Not directly related to FDS but would love to hear some input. How do I deal with a female friend that's quite obviously crushing on my boyfriend?

donttextme_k · 2021-03-08T01:11:08+00:00

Your boyfriend is also at the wrong here, you shouldn’t need tell him in the first place because he should have let you know about her advances. The appropriate response is for him to stay away from her at those party, reject selfie requests, and ignore her dms. Also this is a normal reaction from you, I would feel super uncomfortable if one of my female friends always try to strike a conversation with my husband. Its one thing to ask a simple question but to always initiate conversations is another.It’s not being jealous, it’s more of why do you feel the need to talk to him constantly, when he’s obviously taken. I think you should tell him how it is, an appropriate response from him would just to block her...and not call you jealous and overreacting

LittleWinn · 2021-03-08T12:36:51+00:00

You don’t. Period. This is not something YOU need to handle, it’s something your boyfriend does. If he does it well, great, he’s HV. If he doesn’t, strings her along, or blows off your concerns he is LV and you block and delete. This could look something like this:

You: I’m uncomfortable with the level of interest Marie has shown in you, and the amount of contact she has.

Silence.

Him: I’m sorry it’s made you feel that way, I’ll sort it out. THEN HE DOES.

Anything less and you’re dating a man with poor boundaries or who likes attention from other women. Neither of which is something you want. Remember, other women are not the enemy.

lotekjeromuco · 2021-03-08T13:42:38+00:00

I had this before. What I did was cuting off my friend. Well, my ex would definitely go for her if we had continued going out all together. Twelve years forward I'm sory I didn't let things evolve between them and cut both of them off.

If I were you I would first tell in calm manner what bothers me and if he continues to talk to her cut him of (or you could just stay silent and let things evolve). And she is most certainly NOT your friend. She's intentionally grooming him and investing lots of effort to get under his skin.

If he talks with her for HOURS I think she's already on a half of road.

Buckley92 · 2021-03-08T05:47:51+00:00

Is there a spam folder that he can send her messages to so he won't see the messages yet it won't tell her he didn't actually get the messages? Facebook has that function.

Is there an older, very honest woman you know who wouldn't mind sitting down with her and telling her the truth about how she's making herself look? 'I know you might love that young man, but at least for now, my dear, he's occupied. The other young girls in your group aren't running after married men or men with girlfriends instead of going out and having fun are they? No? Well, let me tell you how that makes you look. It makes you look very cheap... and very desperate. No amount of flirting, looking pretty or complimenting him will make him want to leave her for you. So, let it go. And if it happens in time, it happens. If you meet someone else, you meet someone else. But don't live your life on a what if, you're wasting your time and other people are laughing at you.' She needs an older woman to say this to her.

43rdaccount · 2021-03-08T19:38:45+00:00

hey i was in a similar situation but i was the flirty friend. i agree with everyone that how your boyfriend takes this on will make clear what to do. in my situation, over a couple years, we did very inappropriate and disrespectful things short of hooking up, and the guy wouldnt stop any escalation until i started to get it together and stopped drinking so much

i also agree with everyone that talking to the friend isnt your job, and isnt the root of the problem. in my case, the gf reached out to me after the guy moved away, she wanted to talk as part of her 'journey of healing'. we talked for a couple hours on the phone where basically she shared how he gaslight her that nothing is happening, blaming her for being jealous etc. i was very open to the discussion because i had already taken the step to better myself and was already full of regret, already ending my pickme days of being drunk and seeking male attention. i apologized to her and i appreciated her genuine concern for me and my safety (when i would be too flirty with men). it was a nice moment of solidarity

Title	Not directly related to FDS but would love to hear some input. How do I deal with a female friend that's quite obviously crushing on my boyfriend?
Author	LordDunderhead
Upvotes	52
Comments	9
Date	March 8, 2021 12:05 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/m035ux/not_directly_related_to_fds_but_would_love_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/not-directly-related-to-fds-but-would-love-to-hear.792442 https://theredarchive.com/post/792442