Tl;dr at the end

I've been best friends with a friend from college for 6 years. She's white and I'm Black, but she's been a true ride or die and always there for me, even when my other friends and relatives weren't. We've spoken every single day for probably the last 5.5 years, but last year she moved to NYC and then COVID and the racial tensions happened and it's been very hard on her living there.

I didn't know how to talk to her about the racial things happening because I felt in my gut like she couldn't fully understand. She was really hurt and upset that I didn't talk to her for a few days, and when I explained to her this, she said she felt angry and unheard in our friendship because she's always helping and supporting me and it's not reciprocated. I pointed out to her that I have been there for her too and went the bat for her too but she would largely refuse my help. She was so nasty to me about it. She basically said she looked down on me, "carried my whole life for years" and was saying that she "wasn't one of my fake liberal friends" and that I think she's a racist and all of this crap. I pretty much told her we aren't friends anymore because she showed her ass basically and obviously had a problem with me for years and didn't have the balls to tell me that.

We patched things up when she apologized the next day, but I could tell she doesn't fully understand privilege because she grew up in a multicultural area and feels that is her privilege-- literally she said she feels she has "multicultural privilege" and that I just see racism everywhere I am and that since I've been bullied by Black women before I don't know the meaning of what it really is (I grew up in a predominately white area). I disagreed with that and told her she doesn't understand. She said she wanted to listen and learn better and to let her know if something she said needs more clarity if I felt uncomfortable, but now it's turned into her feeling like she can never say anything right. I have only pointed out not to call me "homegirl" and it was lighthearted and it seemed like it wasn't a big deal but if we talk about Trump or anything that's going on in the world, I can tell the conversation is tense and I noticed her trying to get out of it, and I called her out. We fought about it again when she said I should know she's on the same side as me and that I'm defensive for saying I had to think about what she had to say to understand her perspective, and she would accuse me of getting offended or mad when I would ask her why she's trying to change the subject. She would literally put words in my mouth and I'd tell her no I don't feel mad or offended but I do feel like you're skirting the topic and I don't know why.

Finally, she said she wasn't doing well mentally and that she's struggling a lot and the negativity isn't helping her so now she wants understanding because she feels like her flaws are being pointed out and that I'm attacking her. She said she would respond when she got off of work. I asked her what she was really wanting. Basically I said I'm not attacking her, I'm just confused because you offered a safe space for me (or seemingly so) and that's what we agreed on and you're going back on it. I just wanted to express myself with someone that I thought I was close to. I'm sorry that the topic seems negative but I can't change how the world sees me, but if I'm contributing to the negativity in "her" world, ok I'll back off. This was the day before her birthday (a month ago). We haven't spoken directly since. I told her Happy Birthday and I've tried starting conversations in our friend group text and she'll minimally respond passive aggressively there but nothing else. I've asked our mutual friend if they've spoken to her and they said they've texted but she's really busy. I haven't heard from her since. She still watches my Insta stories and makes a point to engage with mutual friends on social, something she had previously accused me of doing.

Just to note: she spoke out more vocally when Trump was in office and attacking immigrants (her adopted dad who raised her is a Jordanian immigrant so she’s been around Arab culture since she was little) but when things that would happen to Black people, she would just call it horrible and move it along. She didn’t always say it’s racist. She had no problem liking things about Black culture or pointing out "omg my Facebook thinks I'm a Black woman based on my interests!" The last time we talked about Trump (when she was saying I should know I’m on her side) she was saying it’s more than just racism with the immigrant issue, it affects her livelihood and who rents from her leasing company bc of the ban he tried to do. Her world view is that she "thinks like an immigrant woman" bc that’s who she mainly grew up around, she says, but I have noticed in the past when I've talked to her in the past about being racially profiled or discriminated against, she'd largely question me or if I made comments about how racist white people can be, she would try to get me to say that Black people are prejudice too. She even felt comfortable telling me she thought "Karen" and "Becky" were racial slurs, to which I had told her I would've loved to have been called that instead of the "N" word, which I have been several times.

TL;DR My friend got angry with me that I told her I felt uncomfortable talking to her about race relations and said she pitied me. I ended the friendship, but resumed it when she apologized. I forgave her when she apologized, and she continued to what seemed like project her insecurities on me when I called her out until finally no longer speaking to me. I'm not sure what I've done wrong but I'm not sure if it's her being depressed or is it some fragility? Should I reach out to her?