This man at a restaurant picked up the tab for me and my group of girlfriends at a pricey restaurant, but then asked me out for coffee..?

Sea_Soil · 2020-11-22T17:49:05+00:00

He's being "generous" because he knows that's basically the only way to get attention at his age. The age gap is inappropriate and he's a sugar daddy, PUA creep. This is practiced. He's probably done this dozens of times. Trust me when I say this type of guy is not looking to add value to your life. He's looking to use you and have power over you.

He's not "being generous", hes love-bombing you. Spending $300 on complete strangers is something a narc would do, hoping to WOW you. It's manipulative and your friends clearly fell for it, exactly the way he wanted you to. Your friends also have a scarcity mindset. Don't date people just because "most men aren't generous". You can do better.

Coffee dates are an FDS no go. They are low effort and require no actual planning. Isn't it a red flag that this man would blow $300 like it's nothing and then take you out for coffee?

Clearly checking you out? ❌

"I was really hoping you were at least 28" 🤮

The fact that he probably would have asked your for drinks instead of coffee and used alcohol to lower your inhibitions? 🚩

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2020-11-23T00:13:26+00:00

It sounds like he’s using your friends to get clout and get you to trust him. You keep saying “my friends like him” which shows it worked.

Summerisle7 · 2020-11-22T18:08:58+00:00

Nope, this does not negate the no coffee date rule.

umbralgarden · 2020-11-22T17:59:27+00:00

I think it's weird he only cared about your age and not what stage you are in life. I'm 28 and back to living at home because of personal issues. Even someone in their 30s could be in the same position. On the other hand there could be a very mature 28 or 35 year old who has all of their shit together so much that they really do need an older man but 16 years is a bit much.

Did he try to get to know you more beyond your age AT ALL like ask what you do?

Otherwise I'd be suspicious that he wants you young enough to be impressed by a $300 expenditure (probably a drop in a bucket to someone his age) but not too young that you'll embarrass him socially.

saint-jezebel · 2020-11-22T17:46:19+00:00

My thoughts are I wouldnt go, but I wouldnt say he is LV yet. LV isnt something you always see right away and based on what you describe, its not clear cut.

I think it is a red flag that he wants someone so young and as much as some women scoff at it, its still not uncommon. If you told him your age and he still wants to take you out, its because anyway grandpa cuts it, you will always be younger and look good and that makes him look better. It also shows a specific age is not a deal breaker; he can hope for 28 all he wants. I do think if you take him up on his offer, I personally wouldnt low ball for coffee and pastries if he can dish out $300 for you and your friends. The red flag for me is not just the age thing, but how he may treat you because you are outside of his ideal age range.

Another red flag is that I think he was hoping for any of you to say thank you and have his number ready. Not just you. If hes a man of means, the money means nothing, but a man spending a ton of money of you doesnt leave you obligated to give him your time and attention.

Title	This man at a restaurant picked up the tab for me and my group of girlfriends at a pricey restaurant, but then asked me out for coffee..?
Author	werker115
Upvotes	91
Comments	24
Date	November 22, 2020 5:16 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/jyz9sx/this_man_at_a_restaurant_picked_up_the_tab_for_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/this-man-at-a-restaurant-picked-up-the-tab-for-me.1068048 https://theredarchive.com/post/1068048