I was at a high end restaurant with some girl friends and beforehand a man that was clearly checking me out at the bar asked the bartender to introduce me to him. We chatted for a few minutes and I mentioned I do not drink alcohol, and he asked if I like coffee..which I do. He complimented me and was generally very nice and polite (dressed impeccably). When my friends as I finished our meal, the server informed us that the man took care of the bill ($300). I went over to thank him and he asked for my #. I gave him my # and the next day he asked me out for coffee for the following weekend. I asked his age and was shocked he was nearly 16 years older than me! He is 51, I am 35. But when he asked my age back, he made an odd comment “I am really hoping you are at least 28” then was shocked I was 35 but said “whew.” I do look younger than my age but even at 35, I think the age gap is troubling. It is even more troubling he would be okay hitting on a 28 year old, nearly half his age. I declined the coffee date due to his age.
But I find it odd that he spent so much on me and my friends. My (tipsy) friends definitely loved him and encouraged me to go out with him because most men are not so generous.
I know this guy is likely LV but I am curious if such a coffee date would be okay. I honestly wouldn’t have minded going to a really nice coffee shop with good pastries so we can chat and get to know each other...if he was age appropriate. Thoughts?
[–]Sea_Soil115 points [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link
He's being "generous" because he knows that's basically the only way to get attention at his age. The age gap is inappropriate and he's a sugar daddy, PUA creep. This is practiced. He's probably done this dozens of times. Trust me when I say this type of guy is not looking to add value to your life. He's looking to use you and have power over you.
He's not "being generous", hes love-bombing you. Spending $300 on complete strangers is something a narc would do, hoping to WOW you. It's manipulative and your friends clearly fell for it, exactly the way he wanted you to. Your friends also have a scarcity mindset. Don't date people just because "most men aren't generous". You can do better.
Coffee dates are an FDS no go. They are low effort and require no actual planning. Isn't it a red flag that this man would blow $300 like it's nothing and then take you out for coffee?
Clearly checking you out? ❌
"I was really hoping you were at least 28" 🤮
The fact that he probably would have asked your for drinks instead of coffee and used alcohol to lower your inhibitions? 🚩
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[–]Sea_Soil30 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah, that's a neg. I'm sorry this douche felt so entitled to your time and attention. You sound like an awesome person. 35 is not old!
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Age gaps like this (he is 16 years older than OP) are inherently misogynistic and perpetuate the patriarchal ideal that our worth is in our youth. It's youth fetishism.
Edit: sorry OP, 🤦🏽♀️ I misread your comment. Will edit my comment
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