I have a question that I'm PRETTY sure I know the answer to - but I want to make sure I'm not just being a dick.
CONTEXT: Career beta for most of my relationship. Married 6 years, 2 kids, wife is SAHM. I work 4 days a week and am home to help with kids the other three. 4 months into MRP, lifting, dieting, focusing on attractiveness, going out a lot more on my own, working hardest on setting boundaries/being assertive/passing tests. Coming off a 1.5 year sex-drought, have had sex 3x since starting the process, but 2/3 of that was after big, blow-out shit tests.
My wife is a texter, and she's been having issues with being a SAHM. Pretty classic scenario: feels depressed, our two kids are a handful/quite needy (2.5 and 1 y.o.), bored, can't get anything done, etc.
Part of this I now view as a result of our relationship/my lack of leadership, and I'm working through my MAP to improve and get better.
In the meantime, she will often send me "bum out" texts. Here's today's example (note the "hospital" reference below is to a point where we spent several days in the hospital while one of our boys got over a flu):
Her: SON#1's behavior is just so awful. He's become really unpleasant to deal with.
Me: really? why? the whining when he doesn’t get what he wants?
Her: That and the not listening to a single thing I say. Constantly doing stuff he shouldn't be and acting wild and not cooperating when I need to change him, dress him or do literally anything. It's a fucking nightmare. I didn't think I could be this mad at him after not seeing him for three days.
Me: That sucks. Sorry you have to put up with that.
Her: And he only does this to me. No one else ever sees this behavior from him.
(a while later)
Her: I actually want to go back to the hospital. My anxiety is through the roof when I'm here with them both.
My gut reaction to this is: "Just don't reply. Text is for logistics only. She's emotional but she's at home with two kids, this is doable for her and it's on her to figure it out. Don't get sucked in."
Part of my also feels: "Multiple people on MRP have pointed out that you've gone a bit Redpill Rambo lately...just text her back some condolences, let her know you get that it sucks. Keep it short, reflect her feelings back to her."
This is a fairly regular thing, so I want to figure out how to deal with this, if at all.
- Is this a recurring, real issue that needs my leadership?
- Is she simply being emotional, needs to buck up, and is best served by my NOT trying to fix things/save her?
- How does either of those play into my responses to these texts?