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Why do men insist on NOT fixing the problem?

March 15, 2021

When I've dated in the past, I've addressed my concerns with them when appropriate. I remember I dated one guy, for example, when he would become really inconsiderate of my feelings, instead of apologizing, he would take me out for an "apology meal" to make it up to me and then not actually address the issue at all. I got the sense if he bought me dinner and acted sweet that I'd just forget it. And then turn around and do whatever said infraction again. With another guy, when I would address my concerns, he would start going into a self deprecating spiral about how he's such a horrible person and he's the fuck up of our relationship and everything he does is wrong. When I'd only asked him to keep his eyes on the road or to please not fart in my face. And even for serious issues like lying. They will do the most to do all these grand gestures and then not actually change the behavior. Anyone else dealt with that?

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Post Information
Title Why do men insist on NOT fixing the problem?
Author dancedancedance83
Upvotes 181
Comments 5
Date March 15, 2021 6:19 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/why-do-men-insist-on-not-fixing-the-problem.792365
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/m5ectc/why_do_men_insist_on_not_fixing_the_problem/

[–]ethylredds 39 points40 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I had a male friend who was making (unwanted) advances at me. I told him I was getting uncomfortable and it was getting hard for me to stay friends. He apologized about it, and it seemed like he genuinely didn't know. I thought he would stop and we could just forget the whole thing, but instead he said "Sorry in advance if I'm gonna make you uncomfortable. You can't blame me if I keep trying". I was so pissed off I told him I can't be friends if he's gonna be like that, and we haven't spoken ever since.

[–]EqvviFDS Specialist 100 points101 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


why would he even want to change, if it's been working for him so far?

He knows that one of the best ways to manipulate women is to try and elicit our pity

The average man is just repeating the same phrases and behaviors that have worked for him before, and so long as it continues to yield positive results, he has no incentive to change.

This is why you must block and delete when a guy starts waving red flags. We women cannot continue to reward bad male behavior with our time, attention, love, domestic labor, and sex. It's not your job to re-parent him, and in fact your silence is the best training tool out there, because even negative attention is still attention to them, which is positively rewarding his bad behavior.

Self depriciating spiral is a pity eliciting tactic he uses to manipulate you into feeling sorry for him and consoling him instead of addressing what's bothering you, he's counting on you forgetting about the issue or feeling bad about yourself for making him feel bad.

A nice dinner is just deflection because he also thinks women stupid, so he believes a small nice jesture will make you fawn over him and forget what's bothering you.

Why do they keep using these annoying tactics? From their perspective they work and they aren't afraid to lose you, so they have 0 incentive to change.

[–]Snoo32629 28 points29 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

LMAO did we date the same person? LVM love sweeping issues under the rug because they’re too cowardly to look inwards and do the work to become better people. Their egos and self image are like a house of cards, if they attempted to fix themselves or got a glimpse of who they really are, they’ll crumble. This is why they melt down when you bring up something completely reasonable, they’re like toddlers throwing a temper tantrum when they learn that the real world has consequences for their actions. You’ll hear the endless stream of “omg I’m such a horrible person” “I mess everything up” “you deserve better”. Best thing I ever did in my life was block my LVX who did all these things. Next!

[–]VillanellohFDS Specialist 43 points44 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"When I'd only asked him to keep his eyes on the road or to please not fart in my face."


To answer your question the only way to deal with men like that is to block and delete

[–]Repulsive-Ad1092 37 points38 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

LVM have the emotional intelligence of a toddler

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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