~ archived since 2018 ~

Road block in my level up journey

February 20, 2021

Hello. I am a 20f black junior in college. I returned back to my dorm two weeks ago. Over my two month break I discovered FDS. Before discovering FDS, I was kind of obsessing over the fact that I am 20 and have never had a boyfriend, or lost my virginity, or even so much as had a guy look my way. Through FDS I am learning to start focusing on myself and bettering/ healing myself so I can become the version of myself that I actually want to. It was so much easier for me to do this over break since I had no school work and no friends to talk to (I'm terrible at making friends but I want to make better life lasting friends). Moving back to school made that a bit harder for me cause I had to adjust things.

I've mostly been focused on my physical appearance through clothes, makeup and working out but I want to change my personality. I feel like now I am very loud, energetic, and just not feminine at all. I've been obsessing over this a bit throughout the past couple days cause now that I'm back on campus and hanging out with my suitemates and their friends and seeing that almost everyone is couples up and fucking every night it makes me feel left out. Why doesn't anyone life me? No one has ever liked me in my life and I'm 20! I was really hoping that at least someone would've liked me. I've tried tinder last semester and was too shy to meet up with anyone, then I got banned from tinder. I don't like other OLD app as much so I've kind of stopped.

I guess I really just want more tips on becoming more feminine without just sitting there and nodding at everything that everyone says. And I also wanna be less obnoxious so I can may attract more guys.

Thanks for reading.

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Post Information
Title Road block in my level up journey
Author ceedee21
Upvotes 5
Comments 4
Date February 20, 2021 2:37 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/road-block-in-my-level-up-journey.792565
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/lo8dqd/road_block_in_my_level_up_journey/

[–]sstenaFDS Specialist 11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Be very careful about changing yourself to "attract" men. You might get more attention but of what quality and at what price?

Do you have female friends?

[–]ceedee21[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes but Im not good at keeping in touch with people. My companions right now are my suitemates but I dont like to put labels on relationships too early. Also I just really hate seeing everyone else getting hit on and I literally have no one even looking in my direction in the least bit. I know I shouldn’t look for validation in others and “validate myself” but its just really hard.

[–]sstenaFDS Specialist 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh it is hard. Very. I am not implying that you should validate yourself. "Should" is kind of tyrannical here.

What I am saying is that we are the way we are, and trying to put a mask on might work for a while. But you know people will be liking that mask, not you, and you then develop a fear of the mask falling off and people realizing the real you and disliking it.

That's why I say be careful, because the price you pay is high in terms of internal suffering.

If you struggle socially it might be worth giving Asperger's syndrome or "high functioning autism" a look. You may or may not be on the spectrum, but in case you were, you may find answers. (Autistic people often look just normal and they study and work just fine, but struggle a lot socially because they are "weird").

There are tests online you can check (they're based on white males so don't expect accuracy), they're not diagnostic tools but could help shed some light if you're interested.

I am autistic myself, nobody IRL would believe me if I told them, while everybody can see I am weird and have no real friendships. And for me there is no easy option: I already changed myself but the change never really seeped in, it was all superficial and threatening to spring back to weirdness at any time.

So I have settled for the comfort of not having to force myself and also not getting validation. It sucks less than the other option. Because changing, for me, is not an option.

I hope this helps to explain what I meant. Sending you some virtual hugs.

[–]ceedee21[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’ve thought about being on the spectrum but kinda dismissed the thought cause I feel like I couldn’t handle finding out that I am possibly autistic. I have an appointment with my therapist tmrw though so I’ll ask her and see what she thinks and hopefully she can point me in the right direction.

Thanks for your help.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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