Upset cause no one hits on me

AimiHanibal · 2021-05-13T14:20:31+00:00

If you want to be a HVW stop seeking male attention/validation. You’re trully not missing anything. It’s a blessing in disguise.

_bethiebabes · 2021-05-13T13:57:58+00:00

you want men to like you because we’ve been fed this lie our whole lives that you can determine a woman’s worth based on how men feel about her. the truth is that men are very stupid animals who cannot properly analyze their own behavior or emotions or be trusted to make any kind of judgment at all. and as contradictory as this may sound the best thing for you to do is just pretend that they don’t even exist. you don’t have to go out searching for men, men do more than enough searching on their own, let them come to you and make your decisions from there. if you use your young years to become a high value woman, high-value men will see this and will come to you, then you just sit back and vet. and please be aware that only lvm catcall women, a man who catcalls is inherently zero value regardless of anything else about him, period!

Twohagsover30 · 2021-05-13T13:37:09+00:00

Honey. no.

You're 20. This is the time to focus on you and you alone.

Get your career/education on the right track. Work on your friendships with other women. Get your style/health to the place YOU WANT. Read the FDS handbook. Investigate therapy.

Attention from random men based on your looks is inherently dangerous.

Get yourself on the right track so that if you do choose to date in the future, YOU are that high value queen who knows her worth and can adequately judge the worth of a partner.

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-05-13T13:55:11+00:00

If you went on tinder and swiped right on every single man, I guarantee you’d have more matches than you know what to do with at the end of the night.

But it’s not about quantity, is it? It’s about finding a quality man. Besides going to college, are you meeting people? Are there any activities and groups around for people of color? Do you think racism is playing a factor at all, because it’s a conservative area? Maybe I’m talking out my ass with that last question but I have a friend in a very heavy racist area in my city who experienced what felt like either some hostility or just being ignored by people.

I don’t know what your specific situation is, but I do know the more you hyper focus trying to get something or be something or do something, you may be making sacrifices elsewhere in life like your social skills, education, and building support groups that is causing you to unknowingly make yourself less attractive to be around.

Just food for thought. You already know you shouldn’t be obsessing. It’s easier said than done sometimes.

jagupp · 2021-05-13T15:31:32+00:00

Hmm, You seem to be posting the same thing using alt accounts all the time. Ive seen the same writing/questions on vindicta and its replacement subs too. Is there a reason you keep posting this again and again without actually taking anyone’s advice? It’s always about you feeling undesirable, men not paying attention, you posting pics of yourself asking if you’re ugly. Honestly, you need to stop.

You’re wallowing in your alleged misery and turning it into a self fulfilling prophecy. This has literally been going on for months. I think you need to delete Reddit and tune back into reality. Nothing is going to help if you’re not actually open to help. And Reddit isn’t the place. Get a therapist. Work on yourself. Keep your mind occupied with work, hobbies. Stop seeking the views of strangers on the internet. You’re just deflecting from actually working on yourself. Stop keeping yourself in a rut and seek actual solutions for your low self esteem.

ceedee21 · 2021-05-13T15:33:57+00:00

You're at the most vulnerable state to have a boyfriend precisely because you want it so much.

I've read your history posts and they have the same pattern: why no man hit on me

Have parents & siblings? How's your relationship with them? Where's your family support?

I lost my virginity at 26. I didn't date during your age. By the age 31 I completed my life checklist. And a man was right on the bottom of that list. By 40 im debt free with my own house & car. Yes I also supported my mother too financially.

I don't have any regrets because I'm now fully independent and I've lived a very rich life full of experiences.

Can you actually see yourself in the future and ensure that there'll be no point in life you'll look back with regret? Because you wasted so much energy wanting a man?

Are you happy with your study? Your health? What do you see yourself as a career? Where do you want to travel? What kind of friendship you want to build?

These questions will define your life as you grow older I.e. independence and experiences.

So far it seems you're stuck in 'wanting a boyfriend' and yet you also want to get out of that state of mind quickly.

I know you're bored with this advice but you must work on yourself first. How? Everyone's different.

I did it by setting goals & priorities. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years?

Seems something bigger at play too. Either it is your mental health (depression? Anxiety?) and lack of support network.

If you don't feel like making friends that's OK but you must find what you like to do.

And stop comparing with other girls who have men. It's not a competition nor an achievement.

Men are irrelevant and really they have no added value.

Date yourself. Pretend yourself is your man & your bestie.

Go work out, then have a long bath with candle, read in the tub, put your fave perfume and wear your fave dress. Go out and have that coffee or food.

Do things that makes you feel good. Don't turn into external validation thinking men and social media are all that. They're not.

Be in love with yourself. So other people / men are only cherry on top. As you yourself is the cake with the icing.

You have a whole life ahead of you. Make it rich for yourself. Not for others. Heaven forbid not for men.

raphaellastorm · 2021-05-13T19:54:13+00:00

Boys your age are honestly really dumb and lack maturity so I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Eventually when they grow up a bit and realize they might be forever alone, they will be all over you, but they will still be dumb and not worth your time. Focus on being amazing and doing what you want and makes you happy. A guy is never going to make you happy or give you whatever you feel like deep down you are lacking on your own. Only you can. The earlier you realize this, the better your life will be.

so_crat_ic · 2021-05-13T19:01:26+00:00

Sometimes I watch this YouTube channel called Infinite Waters. He talks about how your vibe attracts your tribe. but he also says people will come to love you by your work. So if you don't go outside, and watch Netflix mostly, there's not much of a way for people to get to know you. but when you CREATE something. something new. something from your soul, people will see it in themselves and be attracted to you.

I've had more male attention than I ever wanted, but to be honest. most of it came from my work in computers. I was surrounded by men, and a lady who likes computers is a rare commodity.

Even if what you are doing is not unique, but is a creation of your soul, I think it attracts people though. because they can see what you are like, and how do you do things. I would say, maybe don't be afraid to explore non-dating hobbies, because that is how you will get the most high value attention.

This is the reason I don't do dating apps, or singles groups. I don't want the attention of just anyone. I want them to be high value.

ceedee21 · 2021-05-13T16:42:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

p0werdrift · 2021-05-13T22:06:42+00:00

Hi I’ve been lurking and learning from this thread. As a fellow young black woman i know how it feels to feel invisible. Therapy is a good option to require your needs for validation, attention and affirmation from external sources to more internal sources.

That said, it’s important to recognize how much of our upbringing as bipoc women is grooming to make it easier for other people to take advantage of us. I look at it as inter generational negging, begging if you’re not aware comes in the form of backhanded compliments and outright “well meaning” suggestions that are 1-meant to destroy our self esteem with reinforcing our insecurities and 2- emotionally manipulate and control us through our basic human desire to be appreciated and seen. This comes in the form of largely emotionally manipulative/abusive if not emotional or physically absent parents and later partners if you don’t do the work on yourself. Guys and some ladies, even friends, will see your insecurities through your need for their attention and take advantage. I wish this wasn’t the case but unfortunately that’s the truth.

Before I go any further I want to say I think it’s awesome that you’re therapy journey and I congratulate you on embarking on what is a very tough path!

However it’s a long road and it’s one you gotta do alone.

I went through from what I can tell a really similar challenge with my self esteem at your age and promptly was taken advantage of and breadcrumbed and out right resented by both of my most formative relationships with first a short series of hookups another older black woman i called a friend very much a bully, and second a slightly older fuckboy (black as well) who I was with for 2 years who did the utmost minimum.

Both were situationships that were highly painful, trauma bonded and toxic. Ultimately had I have found this Reddit and had more therapy been much more assertive and capable of advocating for myself. That’s why I’m glad you continue to search for help in a community that affirms you, and even happier to be there for someone who feels like my little sister.

That said, I bring my experiences because you have to take responsibility for your self esteem otherwise you will certainly be caught in a loop of seeking it elsewhere. This is the hardest part of self development and growth as an independent woman which I am struggling to grow right now too.

Address those mother and father wounds, do something small each day that makes you feel good and talk yourself up-like compliment yourself in the mirror. Be especially kind to yourself in your self talk. But remember especially in regards to how you treat yourself-honesty without kindness is brutality, kindness without honesty is manipulation.

It’s okay to want a loving, respectful, caring and committed relationship. Don’t ever feel guilty bout that girl. Demand it, don’t settle for less and understand that most men are intimidated by a young woman who knows her worth, if you indicate that you are doubtful they will take advantage and break your heart. Your heart is sacred. Only you know, and can find out what makes her sing. One day someone worthy add a nice duet but know the song she sings is a hit platinum single all on her own. Edit: people will sing along when you belt your own tune first

Much love precious!

laffytaggy · 2021-05-13T17:09:45+00:00

Consider it a blessing. Trust me.

_laufaeson · 2021-05-13T19:00:29+00:00

While I can’t comment on this from a BIPOC perspective, I can say that it’s not worth it. I’m not conventionally pretty in any sense of the word, so I rarely if ever get male attention. It took me a long time in my 20’s to just get comfortable with the idea of being single forever. I met my husband in my 30’s, and while we are getting divorced (goodbye, trash), I need to learn to be ok with being a spinster again. Do I want to have someone in my life again? Of course I do. But I also have to recognize that my happiness will be contingent on my outlook on life. You just have to work at learning to change your viewpoint.

Hhjjuuy · 2021-05-14T10:43:49+00:00

You mention male friends but do you have a good group of female friends as well? It can be really hard to build our worth internally from the ground up but other women who like us and care for us can really help with it.

If you can't focus fully on yourself for now, focus on the relationships you have with other women first. You can build and grow together. It really is so much more valuable than sexual attention from men.

And as a potential bonus, widening and deepening your circle of female friends might eventually lead to them introducing you to a decent man who will see you for all that you are worth.

Title	Upset cause no one hits on me
Author	ceedee21
Upvotes	56
Comments	41
Date	May 13, 2021 1:24 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/askFDS
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/upset-cause-no-one-hits-on-me.791973 https://theredarchive.com/post/791973
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/nbgjya/upset_cause_no_one_hits_on_me/

DO NOT SETTLE FOR THE FIRST GUY WHO PAYS ATTENTION TO YOU. TRUST ME, YOURE WORTH MORE.