I was with someone for 5 years in my 20s. I’m 30 now and it ended a year ago. Before him I hadn’t experienced anything remotely close to love so with him, I did experience love. And it was great and so very wonderful for the first three years, albeit with a few red flags at the beginning (he would text female friends a lot and even though I was frustrated by it he assured me of his love in a thousand different ways). Anyway, obviously that was a missed BIG red flag but I was 24 and in love and following what I thought I was supposed to do in society. We bought a house after 3 years despite never living together and only seeing each other on weekends. Well the next two years owning the house went on a fast downward spiral, another female friend he knew from high school entered the picture and the friend group and them became close. As I dealt with my moms breast cancer privately, I noticed him pulling further and further away and emotionally falling onto this female friend. The worst part is that she was becoming my friend too, and assured me of her trust. No matter how many times I told him how uncomfortable I felt, he looked me in the eyes each time and told me he loved me no matter what. I obviously now recognize this as gaslighting. Anyway fast forward and we ended the relationship and decided to sell the house. He concluded that he could not love me in the way I needed and I agreed. Half a decade of my 20s thrown away but whatever right? Anyway over the last year since that happened I’ve been trying to focus on healing but I feel like my progress is slow. I’ve been dating, but it’s either emotionally unavailable guys or guys that I don’t feel really meet what I want/need. On this Sunday. I got news from our mutual friend group (keep in mind this friend group of about 10 people was deeply uncomfortable in the last two years of our relationship because of how he acted with this female friend and were trying to look out for me) and they told me he was officially dating her. I called him to confirm from the source, we do have a level of respect for each other after being together for five years so I knew he’d give me the truth. He confirmed. He also cried, and reiterated the reasons why we had to end which I think was just appeasing his own guilt. I told him how absolutely fucked up it was that he looked me in the eyes and promised me at least a thousand times there was nothing there with this woman for over a year. He said he truly never thought anything would happen with her. But does chemistry just pop out of thin air? The way he texted her when we were together made me soo uncomfortable but he never stopped even when I was clearly in pain. I now know what not to accept. Ever again. And I feel very peaceful and validated knowing my gut was right this whole time, I was never crazy, I was NEVER insecure, I was never wrong. But holy shit, the realization that the person you loved lied to you for years has got me laying in bed gutted. What the fuck. How am I supposed to trust again? I think I accepted all this behaviour because we had a house together, and a “commitment was a commitment”. Never again obvs. Im also just baffled that she’d want to be with someone who did what he did to me, for her. Like does she think she’s that special? Once a cheater always a cheater even if it’s emotional cheating. Sad that she acted like my friend for awhile. I texted her too and all she could say was a meager “sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Anyway. Good news is the entire friend group has shunned them because they watched all of my pain and humiliation and do not accept his actions because they all care about me deeply. I’m not looking for anyone to label him a high value male or not, because I know he’s not. He WAS a high value male, he had all the incredible qualities I ever looked for, until this…. which automatically makes him a low value person. I guess I’m just hoping for support because holy shit I feel gutted. Most of my 20s. Gone down the drain. I do feel closure now though. I feel like I can actually date properly now. I deserve to be valued and seen. I have so much love to give. I deserve so much more than what that was. Ladies. Your intuition. Is never. Ever. Fucking wrong. Ever.