I found a letter to my wife from July 7, 2016. Never delivered it.

That is a day after my first MRP post.

Wow, I have no frame and no self-respect. I'm so SORRY, I LUV YOU so MUCH, WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE IT BETTER, oh please oh please oh please return your affection to me, etc etc.

Wow. Unattractive.

I can't believe I wrote that two and a half months ago. It's like reading a different person.

I remember one short, lonely, reasonably well-groomed dude in college who used to hang out at the computer lab. I was a lab monitor and talked to him once or twice. He was SAD, writing long emails to girls he was pining away for (orbiter). I remember thinking "dude, get a life, they'll never want you that way."

My letter reads exactly like his might to an ex-girlfriend.

The amazing thing it was after I found the pill. I still wrote like a little bitch.

And yes, I recognize I have a lot to go, but man, I was totally in her frame. She was the prize, she was everything, I was nothing.

Crazy.

At least I thought twice and didn't actually deliver it.

I am so glad I no longer think that way. I mean, I have a long way to go, but wowza.