I currently don't have any kids, but more and more I've been leaning toward the idea of adopting one when I'm ready. This is because each additional day I spend living on this earth, I become more and more disillusioned with men and more and more doubtful that I'll ever meet one who is relationship material (though that's not to suggest I'd ever let them touch me either).

I say this sadly because I honestly don't want to be a single parent. If I raise a kid I really want it to be jointly with a HVM. But I'm afraid I'll end up subconsciously settling and rushing things if I make finding a HVM a pre-condition to adopting a child. To console myself, I've contemplated that perhaps if I do end up finding a HVM after I adopt, I can proceed to maybe adopt another infant with him.

But idk... I don't feel thrilled about any of my options - those options being 1) settle and adopt a kid with a likely LVM, 2) stay single and don't have any kids, and 3) adopt a kid on my own as a single adoptive parent (I don't ever want to be pregnant, for the record).

I made a post earlier about how I've been mourning the reality of my heterosexuality and the virtual impossibility having any satisfying romantic/sexual experiences with a man. Now, as I've lately started leaning toward wanting to raise a kid, I also seem to be grieving the fact that I'll never raise a kid with the HV partner I want to raise one with.

I get the enthusiasm FDS has about women raising kid(s) on there own and keeping LVM safely at a distance. I get that that's an improvement upon actually raising a kid with a LVM. However, this isn't a moment of triumph for me; it's a moment of frustration and sadness. Of course, I'm grateful that I will have the ability to pursue adoption (although married couples are favored by expectant parents), but I'm still frustrated that if I have a kid it will be as a single parent.

According to the USDA,

Middle-income, married-couple parents of a child born in 2015 may expect to spend $233,610 ($284,570 if projected inflation costs are factored in*) for food, shelter, and other necessities to raise a child through age 17. This does not include the cost of a college education.

Where does the money go? For a middle-income family, housing accounts for the largest share at 29% of total child-rearing costs.  Food is second at 18%, and child care/education (for those with the expense) is third at 16%. Expenses vary depending on the age of the child.

Maybe housing wouldn't be such an issue if I lived with 1-2 female room mates and only had one kid to house/make space for. Perhaps if I worked from home, telecommuted some days, and/or had willing relatives watch the kid, I could save significantly on childcare. And I could set up a college fund in advance and perhaps have them go to a community college the first two years.

Nevertheless, raising a kid is a huge expense, and one that's much easier with two incomes. I don't want to be working so much to make ends meet and live comfortably that I'm not able to spend the amount of quality time with a kid that I'd like to. I really like the philosophy of attachment parenting, and ideally I'd like to be with the kid - having meaningful interactions with them - a lot of the time.

I suppose I could consider adopting with a friend. Maybe another woman, with the understanding that since I'm attracted to men, we'd just be platonic friends and co-parents. I'd prefer raising a kid with a HVM and romantic/emotional/sexual/intellectual life partner, but raising a kid with a HV woman I'm in a platonic relationship with would be better than being a single parent.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.