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My male manager hates the fact I don’t kiss his ass. What to do?

February 13, 2022
52 upvotes

Hello queens,

To contextualize I work in healthcare which makes it guaranteed a good drama.

I’m 12 years younger than my manager (he is 40 or something) and work with him for about 3 years. Where I work is full of ass kissers. I’m nice and treat everyone with respect but I don’t go around saying he is right everytime or asking for his help or opinion all the time. He never ever said anything bad about my work. But I known (intuition never fails) he dislikes me and would prefer someone else. He barely talks to me at lunch or any other time likewise. And I have seen him interact with other colleagues. He is fairly nice (or pretends at least).

I don’t know what to do. I won’t change my personality and I’m not an ass kisser. But I wanted a mutual and respectful relationship with him. 3 years later seems impossible now.

Then there is another issue. He has a story of dating fellow colleagues. The last one was younger and the other one was his age. He is discreet but knowing this information makes me colder towards him. I don’t want to be misinterpreted. Yet I know he loves ass kissers (men and women) and he got where he is by being one.

Ladies, what’s your take on this. Don’t tell me to quit because I need the job for the next years. Thank you so much! Xoxo

More info: It is important for us to be on good terms because I’m a resident at a hospital. Still need more 3 years to finish residency. My grade will be (not only) but also massively dependent on his good will. I don’t need him to like me just not to hate me. This grade will define in a way part of my career. I wasn’t explicit above.

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Post Information
Title My male manager hates the fact I don’t kiss his ass. What to do?
Author Sisi21cent
Upvotes 52
Comments 9
Date February 13, 2022 1:44 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/my-male-manager-hates-the-fact-i-dont-kiss-his-ass.1100967
https://theredarchive.com/post/1100967
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/sr6yqb/my_male_manager_hates_the_fact_i_dont_kiss_his/
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Comments

[–]sewingmachinesavior 28 points29 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Honestly, if your working relationship is manageable except for the fact that he’s kinda cold towards you, I’d just keep on doing what you are doing. His demeanor means he knows he can’t mess with you (and he doesn’t like it).

BUT, if his actions are interfering with your success, then that’s a whole different ball game.

[–]Sisi21cent[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

They are. And I know im doing a good job. He is the only one who doesn’t knowledge it. I feel it’s to hurt me and make me quit. It won’t happen but makes me feel like s###.

[–]sewingmachinesavior 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You don’t deserve that. Women have it so much harder in male dominated fields. Remember: The best revenge is SUCCESS. I’ve intentionally avoided corporate work like that, so I do not have practical advice. Hang in there! You’ve got this.

[–]Sisi21cent[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks. I hope I get some piece of mind. Lack of closure is the worst. You make in your mind all sorts os scenarios

[–]StalkerPoetess 10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Why do you need him to like you and why do you care if he does or not? Is he discriminating against you? Making you do more work than you are paid for? If not, then ignore him and do your job.

From your text, it seems you dislike him but want him to like you still which is kinda hypocritical and a waste of your time. You don't need everyone to like you specially those you don't like in the first place. And as long as he's treating you fairly during work hours then it's his business what he does during lunch and who he talks to.

[–]Sisi21cent[S] 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

It is important because I’m a resident at a hospital. Still need more 3 years to finish residency. My grade will be (not only) but also massively dependent on his good will. I don’t need him to like just not to hate me. This grade will define in a way part of my career. I wasn’t explicit above.

[–]StalkerPoetess 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Humm I've been in that situation and honestly I did do some kiss-ass just to get by. Not extreme or being flirty or anything but I've been quite nice in the past to get someone to like me enough to pass me. But it's not really something I'll advise to do cause it feels like shit. So if he doesn't go out of his way to antagonize you then there is a chance that he doesn't really care for you. At worst, try to instigate conversation with him and just be overall friendly without pushing it and try to see how it goes.

[–]Sisi21cent[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I know I’m dumb by not playing the game. But my problem, unfortunately, is only with him. I’m on very good terms with everyone else. He has this despise for me I don’t know where it comes from. He has praised my work in a public presentation. But because the rest of the staff was present and he is very smart to not raise questions between the two of us.

[–]StalkerPoetess 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're not dumb by not playing the game. I understand how you feel.

Also since you said this is just your gut telling you, maybe hee doesn't exactly hate you like you think and mainly just doesn't care for you. I'm not saying you're wrong, just that the possibility is there and to not dwell on it too much. Cause you may end up nervous around him, stressed out and it could end up with your work suffering because of it

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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