~ archived since 2018 ~

Missing cuddling

February 15, 2021

A year ago I thought it would be terrible to be single and I would feel so alone. I have grown a lot and am feeling stronger and am loving being single. The one thing I miss (not w my ex in particular because he was trash, I'm not yearning for his presence) is the feeling of being cuddled, hugged, held by someone who actually cares about me. I know touch withdrawal is widespread under the current circumstances but I'm not a huggy person w friends or family so that's not something I can use to supplement this feeling. And I have no pets, not comfortable getting a massage during COVID.

Especially when there's an actually meaningful relationship being played out in a show or movie, I feel this ache for tenderness and love- this is mainly an early morning feeling or late at night before I go to sleep. I'm also finding myself crush on celebrities who play sweet characters in shows and that same sort of ache. Any advice for how to deal with this? I feel too distracted by it at times and it's so bittersweet and a little painful.

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Post Information
Title Missing cuddling
Author Nat_at_all
Upvotes 91
Comments 9
Date February 15, 2021 9:18 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/missing-cuddling.792602
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/lknffm/missing_cuddling/

[–]saint-jezebel 46 points47 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I would recommend a full body pillow or a stuffed animal. Those work good. If it’s the heaviness you miss, try a weighted blanket. Hope this helps.

[–]thanarealnobody 36 points37 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just reading this made me feel seen. So thank you for that.

I don’t know what the solution is - I guess the hope and imagining of what could happen in the future.

I also have a long hot water bottle and I love cozying up with it in bed or on the couch.

If the ache in your heart is bad though - watch something funny and silly.

[–]level_up_alwaysFDS Specialist 19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

i literally rub my own arms, massage my neck, hug myself etc. and it helps. i feel like it releases similar brain chemicals. sounds cheesy until you do it and realize it works lol or at least takes the edge off. just did it now as i was typing this and i already feel myself relaxing. as far as the fantasy stuff all the media is designed to keep women in a hypnotic trance thinking about romance. being aware of this alone can really reduce a lot of suffering. also check out skin brushing may help too and it's good for circulation! self care self care self care

[–]luvmyvulvaxoxoFDS Specialist 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

When you miss that feeling have you tried taking a nice bath? Wrapping in a fuzzy blanket?

Do you have friends/family you can hug? I’ve asked gfs if we could cuddle and they’ve always said yes. Even if it’s just a head on their shoulder they’re very understanding.

[–]Cat_With_The_Fur 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I get so many warm cuddles from my cat! Are you in a place in life where you can adopt a pet? I do miss not being anyone’s priority and in that sense I’m lonely, but then I remember I wasn’t my husband’s priority when I was married to him.

[–]Nat_at_all[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm very very allergic to cats and dogs unfortunately!

[–]IwillMasticateYou 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Could not recommend a weighted blanket enough - seriously

[–]Nat_at_all[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hey!! Thanks for the suggestion! Unfortunately, I have one already and use it every night.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Same, and nothing can replace being spooned lovingly by a human being, it stinks to be deprived of it after you've had it

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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