I was sent to this page by an very kind individual who commented on my original story in the dating advice subreddit. Long story short...the man (33) I had been seeing for about four months broke up with me (F29) today. I’m feeling extremely low and upset. I know these things take time, but it always helps to hear from the community.
He felt that I didn’t trust him. But in my mind, 4 months is a short time to know someone. Trust ebbs and flows. It comes with time and effort. And I believe that I showed I did trust him in other ways (ie: never blowing up his phone, respecting his privacy and time with friends and family and whatnot, never snooping, and never even actually accusing him of anything). I made a mistake this past weekend that I believed led to this. I’ve just dealt with insecurities due to childhood and adult trauma and I guess he didn’t feel I was compatible with him. And I’m crushed.
It happened Sunday day when I was out of sorts. We spent the day together and towards the evening I asked if he wanted me to head out (we do not live together) or stay. He said he didn’t mind either way and said it was up to me. He said he was going to take a shower and we’ll see when he comes out. This left me feeling a little out of sorts. Crazy I know, but I guess my mindset at the time was...if he really wanted me to stay, he would have said so. Once he came out of the shower he was much more chipper than he was prior. There was almost an antsy quality to him. Then his phone rang. It was his job calling him into work overtime. Typically I don’t mind when he takes over time even if we are hanging out. The money is great and we just spent all day together so why not? ... but then the evil gnome that lives in my ear began over thinking and as I was walking out the door I asked something along the lines of, “did you just have a buddy from work call to say they had over time so that I would leave?” .... Immediately upon spewing this ridiculous statement I knew I shouldn’t have said it. I left and texting him when I got home and when he didn’t answer I asked he if could call me when it got slow. We spoke on the phone but it didn’t seem to matter how much I apologized. He kept saying that it made him feel like shit that I didn’t trust him. We did not really speak since Monday morning and then today, he called me, and told me he didn’t want to see me anymore. I was destroyed. I tried to explain that it wasn’t about him but he had made up his mind.
I’ve read through many of the stories on this page and I am in awe of the strength and power I’ve seen. In a way, I almost feel silly reaching out for what’s going to end up just being a small blip in my life. But I was just wondering if anyone out there in the Reddit world can send words of advice, encouragement, even some tough love. I just want to keep moving forward.
EDIT Hello all. I am overwhelmed by all the useful and caring comments I’ve received. I am on day 2 of the break up and the emotions ebb and flow. I have been throwing myself into job applications, I will begin therapy today for other issues along with processing this break up, spend time with friends, and have been trying to rest when possible. I know I am doing the right things but I’m still having trouble sleeping and I can barely eat. Any further words? I really enjoyed hearing from everyone.
[–]moxymoxalone 128 points129 points130 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Taciturn_Tumbler[S] 35 points36 points37 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]Pepsiluv123 41 points42 points43 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]dzgataFDS Specialist 66 points67 points68 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Taciturn_Tumbler[S] 37 points38 points39 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Buckley92 26 points27 points28 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]igotchugirl1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
He would not have been so bothered by the comment if you hadn’t struck a chord with him. Trust your intuition, girl. You sensed that something was up, and you probably sensed right. You have the divine feminine instinct of knowing when something isn’t right, and don’t ever mistake that for “paranoia” or “trust issues” or “insecurities.”
Oh and also—no one breaks up over such a small thing unless they were already considering leaving. It sounds like he didn’t want you to stay which is a major red flag, and he was waiting for any excuse to end things with you. He should be ashamed of trying to turn things on you when he was the shitty one.
[–]Taciturn_Tumbler[S] 3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]igotchugirl1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Of course! Let yourself heal and take time❤️ we will be here to support you until you can do it on your own
[–]Taciturn_Tumbler[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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