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Now that FDS is a way of life, how do you live your life not in constant disappointment of society?

July 21, 2021
131 upvotes

After a lot of work and learning (still learning on things here too), I now cannot unsee the LVM, PickMes, narcissists and codependent behavior in society. It’s everywhere. This is exhausting and at times, disgusting because there is a big push to accept that and to compromise on your boundaries.

I’m quite content with being alone and taking my time with others, but it does bother me sometimes that there are women, young and old, who have unwavering PickMe mindsets and men who are pretty mediocre and useless that will still get ahead or try to blame you for their stuff (which is great practice for me because now I enjoy being mean aka stand up for myself to them). But I try not to be as harsh on the women because some truly don’t know/understand but some are pretty firm and aren’t kind and/or look down on you about it. This, coupled with the societal pressure just keeps me in a place of disappointment. It seems like a lot of people don’t question what’s accepted in society or don’t want better for themselves. Or perhaps they truly are content with that and want that for themselves. Sometimes, that’s hard to watch.

My question is, how do you find a sense of peace and goodness while also balancing the discernment that a lot of LV behavior is accepted and encouraged?

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Post Information
Title Now that FDS is a way of life, how do you live your life not in constant disappointment of society?
Author dancedancedance83
Upvotes 131
Comments 8
Date July 21, 2021 11:04 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/now-that-fds-is-a-way-of-life-how-do-you-live-your.794105
https://theredarchive.com/post/794105
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/op1av3/now_that_fds_is_a_way_of_life_how_do_you_live/
Comments

[–]VorpalSingularity 27 points28 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This may sound a bit woo-woo, but I've come to terms with the fact that my past pain and experiences happened to me for a reason so I may help others become their best selves. In the FDS context, I've introduced the community to friends that were in abusive relationships and pickme mode, using my past experiences to empathize and gently guide them to first loving and valuing themselves. 90-95% of the women I've talked to have left their terrible situations and started working on themselves, and I'm so goddamn proud of them. Some have attacked me, but you can't save them all.

I've also loosely introduced the concepts to men (without naming the community, because, we all know how fragile the male ego is). I'm fiery and strong-willed and intelligent enough to not back down from their challenges, but I also use my gentle and caring feminine nature to softly suggest that maybe, just maybe, they benefit from women's physical, emotional, sexual, and spiritual labor. It's surprising how many men have taken a step back to think about what I've told them. I've had less success with talking to men, maybe 50%, but it's better than the 0% it was before.

I'm in a good place now, and so it's my duty to do the little bit I can to help change and heal the collective and be there for women who find themselves downtrodden by LVM. Please don't lose hope. Some of us are working for change.

[–]ASeaOfQuotesFDS Specialist 75 points76 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I ascribe to the sentiment, “Look for the helpers.”

I am consuming media that generally aligns with my own views, and I keep an open mind when viewing new content. I focus on things like FDS, and the women and community we create here. I follow the careers of (and vote for) politicians like Michelle Obama and AOC and Bernie Sanders who put forward ideas of human empathy and societal change. I learn from and consume resources from scholars and educators like Gail Dines and Lundy Bancroft. I subscribe to content creators who are wholesome, or who teach me, or who share experiences like mine, or give me perspectives on lives full of vulnerabilities I don’t face so I can continue to grow (Special Books for Special Kids, Squirmy and Grubs, Vlogbrothers, Kitten Lady, Beatrice Caruso, Simply Nailogical, Ask A Mortician)

I choose to live a life of kindness, without compromising my boundaries in unhealthy ways. I try to exemplify the qualities I hope to see in others, and raise in children in my life like my niece, and my friends kids.

There is good and bad in every society, every government, and every individual person. My goal is always to bring closer the best of what I have available to me and learn from the bad experiences.

[–]flowerpower102938 19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I was literally thinking about this yesterday. I'm so angry, so so angry. I can't even imagine the women who have to life in a society where they are raped, murder, abused, disrespected and ridiculed everyday. I am furious. Literally furious.

How I handle this disappointment? I always help women. Even pickmes. For example, some family members of mine are real big pickmes, they are stah mom's. I always go out of my way to help them get work done because their partners and sons don't help them. They will justify why they don't "expect" their partner to help, but honestly they're exhausted and tired, sometimes they just need a break. I try to help them. When talking to slight pick me friends, I ask questions. I find that when I ask questions, their answers give themselves more clarity.

I am lucky enough to be privileged in terms of having a job. It's very important to make your own money. That gives you freedom. So even if you're being constantly let down, you always have a backdoor to move, find something else or ways to improve your life.

[–]NotSoSmartChick 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m too busy meeting new people to get caught up in the weeds. If someone's a pick me, that’s fine because I’ll be having lunch with a group of ladies the next day, and I’m sure there’ll be a gem in that bunch.

I am very active in a local women's group, actively attending lunches and dinners with women though meetup, and I go out to dance at least once a week with a different meetup group. Plus I am traveling, both with my son and alone, and soon I'm traveling abroad with a group of women, and I’m meeting another group this week to discuss forming yet another travel group.

[–]berrylikeova 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Following.

[–]Sisi21cent 24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

People tell me I’m paranoid and too cynical. I just can’t grasp the new reality right in front of my eyes!

[–]heliodrome 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Recently I lost a few ponds, but not more than 10 I don’t believe, mostly from running, but it must have toned my body, because I visited home, and every woman friend and relative complimented me on my body. When they asked what I did I told them exactly and turned them unto running, explained which shoes to buy and where, etc. So just spreading the FDS values and I’m proud of all my ladies leveling up always. They are the best.

[–]heliodrome 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I spend all my free time with my girlfriends and sometimes we are joined the few of their tolerable husbands 😂 Also - moving back home to Europe soon 😳

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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