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Question about code of conduct as a student

June 2, 2021

I thought I would ask this in FDS as it unfortunately has to do with men. So i attended a workshop the other day and the tutor was helping me out answering some questions. After class I asked some general questions about the second semester and it sparked a conversation. We talked as I packed up and alway the way to another building where I was meeting a friend. He told me about a initiative course run by the government he works at and offered me a place there (sponsored by the gov and fed ex).

He asked for my social media but i said I have no media and gave him my email instead (I don’t give my social media out). He forwarded me a link to a group chat (discord) for the course and said to message him if I have any questions.

I keep to myself in this course and I know what guys around my age think about all day so I am really careful in class. I keep my voice really monotone, ask my questions and get out. I have friends so I would only keep in contact for networking . This is my plan to safely get my education.

He gave me a strange feeling whilst talking to me. Is it normal to have conversations with your tutors/ professors after class?

My gut tells me to accept the group chat because of the networking opportunities, qualification and resume building. I just posted a little ago about jobs during university and it was a theme to do interning and volunteering and this seems like a good idea. My safety plan is to do it under a androgynous user account, pfp and user name.

Am I over thinking this ? Or have I got a good plan and should check it out

Edit: I said masculine before, but androgynous is a better term

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Post Information
Title Question about code of conduct as a student
Author spiderunderweb
Upvotes 31
Comments 7
Date June 2, 2021 8:20 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/question-about-code-of-conduct-as-a-student.791837
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/nqgug2/question_about_code_of_conduct_as_a_student/

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Your instinct is your warning sign.

If I were you I'll keep the communication via emails with this tutor/prof. So everything is recorded.

There's no need for social media for him to ask you except linkedin.

Finding a job, probably best with your name , or a shortened form of your name+/surname.

For discord sure you can have username that is androgynous.

Using male user/name for job searching/ networking seems bordering on unprofessional. It will raise unnecessary questions.

[–]spiderunderweb[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s right, my email is my real one along with linked in. Most of my social media accounts are just fun usernames. Androgynous is a good word, a lot better than what I used. Good idea on the emails, he said I can contact him via the app but that just feels unprofessional to me. I am glad I am not the only one.

I guess I don’t want to be taken advantage of or put in a uncomfortable position . I’ve heard too many horror stories , I’m just here to learn and get my degree

Thank you for your reply

[–]waywardheartredeemed 12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

'run by the government...' '... Discord server.'


It might just be a socialization effort.

If you don't already socialize on discord it might not behove you. I hate it and it's a huge distraction for me to try and figure out. But if you're already on there and want to see what's up yeah, many make an androgenous or male sounding profile as was suggested. All internet warnings apply to discord. It's not less toxic or risky than anywhere else. It is a platform originally made for gamers.

But you should not have to join a discord to join a government thing? If he is sincere he can email you that information and who to get in touch with about that. If that falls flat I'd call it a flag.

[–]spiderunderweb[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You make a really good point… I didn’t even think of that. Like why would I need to join this discord chat for it, maybe I’ll send him an email. Exactly with your other point, discord is mostly for socialising, my uni has a few group chats but I left discord for similar reasons. Students shouldn’t really be socialising with tutors in dm chats (at least while in a tutor/student position), hence why I passed on my email instead of Facebook which he insisted… you make a good point. I should have a think about this and if anything email asking for more information formally.

Goodness I feel very naive, but I am glad to have posted Thank you for the insight

[–]pathalienation 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Wait, if there’s a discord where everyone in the group is talking specifically about their work, why did he ask for your social media first, and only give you the discord after you said no?

[–]spiderunderweb[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I asked if the was a website. He said he has a link to send me and then proceeded to ask for my social media..

[–]spiderunderweb[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Posting a little update: The experience was too strange for me, and I am not in a position to take up any extra activities atm. So I won’t join. Everyone here made great points which helped me make this decision. I planned out some tech boot camps over the break that I’ll be doing instead. Even if it was something, I had a strange feeling about it.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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