Am I irredeemable?

November 25, 2019

I was married to my wife for 25 years. We met at college. We were so in love. Our union was pleasant for the most part. One day, on a whim she expressed a desire to seperate. I made efforts to convince her to attend counselling. She wouldn't listen. I had to give in. We have a son who is in his mid 20s. There aren't very many people i can rely on. I've lost my family. I could've never imagined I'd be deserted by the woman I swore to spend my life with.

It's unimaginable. I still am struggling to come to terms with reality. It's a pain unlike any other. My parents are old. They too are shock beyond words with this development. We've been lamenting our fate. Seperation has brought ignominy to me. People suspect I maltreated her. The truth is that there wasn't a day when I ill- treated her. I'm lonely and hopeless.

I meet my son infrequently because he's busy in his life. Friends refuse to spend time with me because I'm unable to become the effervescent self I once was. Every night I lay on my bed,stare at the ceiling and wonder if death would be easier for me. But then it occurs to me that my parents need me. I haven't smiled for months now. I've become skeletal.

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Post Information
Title Am I irredeemable?
Author Mensa51
Upvotes 27
Comments 61
Date November 25, 2019 5:18 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askMRP
Archive Link
Original Link
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[–]JudgeDoom6994 points95 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Get off your miserable ass and quit feeling sorry for yourself. If you're looking for pity, you're in the wrong place.

Get to the gym and start lifting weights using the stronglifts 5x5 app. You start by lifting just the bar, so even your skeletal self can do it.

Read the books on the sidebar and you'll find out exactly how this happened (it's your fault) and what you should do about. The bad new is that your marriage is probably over and your soon-to-be ex-wife is looking to upgrade. The good news is that this now frees you up for unlimited self-improvement.

The best revenge is massive success.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker22 points23 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

The best revenge IS massive success, however OP, be careful not to let revenge be your fuel. Your fuel is now yourself and yourself only. Become the man you should've been all along.

Seeing your ex sweat when she sees how awesome you become in a while from now is just a bonus.

[–]hack3geRed Beret9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Why even mention revenge then? It’s literally not worth the energy to even think about. All you mother fuckers dance for fucking woman like they are something special. You want mommy to be jealous or regret her decision - you clearly don’t know women.

This dudes wife moved on and is banging other dudes already and probably has been for some time now. She zeroed his ass out with not even a second thought.

It’s like you faggots don’t get it - women are completely irrelevant in the life of a high value man and if you feel otherwise you haven’t changed shit. I do whatever I want, whenever I want and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. Im the least committed I’ve ever been to my wife or my marriage and yet my wife is the happiest she has ever been and fucks and sucks me multiple times a day.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah well you're right. Revenge shouldn't even be a thing.

It's a trait you see in the femanine. It's a beta man's ice cream.

[–]UltimateCrypto24 points25 points  (20 children) | Copy Link

Pathetic. Why do you not have a purpose you’re working towards? No goals?

Buy some magic mushrooms. You need a mind revolution.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret17 points18 points  (18 children) | Copy Link

Did shrooms right after finding MRP. Never done drugs in my life.

It snapped me out of my depression and maybe saved my life.

10/10 would do again and talk to the duck that taught me abundance. Not even ducking kidding.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Did you do shrooms alone? My daughter gave me some that she grew, and I’m considering it because I see how it has completely transformed her... but not sure if I should do them alone

[–]UltimateCrypto4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Alone is the best. Instead of laughing and having a fun time with everyone around you, you go deep inside and figure some shit out.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

100% agree. Doing it alone was fucking scary for someone who had never done it before. No idea what to expect or how to handle it.

But that was kind of the point. I went deep into myself which was the experience I was looking for. I didn't want to do it recreationally, I wanted a life experience. It's all about your mindset and i think others can fuck it up if they aren't seeking the same.

Scariest thing I've done in my life. But, it was an edge I was willing to peer over and trust myself. Not something I'd do on the regular. Maybe once every 10 years. The clarity it gave me lasted for months.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I’d do it solely for the awakening. I bet you can hire a guide from online or somewhere. So, was the actual experience as scary as the thought of it or how scary you thought it might be? Or, were there just moments....?

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I was never, ever scared during. Not even once. Research dosages. Go small when in doubt.

Swallowing them was scarier than anything I encountered during because it's a leap of faith. My experience was more of a "love is all there is" kind of thing, which most experience the first time, then you can launch anywhere you desire from there. You can be in control. Do your research.

Just dont do stupid shit you hear about like staring into a mirror - unless you want to get really brave. I did briefly but noped the fuck out.

[–]cornerofficemouth1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Interesting. I did mushrooms for the first time a couple weeks ago and found myself looking into a mirror (never heard of it being a potential bad idea) and it was one of the most interesting parts of my trip. While simply looking at my face, I could see all of my microexpressions - dozens of them within just a few seconds time.

Since then, I've become convinced we can all see/read others' microexpressions subconsciously and what we consider 'intuitions' about a person's motives etc, we learn from observing these 'obvious' microexpressions. 'It's written all over their face' etc.

Blew my mind.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, I did. But I had a lifeline by phone/text that helped guide me. There were several times I bawled my fucking eyes out the emotions were so raw. Just a simple "sounds like it's time to get up and move around, maybe change the scenery" from a trusted friend was highly beneficial. DM me for details - but it was a very RP journey.

Sounds like your sober daughter could be that for you.

[–]arm_candy0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

What happened to that post, by the way? It was weird but I was curious where the comments would lead, and then it was gone.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

It was too abstract and meta for MRP. Not to the point. Took it down. There's plenty of retards here anyways and I don't need to be overtly recommending everyone go do shrooms.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Time for you to meet Lucy.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nah man, I'm good. Once every 10 years for me. I did 5.5g my first time, more than enough and was on the brink of ego death yet still had self-awareness where I could go back and forth into and out of ego at will. Not sure I would go further than that. I was talking to animals and shit and had communion with dead people i knew who had messages for me. Enough for me.

[–]MillionaireSexbomb2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I started doing psychedelics in May and that’s been the most helpful part of my journey so far combined with MRP. There’s a point though where you get your answer and you need to hang up the phone once you know what you need to do about the problems you’re presented with. 10/10 experience, if you haven’t tried acid yet, I recommend that for deep work and combinations of the two.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

you get your answer and you need to hang up the phone

+1 for Watts reference.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Im too scared to do this shit.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Curious why? With a safe plan it's not like you'll... die. Unless we are talking about an ego death trip. That shit I hear is un-fucking-real. Dissolving into absolute nothing and then being reborn from nothing? Whoah.

[–]NotMickAtAll0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is exactly what I am planning. I have been talking and reading about shrooms and am ready for a trip. I think it will do me great good.

HOA, what was your setting? At home? Id like nature but that would need someone there sitting with me and i think I need to be alone

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

My setting was nature with the option to go inside to a cabin / apartment alone. Had someone on the phone available by text and call to help guide me.

[–]mitch2you800 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hijacking this top post to recommend everyone who’s not familiar with psychedelics yet to read this book before experiencing them. It’ll answer most of your questions and give a good idea of whether you’re ready to have a positive experience.

[–]jfbravoc4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Listen OP, u/UltimateCrypto is not kidding. If you can't get some perspective by yourself, doing psychedellics in the right context might give you what you need. In the right context. Do your research.

[–]OptimusRP13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No one is irredeemable. You can rebuild yourself, but you have to dig down deep and decide to do it for yourself. This is your defining moment. What are you going to do? Give up and die or rise up stronger than before?

[–]IntelligentSpeaker13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I would also like to point out that you and your ex wife clearly saw your relationship in a completely different way. You make it sound like it was out of nowhere that she wanted to separate. That proves that your head was too far up your ass to see a miserable(or at least very unhappy) wife. To me that shows how you were too complacent and she was wanting a better leader who desired more out of life.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You make it sound like it was out of nowhere that she wanted to separate. That proves that your head was too far up your ass to see a miserable(l

Almost identical to my first thought on this post

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando14 points15 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Your wife left you.

Not recently. Three fucking years ago.

You've spent the last three years wallowing in your own misery.

How long do you plan to keep doing that?

Till you die?

Are you irredeemable? That depends on you.

Personally, I wouldn't bet any money on it.

[–]An_Actual_Politician5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This week is the two year anniversary of my wife fucking a friend of mine and telling me she wanted a divorce in what couldn't have been a more prototypical AWALT branch swing.

In two weeks it'll be the two year anniversary of me walking into that weight room for the first time in my life, taking total ownership of everything that happens to me and turning myself into a man who has a mission and puts himself first. Abundance abounds now (at least compared to the old normal - I still have a long way to go). What my wife, or anyone else for that matter, thinks or does is the least of my concerns, let alone something capable of putting me into some kind of multi-year tailspin.

OP - if you want it bad enough every answer you need is here. It doesn't sound like you have it in you, at least with that sad sack loser attitude. At least losing your ego wont be a problem....

[–]tap09885341 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

As a hail Mary, OP should try waiting outside her residence, and when she comes out surprise her by wailing and sobbing "I need you." for at least 90 min. Don't forget flowers.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

As a hail Mary, OP should try waiting outside her residence and when she comes out surprise her by wailing and sobbing "I need you." for at least 90 min. Don't forget flowers.. With a boom box

[–]tap09885342 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Love, I don't like to see so much pain

So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away

I get so tired of working so hard for our survival

I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

And all my instincts, they return And the grand facade, so soon will burn Without a noise, without my pride I reach out from the inside

In your eyes

The light the heat In your eyes I am complete In your eyes

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Peter Gabriel at his Apex there

[–]tap09885340 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Since Mrp I've switched to this song during boombox stalking:

It's not a case of doing what's right It's just the way I feel that matters Tell me I'm wrong I don't really care

It's not a case of share and share alike I take what I require I don't understand You say it's not fair

You expect me to act like a lover Consider my moves and deserve the reward

To hold you in my arms and wait,


Wait for something to happen

It's not a case of telling the truth Some lines just fit the situation Call me a liar You would anyway

It's not a case of aiming to please You know your always crying It's just your part In the play for today

[–]mrpthrowa10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Pull yourself together dude. You're so depended on this chick you're lost without her, what the fuck?

Own your own shit.

[–]FlyingSexistPig11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You get one victim puke.

This was it.

Time to get up and go to the gym.

[–]MiddleAgedMGTOW8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I’ve been where you are and remember that pain. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. The elephant in the room that everyone else is avoiding is that there is a good possibility that there is another man at the bottom of this. She was either having a long term affair that you were clueless about or she’s recently met someone she wants to pursue. Either way your marriage is almost certainly over. There isn’t much I can add advice wise that hasn’t already been covered. I can only tell you what helped me. I suggest that you strip your life down to the essentials and live as minimalist as you can. Remove everything that reminds you of her. Focus on self care. Go to bed at the same time every night and wake up at the same time every day. Keep a close eye on your diet. Eat healthy and of course hit the gym. Take up a hobby or two to keep your mind occupied. Do NOT try and jump into another relationship. You are not in the state of mind to deal with that. Over time the pain you’re feeling will fade.

[–]arm_candy6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The elephant in the room that everyone else is avoiding is that there is a good possibility that there is another man at the bottom of this.

No one’s ignoring this. It simply doesn’t matter. Maybe she left him for another man. Maybe she left him to join a lesbian commune. Maybe she left him because she’d rather be alone. It doesn’t matter. She’s no longer with him. End of story. Hypothesizing about who she might be fucking now is a completely useless waste of time.

The story that matters is what he does now.

[–]tap09885344 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I personally think she left him for a 40" tentacle dildo. Not for the sex, but because it was more manly and charming, had better social skills, muscle tone, whined less, and never put her on a pedestal. Compared to OP, tentacle dildo has an amazing attractive life, knows how to STFU, and never complies with unreasonable demands.

[–]ImNotSlash7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

But then it occurs to me that my parents need me.

Yes, I too think of my parents when I'm down. Fuck the children, amirite!

[–]Whatev225 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Only you can answer that question.

The good news is no one gives a shit.... You can go out and make as many mistakes as you have to in order to find the answer to your question.

You need to find a way to value yourself and your life. Start with a really good meal, take a walk, smile at a stranger and find a way to get out of your own head.... what are some hobbies or activities you didn't let yourself do because you felt they may interfere with your marriage? Time to explore them!

[–]Cloudy_Pirate5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

According to your other posts, this happened three years ago...

What have you done in the last 3 years?

[–]InChargeManRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Waited for her return.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Mate, you have been set FREE!

You are your own man. Your child is grown and responsibilities as a father are now minimal.

Create some goals. Get a mission. Read the sidebar and become a man again.

Congratulations, you are now playing on easy mode.

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Maybe you are irredeemable. I don’t know what you will decide. Maybe you’ll seek deeper into despair. Maybe you’ll decide to do just one little thing to make your life better, and then another tomorrow, and next week something just a big better, and a year from now all those small steps could add up to you being a halfway decent man.

You already made a post here. That’s a good first step. Maybe order a book from the sidebar, go to a gym and lift very small weights for 45 minutes.

Or stare at the ceiling.

[–]Rifleshoot5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

She left you. Sucks. Happens to a lot of guys. The question is, what are you going to do about it? You can sit and wax poetic about the injustice of it all and how evil women are like the incels and MGTOW do, or you can get over it like a man and go build a life that you want to live. She made her choice and if you looked at yourself honestly, you would probably agree that you are boring and unattractive. Get up and get to work building your life or wallow in your misery. Your choice.

[–]amalgamator4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Maybe it was just that she has good judgement? He sounds like the life of the party...

[–]arm_candy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There is no magic here. This place is 100% about hard work on yourself. The only advice you’ll get is to get to work. Get to work reading. Get to work lifting. Get to work shutting up. (Typically STFU is so you aren’t poisoning your relationship with your wife, but in your case you’re clearly such a drag that your friends don’t want to hang out, so you need to STFU about your failed relationship around them, too. Stick to sports, I guess.)

One day, on a whim she expressed a desire to seperate.

It wasn’t a whim. That never happens. It was a long slow decline and she finally gave up on your relationship once your son was grown.

We've been lamenting our fate.

We? What the hell? Who is we? Are you also suffering from multiple personalities or do you think your parents share your fate for some reason? Your parents have their own lives.

Friends refuse to spend time with me because I'm unable to become the effervescent self I once was.

You’re depressed and mopey and you drag them down with your self-pity. I don’t hang out with energy vampires either.

You’ve moped around for months. It’s time for you to pull yourself together and move on. Start at the gym.

On the bright side you have no kids in the house and no relationship sucking up your time. So start spending your endless time on fixing yourself. There is seriously no magic pill here. No one has anything that’s going to make you feel better or make your life better. You need to take ownership of your life and start making improvements. Your wife isn’t coming back. So what now? What do you want and how are you going to get it?

[–]slappysq2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

One day, on a whim she expressed a desire to seperate.

She's fucking someone else.

Lift and sidebar.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

it occurs to me that my parents need me

Yeah, your life isn't yours after all, right?. It belongs to your wife, your kid, your parents, and any other asshole who puts a claim on it, yes?

Have you ever considered this may be the root of your problem?

[–]SelectAirline1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I still am struggling to come to terms with reality.

I think a more accurate way to phrase this would be that you built your identity around a woman, that woman eventually resented you for it, and when she jumped ship she left you without any sort of identity of your own. So now in it's place, you've built an identity around the wreckage she left behind instead of doing the hard work of rebuilding yourself. In short, you doubled down on the failed strategy that got you here and now you're wondering why nothing is getting better. Sound about accurate?

You said this in a comment 4 months ago:

Frankly I've been wallowing in self pity for a while now. As a result a lot of my relatives choose to stay away from me. I don't blame them. No person would like negativity in their lives. It's time for me to move on and at least make an attempt to be happier.

What have you done to try and move on?

Today, right this minute, you need to decide if you want to move on or if you want to cling to the identity of victimhood that you've built for yourself. All the tools you need are right here, but they only work if you use them and, most importantly, you actually want them to work.

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's a pain unlike any other.


Let it hurt. Feel it. Embrace it. Let pain do it's job. Pain is there to teach you to keep you hand off of the stove and to not jump from buildings. The pain should cause you to hate what you've done and not repeat it. Use that pain to get your ass to a gym and a department store. I don't know much about you, except that your username implies you think you are smart, your post history says you are in India, and you've recently lost a lot of money. Oh, losing money is also extremely unattractive to women.

Right now, you neglected to be a man outside the frame of your wife. Clearly, you had her on a pedestal and became boring, predictable, and unfuckable. Read the sidebar from r/marriedredpill and get your head straight. You are likely in your mid to late 40's which is the best time to be a man. Learn game, how to meet and pickup women, how to F close. You have an abundance of options now. Women from 25 to 50 all like men in your age now, so the world is your oyster.

Get fit. I can't see you, but I am guessing you either need to gain 30lbs of muscle or lose +30lbs of fat. Get on it, it will help you to process the pain and get over the feelings of betrayal. Full body exercises with weights you can barely handle are FAR better than any antidepressant. Pick up heavy shit.

Clean up and get dressed. I mean this in both the short and long term. Depressed men let hygiene slide and complacent men let wardrobe age. Get showered, see a stylist, see a department store. Then shower & groome daily as if you are gonna meet her hotter, younger replacement today.

[–]PillUpAss1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Best day of your fucking life. Get to work.

[–]chillanous1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It wasn't a whim. I go out to eat on a whim. I don't hire a lawyer and start dividing assets on a whim.

Stop pining and start working toward being the man you want to be.

[–]tap09885341 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes. You are correct that your life is shit and cannot be redeemed. Redemption means that someone else pays your way. No one will. No one can.

Imagine that I was your benefactor and paid your way. What would that even do except make you an even bigger failure?

What happened sucked, but you have let it define you because you like attention and validation even if it comes in the disgusting form of pity.

Why are you wallowing in shit? Other people in the world live on a dollar a day, see their wives and children taken by slavers, watch their kids die of starvation and cholera and choose not to wallow in shit.

Here is your choice: Be a broken waste of life waiting to die, because muh troubles. Or choose to grow up and be a real man, a man that knows his wife and children are fickle and mortal, and man who knows his parents are dying, a man who knows what he wants and will follow his mission and principles regardless of tragedy and adversity.

[–]amrit21chandi0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you don't change then there won't be A Change.

Write down things you like about yourself.

Write down things that you hate about yourself.

Write down who you want to be or aspired to be in your younger years. And then work towards it. See which positive habits you need and which bad habits you need to break to achieve that goal.

You're not depressed because of this sudden loss of partner. Deep down You probably knew it long before it happened. You're feeling lost as you've lost your identity in this world. Don't say that you're only alive because of your parents. Do it for yourself. READ THE SIDEBAR. follow this sub religiously for next 3 months atleast. Then decide whatever the fuck you want to do with your life.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You need to break out of the negative self talk. Yeah it sucks. Ok. Now it’s an opportunity to focus on yourself and improve yourself. Three years of wallowing? That’s some faggotry but it’s not irredeemable. But YOU and only YOU can start the process to put one foot in front of the other to get out of the dark place you’re in.

Set easy realistic goals for the day or even half day.

Day AM: going to eat breakfast of X, Y, Z and go to the gym for an hour

Day PM: going to eat lunch with a friend, read for two hours, go watch that movie I wanted to see, eat dinner, call son, go to bed

And go get some individual therapy... sounds like you’re depressed. It’s not a panacea but can help expedite the process.

[–]tightsleeves0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your problem is that you put the power of your happiness into other people. You literally stuffed it in a backpack for them and now your wife walked out with it on her back.

Many men can come back from it... there are men on this board who have come back from WORSE... So yes its possible but its all up to you. If you dont have the motivation and drive to dig yourself out then you will remain in this hole.

You need to make steps.. take action... towards getting your life together. Start with;

  1. Start reading NMMNG - its in the sidebar - When you have free time or are lonely, read this
  2. Find a local gym and hire a trainer to teach you all the compound lifts and do a strongman 5x5 exercise routine
  3. Start fixing things around your house to keep busy

[–]RicoDunne0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

from your post history it says you're from India. I don't think I have ever met an alpha guy from India just all matriarchal subservient betas. You have a lot of cultural conditioning to unlearn and to retrain yourself into a better man.

It hurts because you are still in the frame of a woman that left you years ago. How long you have been married is irrelevant, you don't seniority points with women or for your self-respect as a man. You need to get a mission/a purpose that doesn't involve anything to do with her or thinking about her. Next time you are lying in bed, stare at the ceiling and think about you have read on the side-bar reading books.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wrong sub for looking for a hug friend. It’s time to do some real work. There’s a sidebar with a copious amount of information for a lost soul like yourself. Don’t bother posting again until you’ve read it thoroughly and you’re in a position to tell us why you are in this position rather than asking us.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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