Ok, I need to vent. Something's just not making sense.
FDS-approved YouTuberslike SheRaSeven and Asha Christina, as well as other similar YouTubers such as Universe Trip and Universe Guru are really NOT making sense to me. Let me explain.
Sure, they advocate for roster dating. They say things like "You're single until you're married." They caution against building with a man. They condemn pickme-ism. They *seem* to believe that women deserve pleasure and satisfaction and encourage women not to settle with a man who isn't a provider. When prompted with the question, "What do you bring to the table?" they say "Nothing."
They throw around these words like "provider" and "protector."
I'm sorry, but I'm just feeling incredibly disillusioned with these creators. I don't fit in with them. Their content is not made for women like me. One thing all these creators have in common: they take it as a given that the woman bears children for the man. They're well aware of the risk of death, the physical toll pregnancy and childbearing take on the body.... but for *some* reason, while every other desire under the sun that a woman can have is respected and valid, the desire to avoid childbearing is simply off the table as something that can be fulfilled. And none of them directly address this inconsistency. Perhaps it really is the case that a woman who doesn't want to bear kids can't reasonably expect to be provided for in a relationship with a man... but why don't these women just SAY SO?! That would change everything. I'd stop watching their content, point-blank, because it's obviously not applicable to me since I don't want to ever bear children.
I'm angry and frustrated. I tried commenting on one of these women's (recent, I might add) videos asking about whether women can be provided for if they're childfree or otherwise never bear children. While other comments were "hearted" and replied to, mine was simply ignored. I feel excluded and pushed out. The least they could do is kindly let me know their content isn't for childfree women or women who aren't open to bearing children.
All this talk about finding your feminine essence. Getting in touch with your inner Goddess. I think what they're doing is subtly unethical. They're making it seem like their content is for all women who identify with femininity - all the while, their content is really just for women willing to bear children for a man.
I feel frustrated because I *am* a woman. I'd like to be provided for. I'd like a male partner who's more masculine-of-center. But unfortunately, there's no content for me on YouTube, Instagram, you name it - because I'm not going to make any babies. It's fine to make content for women who want to make babies. The problem is that these women don't outright say their content is only applicable to such women. They conflate womanhood with bearing children. I'm SO sick of it. I honestly don't even believe these creators are true feminists or advocates for women; I believe ectogenesis (gestation outside the womb) needs to be an option in a truly feminist society, and these women simply act like you just need to SUCK IT UP and gestate/birth babies even while they acknowledge its complications and drawbacks.
The irony is this: they preach until they're blue in the face about how your man should want to please you, want to satisfy you, want to protect you. But when it comes to childbearing, their position is seemingly a shrug of the shoulders and a "Suck it up." It doesn't matter if you don't want to do it. Apparently, bearing children is a requisite condition of being cherished, protected, and provided for. Apparently, a man's "protection" and "providing" doesn't extend to protecting you from the ravages of childbirth and providing you with some sort of more pleasurable/satisfying alternative. That's what's so ironic. They talk so much about how men should step up to the plate as providers and protectors, but where procreation is concerned, none of it applies anymore - apparently it's your womanly duty and you just have to accept the dissatisfaction with the state of procreation in a pre-ectogenesis society.
It's driving me crazy that I want to embody my femininity and all that jazz, that I want a provider/protector partner, and that I want to adopt and raise a kid - but I don't want to give birth, and I guess that means I'll never attain my vision. If you saw my last two posts you'll see I've been grappling with this for a while. I'm almost at my wit's end, and I hope that if I put the subject to rest some sort of clarity will come. I posted about my dilemma on another sub, and the majority of the responses were "No can do; if you want to be provided for by a man who has the means to do such a thing, you're gonna have to give birth to his kids." Fine, whatever. Maybe that's true. But this is driving me crazy because I feel trapped. People keep coming at me with an answer that is essentially: You will never be satisfied because your vision is impossible. Your desire will never be fulfilled.
[–]PinkBlair99 48 points49 points50 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]questionasker012[S] 15 points16 points17 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]FitncurlyFDS Specialist 27 points28 points29 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]questionasker012[S] 11 points12 points13 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]FitncurlyFDS Specialist 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]questionasker012[S] 10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]FitncurlyFDS Specialist 12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ASeaOfQuotesFDS Specialist 23 points24 points25 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]questionasker012[S] 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ASeaOfQuotesFDS Specialist 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FitncurlyFDS Specialist 15 points16 points17 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]questionasker012[S] 1 point2 points3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Hhjjuuy 5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]questionasker012[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]yoursultana 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]questionasker012[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FitncurlyFDS Specialist 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]questionasker012[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]saint-jezebel 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]level_up_alwaysFDS Specialist 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dancedancedance835 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
I have not gotten that impression from those YouTubers. One thing to note though is that not every YouTuber will 100% align with how you feel/what you want to do, but it’s important that they ethically/morally do. So while I understand being child free is important to you, you don’t have to have babies because they said so nor bash them because they feel it’s important for them. Many women want to have kids and many don’t and that’s their right. Lots of YouTubers also don’t get to every single comment; it’s impossible if you have a large following but it doesn’t mean people/they disagree or shun you.
But definitely pick creators that speak to you.
Can I interest you in r/childfree?
[–]questionasker012[S] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]dancedancedance83 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link