromise it for a man that 1) you don't even really want and 2) is likely not going to be all that great.

The "but I want a relationship" mindset is mostly born of societal pressure/expectations and the fact you only dated one guy, so you may be feeling robbed of better occasions.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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