Over the weekend, my wife asked if she could tell me about some frustrations she was having trouble letting go of. She explained that she felt that my behavior has changed lately, and that it seems like I have been micro-managing her more.

She gave two examples. We got a new vacuum about a month ago and the wife was all excited to use it. As soon as it was charged, she started vacuuming our main level, but instead of starting at the back of the house, she started up front. I explained that if she would have started at the back, she wouldn’t have tracked all over the areas she’d just vacuumed.

She also brought up the fact that I admonished her for taking a less efficient route to work. We typically carpool, and she rarely drives, so I assumed she would take the way I go to work when she drives solo. Turns out she takes a different because she doesn’t have to make a left hand turn.

She asked if I could ask myself “Does my wife’s way of doing this affect the outcome? Is it necessary to correct her or do I just think my way is better?” before telling her how to do something. Apparently, when I micro-manage her she feels like I don’t trust or respect her, and to her that’s translates into me not loving her.

I STFU and told her I heard her concerns and I would think about it. She’s not wrong, I like things how I like them and I want things done a certain way. But, I was a little caught off guard by her comment that my behavior hurt her feelz. She’s never mentioned anything like this before, and has always told me she appreciated my strong leadership style. Is this a comfort test? A shit test? A shitty comfort test?

I still haven’t said anything, and she hasn’t mentioned it again. How do I respond to this and maintain my frame?