Just a thought that recently dawned on me: The Terminator movie shows the essence of how a man should behave. Watch it as a metaphore of your LTR (and anything that happens to you, really).

I've always loved the Terminator franchise. Now, digesting the pill for like a year, having been a natural alpha in my youth, degraded to career beta for the better part of my life, and reemerging again - I understood why the movie(s) always resonated within me. Even better: why they helped me stay strong and they still do. They may do the same to you. Here is how it is with me.

When anything bad and stressfull happens to the T-800... Does he seem to care? He just shrugs the bullets off and continues with his mission. Bullets fly, half of the face is torn off, an arm cut off; he goes on to achieve his goal. He doesn't analyze why, or what could have been done better. He just removes obstacles, with force or by avoiding them, whatever is more convenient in a particular situation.

I'm seeing it as a metaphore of LTR. When everything's good, all is good and you proceed as normal. But when things go to hell and your spouse is giving you all kinds of shit - you gotta be the Terminator. All the nasty words, perfectly aimed hurting remarks, all kinds if bullshit - they are just bullets that go plop, plop, plop on your chest. Aimed to hurt. Hurting, most likely. Not debilitating, still.

When unexpected shit tests come (and aren't they all most unexpected), I often fail to remember to fog, to A&A, to think of something that would resemble Amused Mastery. When you wake up to a hail of bullets, AM is one of the last defensive routines to boot up; often an hour too late. We're not all witty brilliant waterbears; at least I am not a one. This is where holding the image of the Terminator in my mind, always (to a point that I have T-800 as my avatar and Cyberdyne Systems as a wallpaper) proves to be helpful.

Hold that image in your mind: plop. Plop. Plop. Off your chest. These words can't really hurt you; they may hurt, but no damage is done. To you; as to the relationship, it remains to be judged afterwards.

This is the image that helps me maintain my frame within my relationship, as well as at workplace, and in most of potentially stressful situations. The only catch is: there has to be a goal. Not necesserily "a mission", as defined by TRP paradigm ("become something"). It may be a close distance goal, but without it, you are an aimless machine bound for self destruction.

Other than that, if tough times come, remember: plop. Plop. Plop.